They only come back when you don't want them

It’s as if guys have radar & sense the moment you stop thinking about them and/or genuinely get over them.

Every time I hear from an ex or guy I used to talk to, it’s when I’m not thinking of them at all.

When you want to hear from them, they usually won’t contact you at that time, it’s us when you least expect it.

Haha that’s the thing – of course they don’t know whether or not you’ve truly moved on, but I think what it is, is that there’s some law in the universe that once the dumpee has emotionally gotten over the breakup, the dumper comes back to test the waters again to at least make sure the dumpee is still pining over them, and sometimes this is also when they realize what they gave up and want it back. Sometimes it can work, but most of the time you’ll very likely break up again…

Some couples do get back together, so is this usually because the guy who ended it will come back before the girl moves on?
I’ve known couples to get back together months and months after the BU which baffles me how this happens (in a nice way!) because I would have thought after a lot of time both would have healed and got used to the BU.

Hi London,

It has varied. Some broke up and got back together within a week but this has been when the BU was caused because of a fight.

Some has been months after, up to 4 months.

I guess I’m just worried that by me not contacting him, he will move on and never want me back. I have made a lot of progress with the situation and I know I can be happy without him but I truly believe he is the perfect person for me.

Its been just over 2 months since the BU, he ended it because things were going wrong in his life so I guess he didn’t feel like a winner. I spoke to him two weeks ago (the only contact since the BU) and he said he still wasn’t ready to talk, he felt nervous speaking to me. He sair he will contact to meet up for coffee when he is ready..but im thinking if he does do this it doesnt mean he will want me back, he could just want to be friends

Im not going to contact, the ball is in his court now and im getting on with life but im just worried we wont get a second chance :(

Hi Party.

Sorry but there is no “perfect guy” and by breaking up he was telling you that your not the one he see’s a future with.

Majority of the reasons people break up is because they don’t possess the qualities the other wants in a long-term mate, it can be something major (politics, religion, finances, children) or minor (quirks). This can happen at any stage in a relationship (or marriage)—days, weeks, months and even years later.

I believe you have a fantasy view of relationships because the chemicals are usually at a heightened state in the beginning but as they wear off, which they always do, one starts seeing the other in a different light and see that it was only lust/infatuation and not developing towards a deeper love.

Trust me, if a man really wants you in his life he will find you. I broke up with my (now ex) husband during an LDR (in the military at the time) as my feelings for him had waned to the point I wanted to date again. I literally had zero intention of ever getting back with him as I had met a guy shortly after the BU, we had been dating exclusively for a couple months or so and although wasn’t in love with him yet, it was progressing towards that direction.

Out of the blue my ex called me on my birthday a few months after our break up, said he was arriving in a week (stayed a year at our old base to get new orders to mine) and if I would pick him up from the airport. At first I was hesitant to do so but I did it on the premise that I was helping out a fellow military comrade and so I agreed. When I picked him up it was as if the year of separation didn’t take place and we literally picked up right back where we left off and were married 10 months later.

The answer is NO, men don’t forget about you as I’ve had some exes (and secret crushes) contact me on social media 15 – 20 years later lol.

