Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › The Rubber Band Theory
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by
Daisey.
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judy1
Ok, hi everyone!
So….my “gambler guy” (who is not really a gambler, I just nicknamed him that bc another poster had a guy she called that who was similar….) totally changed his tune and decided he did want to be in a relationship with me. He initiated it, pushed it, wanted it…I did nothing. After making him SHOW me with actions that he really wanted it, I agreed, and we are together :) The awesome thing is – I am more confident and secure and happy with myself than ever before…and I know I’m a prize…and if he doesn’t step it up he knows I’ll walk away and I know I’ll be fine.
I don’t need this relationship, I want it. That’s a huge difference and deal for me!
Anyway- I know about the rubber band theory…so I’m expecting that after this intense period that he will probably pull back and be a little distant.
Can anyone help me with how to deal with it? What do I do? What do I NOT do? How do I act?
Gemini615
Congrats! I’m glad this worked out for you :)
First, remember to NOT take it personal when he pulls back. ALL guys do it, and it can last anywhere from a couple days to a week. It’s totally normal; he may be preoccupied with other stuff or like you said he may just want a bit of space after so much intensity regarding the status of your new relationship.
Be confident that he will snap back into action on his own time and that you have NOTHING to worry about! It’s best to be GRATEFUL for this time away from him, as now it has freed up time for you to do your own reflecting or dive back into hobbies of yours, catch up with friends, have some “me time”, etc. This space is just as much a benefit for you as it is for him, so don’t look at it negatively.
He will appreciate the space you give him and even more so the confidence you exude from not worrying about his absence for a couple days. Men sometimes expect women to freak out when they pull back so if you act cool as a cucumber he will be impressed, appreciative, and it will validate that he made the right decision in committing you.
If you get a little antsy, some HERE first to talk it out. Don’t bombard him with texts/calls. Just be cool and remember that it’s very temporary.
Ali
I’ve been in a relationship now for 6 months and have not experienced the rubber band effect. Well at least not yet! But maybe that’s just because due to his work schedule we mainly see eachother on weekends, and maybe once during the week if our schedules allow. We hardly ever text, and instead talk or facetime at night when we don’t see eachother. This allows me to have a life of my own where I can fully focus at work, see family and friends during the week, and go to workout classes/run etc.
I think by doing things as we have, it keeps him from being the center of my world. Its exciting to see eachother still and we always have things to talk about by not being in constant contact. He’s able to have his space to do stuff during the week so thus he hasn’t felt the need to pull away?
I type this knowing full well I’ve probably just jinxed myself and now he will rubber band on me! haha ;)
Ann
Hi Judy!!!
Ok…first off, what happened with that other guy, the “nice guy”?
I’ve been wondering about you. Has your Gambler Guy changed other parts of his life too? Does he seem centered?
Do you really feel centered too? Or are you high on the surging brain chemicals that happen with all of this romance stuff?
Daisey
Thanks for the information. Just now experiencing the rubberband effect, right in the middle if it taking place.
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