This community is sometimes toxic, some posters

[Sylvia]

I’d like to thank you all your advice. I’ll remember you fondly especially some of you. You were better than a therapist.
However, I’d like to say goodbye for now because I can’t post anything without getting hate (ok, Duchess of Sussex’s seduction style topic might be unnecessary but no harmful).
I’m afraid of posting anything now because some of you, the minority makes me literally scared. I’m just posting this and addressing this to those who will give advice the future posters. Really this place stopped being empowering and instead finger-pointing. I can’t do this anymore. I learnt a lot from you guys. Wish you all the best

[Newbie]

This is another example of borderline behaviour. Seriously im not saying this to annoy or insult you, but i really think you have this and could benefit from a diagnosis and therapy. Your thoughts are all over the place and you suddenly think you can fix this and that. And then there is another problem and new tons of questions and now this forum is toxic. Thats really not ‘normal’ behaviour. And i dont mean youre abnormal but what is the stand for general. I can understand youre done, but again its with drama, like how you quit your ex. I wish you all the best and hope you understand there are no Quick fixes and you dont need to question yourself every single day:-)

[Liz Lemon]

I’m 100% with Newbie. There’s no point to posting things like this except to create drama. In another thread of yours I commented that you seem frantic. You seem very attention seeking. I’m saying this to be honest, not cruel. I have followed many of your threads and no one has been mean to you or given you hate. Just because someone disagrees with you or says something you don’t like doesn’t mean they’re giving you hate. Even on your duchess of Sussex thread, which I agree with some posters was not a topic that has any bearing on a normal person’s love life. But no one was mean to you.

[Anon]

Agree for you to follow up with a professional. I think if you had anxiety before Covid- you are prime to have it more severe which is one of the behaviors you are displaying. It’s amazing what therapists can do to really get at the root of these behaviors to truly change. It is illogical to believe you’ve changed from this site so quickly. Please follow up with someone who will be an unbiased listener in your life.

[ANM Staff]

Starting a topic about Meghan Markle on this forum is an unusual choice. Generally, the regulars in this community address things that are more grounded in an ongoing situation that affects normal people. Talking about celebrities (literal royalty) is more hypothetical and removed from our everyday reality. I was tempted to shut that one down, because those hypothetical threads have a chance of not arriving anywhere helpful. It seems that our community members were concluding the same thing.

I left that thread open though, because I had a feeling our community members would have some insightful meta-moderation (commenting about the choice to bring up the topic rather than the topic itself). In that regard, they did not disappoint!

I’m sorry you feel like you were getting “hate” and that you have become scared of some minority of posters.

Putting aside the thread about “what’s the deal with Princesses?” and looking at your other topics: I did see a few comments expressing extreme exasperation. I tend to give a lot of leeway for blunt comments and “tough love” as long as they’re done with the intent of bringing a person to clarity. (Some people who visit this forum actually need to hear something blunt to dislodge them from their mental prison. So sometimes I let things slide if I think it’s going to jolt someone to a more positive place. It’s not that I condone it, it’s just that I can’t deny that it’s effective for some people.)

But did things get out of control and become too mean? Ehhhh… I don’t know about that. If I erred on the side of being too permissive, then I’m sorry. But rest assured, I keep an eye on things. I think this place has a different tone than it did prior to August 2019.

[ANM Staff]

Having said all that.. I’m going to shut down the Meghan Markle thread, because I think there’s agreement that it didn’t arrive at a helpful conclusion.

And after some thought… I’m going to close this one too. I kind of want to leave it open, because I don’t like posting a dissenting opinion like I did above, then closing the door. I think sometimes there’s some good that can come out of threads like this. … But I would deeply regret leaving this open and then seeing it turn into a pie fight. (I trust the community here, but let’s not leave the opportunity for some uninvested passerby to make a drive-by swipe.)

Last thought: I am glad that you gained clarity from your topic threads. That’s the whole purpose of this forum. I wish you good luck, and I hope you are willing to seek more help.

[Author]

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