Ok to make a very long story short he it goes as this my husband now is 43 I am 51 I have know him sense he was 16 I was 25 I was so attracted to his personality and funny loving ways I was single at the time be he was with a girl at the time but never in a million years ever had looked at him as someone to be a sex partner because of his age way to young he just seemed fun to be around it was the playfulness that I liked so at the time he never even looked my way he said because he knew he didn’t have a chance with me but to go fast forward we both went on with our lives I got into a relationship shortly after with I thought was a potential partner and got pregnant and married because I wanted to have a family and stayed with him off and on for long time married him 2x to keep my family together tried hard to keep it together my husband now went on had a baby with that girl but never settled down with her he was always in trouble had a bad child hood ran the streets drugs booze and different girls all the time was in and out of juvenile and later at 18 ended up in prison which was in and out for a very long time spent 8 years got out but was right back in in more then out due to living on the streets having to steal to live broke out of county jail he had to due 5 years for that his charges was burglary but he was never taught how to live he was on the streets sense he was 12 that was his only way he knew how to live not making excuses I myself had a hard life but had morals and respect I worked always took care of myself never even thought we would be together but I kept up with him all his life the times he was in prison sent him pictures of his son kept him informed on how he was doing but never thought of me and him being together ever just felt sorry that he had no family or anyone on the outside there for him along I was with my babygirl’s father who I loved but never in love with he never talked we were never friends just lovers he was not my type he went to strip clubs all the time never spent time together he was silent never had much to say except when he was mad or angry but long story short me and him married in Aug 1994 divorce and lived separate but got back together got remarried sept 1995 only because I wanted to keep my family together but things seemed ok for short while only to go back to his same ways but it was hard for me I kept my thoughts on my kids that’s what kept me going I sacrificeD my life for my kids life he kept us a home and took care of all financial matters never had to worry he took care of me and the kids financially but haD a bad demeanor about him never to be happy with me he was always working but in the year 2000 left him to be with my husband now who got out of prison who at first I still didn’t want a relationship I was still married and took it very serious I would never cheat or disrespect the man I was with but he was never home we just Co existed in a relationship but when the man I am with now got out in 2000 he was on monitor at his grandmother house I set him up with a Co worker she slept around so I figured he would be good she wanted a boyfriend to settle with but after there first date she said he wasn’t her type and never seen him again but I kept visiting him and me and my husband at the time was on rocky roads he was never home but me and the man I am married to now ended up seeing each other I left my husband to be with him got divorced started living with him but I was working taking care of all financial matters it was a big life change I was inlove I loved him got us a place but while I worked he ram around never had a job when he did work he hardly helped with bills he barely worked his money was his he ran around drinking drugs and women it was not me I wanted family life he just wasn’t ready I left him he ended up back in prison we talked while he was there so before he got out I got us apartment thing he was ready he got out we lived together for a few months he talked me into getting married I was scared but thought it would be good to but 2 weeks after getting married he ended up in jail heading for prison yet again for driving on no license broke his parole but while in the county jail to find out his friends he ran around with all girls telling me he was cheating on me having sex with at least 3 I knew of I ended it while he was in jail before he went to prison never talked to him again for for about 10 years I was in a bad relationship living with my ex baby daddy fixing to move out moving to Florida my daughter by then was 21 so I raised my kids she was the youngest she was pregnant moved out so no reason to stay were was for over a year I planned to move me and her dad were done we both agreed it was over we didn’t want to be together as I was planning my move to Florida out of the blue guess who called me yep my ex who was in a prison camp it had been almost 10 years since I had seen or talked to him how he got my number I had no clue he always had my heart but I was not about to fall for it didn’t know who it was at first but he said it’s me my heart just dropped and butterflies in my stomach I never even would let him know that it was June 2013 he ask how his son was he said I was the only way he could find out about him he made it like it was all about his son at first and he had no clue how I felt I was not bout to let him know and by no means wanted to head down that way with him in my eyes we were doNE forever never in a million I would be with him he didn’t want the same things in the past he said he wanted a family life but actions told me everything but he ask if he could call me back I said sure I was single and was moving to Florida he was in a prison camp but would be released in sept 16th 2013 in like 2 months he ask if he could call me back about his son I said sure the second time he called he ask about his son again we talked just casually but the calls were coming in every other day to about 2 weeks then he started asking me questions hoe I was doing I would always say fine he ask how me and my ex were I told him we were over he ask what I was doing told him moving to Florida in a few months after Christmas probably had already made plans had been packing well it went more and more him talking about me and what his plans was he knew what I wanted it had always been a family life he said he was moving to Claxton ga with a friend he was getting a job moving away from were he grew up to do better to make a good life to show he. An and to do better for his self and his son I was that’s great that he should have a long time ago instead of living in prison all his life he had a great heart he didnt know how to live right but he kept calling saying how he was getting out and never going back kept asking me questions it came to us being friends again in a few months to I started feeling feelings I had not in a long time but I started asking him questions like who are u with he said no one he was getting out and getting a job and getting his life together I said yeah right u got a girl I said I know u he said no he didn’t want one he wanted to get a life do right find his self I was that’s great left it alone but two weeks later he called and said he was getting out soon he wanted me to pick him up I said why long story short got married Nov 2013 I will get back help thanks