Think I'm too old for all this

I’m supposed to be staying in and repairing myself.

All I seem to be doing is thinking about him. I’m working hard and need
to keep at it, but I’ve been so gutted today.

My friend is trying to convince me that as out bedtime antics where amazing that he’s not going to want to give that up so easy.

I must admit, it was amzing – he missed time off work / football – the lot to keep
our bedroom antics going. But anyway – I know I need to move on andkeep my head down and try and forget him.
so hard …

Ouch Lyn,
Harsh but true.

I’m going to take the advice on here and stay clear of the bar, this week anyway.

I would normslly see him over fri Sat & Sun afternoon in there, it’s so close to our homes, it’s just like our social meeting place.

So I will get this weekend out of the way, perhaps go for a meal with another friend.

I have heard as time moves on, women get stronger and men get weaker, I’m not sure how true that is, but if it is, I won’t be near him if I’m feeling stronger and therefore wont look like a bitch, and I also won’t be near him, if he gets weaker and starts wanting to come over.

The main reason for me to stay away is because I’m taking myself out of the control.
I do think he tells people I’m his and to stay clear, I’ve just heard so much and stay away from her or ?? will be on your back.

Cheek! really , So yeah – work seems to be my saviour atm, I might even book a few days abroad and work there, so I can’t just go in. Use my socialising money to get out of the way.
Thanks guys, you really are helping me and I am really am trying to listen and take note of what you are saying.
I am also a big softy at heart, which doesnt help in this position.

Hi Claudia,

I mean thanks for the response etc,
but really it wouldn’t go a miss to try and make note
that some people that come on here could be quite
upset or confused and come here to get help or advise.

You can be honest and yet not so abrupt.
I don’t find it easy to get involved with people – just like that
which is why I suppose this was a biggy for me, as with him I did within
a few weeks.
So for me the answer isnt to just go and find someone else.

I need to get past this and not get involved too quickly in future.
As I say – I never usually do. I’m not someone that just moves to another
so quickly.
I need to put this behind me and just start having fun again I think.

Oh my.. you didn’t learn a thing, did you?

This man is only into you for the sex.

What grown ass man is going to act odd around you because of the guys he hangs out with? Does that even make sense to a grown woman like you? And these others who ‘encourage’ him to be with you? For what? A roll in the sack?

This man hasn’t been in touch with you in two weeks and hasn’t asked you on a proper date. All it took to get him into bed was for you to do all the work and show up to see him at a bar.

I’m sorry, but you have totally taught this man how to treat you poorly and that your expectations are minimal when it comes to a man having to work his way between your legs. If you are happy with that, great!

But this approach is not going to result into a full blown relationship. You are a woman of convenience and I’m sure those two weeks you were gone he found another woman to take home instead. He has low interest other than an easy lay.

I agree, you are much too old for this, yet you haven’t learned a thing.

Men aren’t afraid and so easily influenced by their friends. He is only interested in sex with you and his friends know it too.

You are showing zero self respect, boundaries or control. It’s so sad that you learned nothing here and just repeated the FWB pattern. That’s all this is

He doesn’t refuse to talk to me infront of his other mates, he just gets a load of stick when he does. One of them made a pass at me before him and I know his reasons are because he is jealous. So he doesnt refuse he just doesnt give them meat to pick at – so’s to speak.

I do know he isnt sleeping with anyone else, I know that for sure.
One of the staff was asking what was going on with us and I just said we like each other, she said you can see that he doesn’t take his eyes off you. I said he’s shy at times isnt he, she replied saying he was cos he’s not had a relationship since his wife, so….
I asked if there was anyone else, she said no, he only ever comes in here, football, and work and he’s a nice guy.

She did add, he needs to stay away from his younger mates as their childish, but i think there just company as his older mates are all paired off so he’s on his own.

I know you could say well why doesnt he take you out – I really think because it’s his local bar, he afraid if it goes wrong then it will be awkward.

Yes I’ve made it easy for him – can I just say I have needs too, that doesnt mean – well you asked for it. He’s not murdered anyone.

I’m not looking for sympathy, just advice as I’ve been off the scene. And I can see and hear the advice is I’m being used, so thats the advice. I’m not – not hearing it guys.

We will see what tonight and next few weeks brings, I’ve just recevied a text from him telling me to enjoy the party I’m goig to first and that I looked lovely last night.

Men talk, which is why his mates flirt with you too. They think you are easy for sex.

And don’t trust what people tell you. He likely is seeing other women. I was with a few men like this who had ‘friends’ that simply covered for him. No one is going to get into his or your business by saying he isn’t seeing anyone else. Besides, how would they know? Does he live with them? Report into them?

