Think I'm too old for all this

Hi Ashley,

just a quick update.
I went in the bar last night, with my friend, and during the evening we decided to go across the road to another bar for an hour, when we came back – he came and sat in our company alone. I was surprised a little as none of his friends were in our company at that time.
As I was leaving I gave him a peck on the cheek as I do all my friends and bid them all goodnight.

Tonight he wasnt out, as it’s his football tomorrow, so I will see what tomorrow evening brings.
I’m feeling quite positive and good about myself.

Hi Kelly,

Yes I am optimistic I can move on.
A few things Ashley said regards ‘my worth’ hit home.

I’m the prize not him.

I just feel – my new business is doing well, I’ve refocused back on it these last
few days, bought a new car and my mind space is not taken up totally by him.

I will see him sometime today as we’re attending the same function this afternoon.
But I’m not expecting him to ask me on a date, not anytime soon anyway.
I think he’s trying to get his head around whats going down with the change in me.

I will make sure I leave the function before him –
1) Because I have a massive day tomorrow – workwise
2) I don’t want him to get the impression I’m waiting around for him – as I wont be.
I want to be up early and through alot of business by 11am and then go and try out a new Gym.

Thats my plans for that rest of this weekend.

Hi Kelly,

No I know, I did mean that light heartedly.
And as I say – thinking back I encouraged that situation as much
if not more than he. It’s just I developed feelings.

He did ask the other night for me to join him at the bar for a drink, I just said I’m in company, maybe later. But of course I didn’t join him.

Think the change in me is because of a massive movement in my business, which I didnt see coming. It also worried me that I took my eye off the ball and it could have gone the other way, thankfully it didn’t.

Made me realise that everything I’ve been working for – I was not treating with the importance I normally would.
So yes I’m planning my days – what I’m doing and sticking to it no matter what to stay on track.
I am certainly not going to ask him if he wants a coffee, and I’m making myself just out of reach, to make it difficult for him to ask me.

As you say, it’s hard to read.
I felt like he wanted to have a conversation at the bar – well obviously he did.

But because I’m still in a weaker please – I didn’t want to feel vunerable, which was why I declined.

I’m staying focused, as I say andkeeping in mind what I’m trying to acheive in business.
He can talk to me openingly, I’m not going to the bar to chat, as I dont want him to ask any questions of me. I don’t really feel he has the right.

Good for you Delta! Keep up the new attitude!

If he asks for a night cap, I would say this:

” I would like to go on a date. That sounds great! I’m tired of going to the same old bar. I am free on xxx and xxx evenings.’

That’s it. You don’t have to get into bitter messages about FWB and all that. aFterall, you set the stage for that before so you will sound foolish telling him that NOW.

Men don’t respond to words. But they understand actions.
Your actions moving forward need to be those of a woman wanting to date and get into a real relationship.

If he isn’t even willing to set a date, after I suggested that line? Just give up. The guy is not going to pursue you.

As it is, HE should have sent a text last night or today to follow up and say it was nice seeing and dancing with you. But apparently, even that is work for him. I am so not impressed with the guy. But if you really like him, give him one more shot.

After this, I would just write it off and look elsewhere. Put him in the friend with NO benefit category.

Thanks Lyn & Nat,

Both of you have given me good advice, and I will keep it in mind.

I’m trying to move forward and not expect to hear from him – which I know
I won’t.
Arrghh it’s so frustrating when you fancy the pants off someone. we’re also in the same profession, so had loads to talk about in that area also, which he did more than I.

Anyway, i will keep you posted –
Thank you guys – so much xxx

oh dear it sounds like you are a dog with a bone with this guy. Hes so complicated and too much work, seriously. Theres no hope for this one. You make choices and decisions in life and this guy will always mess up. Hes too negative. You need to really just forget about him. And i mean properly forget about him, not just put on a brave face, keep busy but internally be obsessing and hoping. I mean properly accepting its a no go and moving on to date others with the intention of that leading to something. You could waste years of your life on this one but choose not to hes not the only guy on the planet you know. x

Too much work! Funny thing is this. Men magically get over hurts and exes when they find the one they really want to be with. This is all very good manipulation on his part and his friend. Men who really want you don’t see or have sexy with other women to ‘get over ‘ someone they never had a serious relationship with to begin with. Doesn’t that just sound ludicrous?

‘I’m getting over a woman I never even tried to make a gf?’ Please don’t be that stupid and naive.

I’m sorry you are hurt, but it was pretty obvious to anyone paying attention (and not emotionally involved) that this is where this was headed.

His friends aren’t very mature either. Why is he getting involved in this?! So high school.I would take anything he told you with a grain of salt (and without any real merit) as far as this guys “feelings” for you.

Sounds like they all need to grow up.

My ex was in a horrible marriage. His own family, and even people that were friends of both he and his ex, wife told me what a nightmare she was. And she cheated extensively,

But when we got together he made it clear pretty early he was serious about me. He said he was not about to allow a bad marraige, and their wrong woman, keep him from the right woman (me). He was callling me his GF before 2 months (we did date many years ago, so we had history). He didn’t want to waste time this time around, regardless of his failed marriage.

A man who really wants you doesn’t waste your time. He gives you the bulk of his time, attention, and affection. He never leaves you wondering. A man who doesn’t makes excuses. It is really that simple.

If you really learn to absorb and accept this, it will make dating much easier for you going forward, and you will quickly cut off the emotionally unavailable time wasters.

Most people – kinda know the answer before they come on here, but a lot more come on here for re-assurance and advice, a kind word.