If all he does is wait at the bar for you to show up and then take you home for sex? That’s all he wants from you.

But then you already know that, because no one is this dumb… except mike.

Hi Delta, l think you just need to talk to him. You’re both adults. You will get nowhere without communication and its better that you know .Just ask him what he is looking for, and listen to him.
Hooking up is different as age increases in that some ‘dating’ rules don’t apply. You say he has taken you out – so that’s good. Do you communicate much outside of the bar
This may turn into a relationship it may not, but you do need to talk or you will drive yourself crazy.
Also – he’s a bit old to be bothered what his friends say…just something to think about – immature

Hi Janet & Hannah.

Yes he is a bit old to worry about what they think I agree, and will pull him that as a start base I think. if they didnt shout across the bar everytime he came near me, life would be a lot easier. It’s to him personally, it’s quite a public display they do.
I have actually said to them – for gods sake grow up you lot. They openly admit they do it to embarrass.
So the minute that happens, then others in the bar are saying – oh are yous an item.
I must admit I do jump in and say ignore them.

Yes Janet we have been out together, for drinks also for a meal, and chilled watching a film.
In all honesty we don’t communicate much out of the bar. At present I’m running my new business and his job is demanding – but yes a little text here and there in the week would be nice to hear from him.

Janet & Hannah, Your both right, we need to communicate more. And your probably both also right – I don’t want to ask as I probably am worried of the response.

See part of the reason I came on here was to try and find (as I have been off the scene) at what stage (these days) is it right to ask – I suppose whenever you want is the answer.

Can I also add – when we very first ‘got it together’ he did ask if I wanted to stay – it was a long weekend, bank hol, and he was going to see friends and family and would I like to go with him.
I said no – sorry I did now as that might have established something – but I had work committments. From then he became more reserved regards us. For a fleeting moment, I have wondered if he thinks I’m the one that wants fb’s situation.

Last night I met the girls as we were celebrating an occasion. Within 20 minutes of me getting in he joined company near to me. Us girls were leaving to go somewhere else to celebrate with cocktails – I just thought let em all speak and went over and said I’m going.
He gave me a kiss and hug and said I looked lovely as usual and to have a lovely night. No not a massive response I know, but an improvement.

But I do agree, I need to try and have a conversation – our communication started off great and ended up in the gutter.

Wow, really? – last night – 1 wine, 1 celebration cocktail, then lime and soda for the rest of the evening.
2 other girls in our company do not drink alcohol at all.

At my age? hangs out in a bar every nd.
Firstly I haven’t been in the bar for weeks – as mentioned above.
Secondly – I do dance, swimming, in a cycling club, and scuba diving.
Thirdly – I run my own business and in the midst of developing it.
weeke
AND Fourthly – The whole dammed reason I do go out where and when I want now is because I’m now out of a bigoted marriage where I was stuck in and left alone.

So yes maybe I’m trying to not be restricted as I was forced to be for many years.

Stop being presumptuous, taking what I’m saying to another level – beyond recognition in my life.

You didn’t go to the bar for two weeks because women on here suggested you stay away from him to see what he would do. He did nothing. No dates. Nothing.

Then you show up two weeks later, and conveniently he takes you home for sex. As long as that is what you are ok with.. but it sounds like he is controlling you like the ex. He isn’t reaching out and planning dates or pursuing. He is making you come to him, and then, if convenient, he gets easy sex and companionship.

Ashley,

That does make a lot of sense.

I suppose because I really do like him and have developed feelings for him, it’s getting kinda hard to pull away from him, I realise it will be harder in the future.

But maybe it’s what I need to try and do, sooner rather than later.
I suppose I feel there is a nagging doubt that I am sure he has feelings too, my gf’s think he does.
Can I also add, my gf’s say, he never talks to other women when I’m not there.
So I am truly convinced I am the only person he see’s.
But yeah I need to probably stand back more and see if anything changes.

Agree with the others, you have no cue what your doing but yet you keep doing it…they call it a form of insanity…doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result!

He likes having SEX with you! A man who truly wants to be with a woman would make darn sure she’s knows what his intentions are! The fact he refuses to talk or discuss it with you, nor plans REAL DATES regularly (at least 1 – 2 times a week), nor keeps in regular contact are CLEAR SIGNS he’s NOT interested in a relationship with you.

Men are very rational and logical—what you see is what you get. What you are seeing is a non-interested man, and what you are getting is a roll in the hay because you make it so easy for him to ‘get sex’ without having to do a darn thing other than show up to a bar. You are in a state of denial and it is not blissful.