This Is Why Men Ghost!

The guy who ghosted on me did it, I guess, because he was afraid to hurt my feelings and to cause conflict. He was a coward. We dated for 6 months and even though we always said that we could date other people we were a couple in public and met friends and family. He started to pull away and I asked him why and if he wanted to stop dating. I gave him every opportunity to tell me the truth. After a while I stopped calling and I never heard from him again.

So in my experience guys ghost because they are cowards and they shouldn’t be in relationships in the first place if they can’t be mature enough to say that it’s over. Now, after they say it’s over, I have entirely too much pride to chase and try to have them change their minds. Then I can see them ignoring the women who can’t let it go and don’t blame them for it, but that’s not what I consider ghosting.

Interesting discussion. I think it is quite safe to say that some men and women are their own worst enemies. Now, that is understandable if they are in their 20s, but when it happens when they are in the 40s or later, then it’s a case of someone just refusing to learn the lessons that life has tried to teach them and therefore, they deserve the “ghosting” and “ignoring” and “blocking” of these “psycho-tendencied” men and women.

Lesson here: If a guy ghosts on you, let him go, move on and date someone who cares about you. Especially if you’re in your 20s, learn this quick so you can have a long and happy marriage and a house full of happy kids and parents.

If you’re older, if you haven’t killed your ego yet, it’s time to do it now, or you will die a shriveled old maid or shriveled and dirty old man ALL ALONE FOREVER!

So, what happens if you directly ask a guy if they are not interested and they avoid the question? They just keep being nice to you?

I had posted something similar “why are men so afraid”.

It is just common decency to say “yay” or “nay” when you are looking to get someone to be emotionally involve with you. At any level. Why be on a dating site, meet with potential dates in hopes of being interested and just walk. If you can’t handle it don’t date! End of story.

If you can’t be open and honest, what a horrible existence being intimately involved with someone.

I don’t have much experience myself with being ghosted – but I’ve read plenty of stories on here about it. Much of the time, it involves a situation where there’s been texting/talking beforehand for a while, so the girl has grown attached before she even met him. Usually, she’s gone on 1-3 dates (occasionally 4) with him and then he ghosted. This is not a relationship. This is the guy seeing if he’s attracted, if there’s chemistry, etc., and then deciding there isn’t.

Yes, it would be courteous to provide an explanation – but I’m sure the guy is thinking in his head ‘What? I’m going to tell her I’m just not attracted to her? No way, I don’t need that drama, better to fade out.’

Not very brave – true. Not very considerate – true. Very selfish – true. Very practical – also true – because men know that most women are emotional and men hate drama, and men don’t like to hurt women’s feelings.

The bottom line is that if a guy isn’t calling – he’s not interested. Wait to have sex with him until you can tell he’s completely into you and not just looking for sex. And don’t get too attached to a guy by texting and talking on the phone or after the 1st or 2nd date!

And let a guy chase you – this will avoid being ghosted on a majority of the time.

Dating sites are a very clear assumption that people are looking to get involve with someone. That’s why they are there. I have to say again if you join a dating site you are going to find people who want to get involved with you. Serious, play, casual, networking, whatever. Which means you have to be clear with everyone. It’s connecting with another human which means if you aren’t interested, don’t pursue and/or walk away without saying Good-bye.

Well said Newbie, you nailed it.

Newbie, you are so correct. I cannot stand them. Joined POF in July, received a flurry of ridiculous contacts and then shut that puppy account down for me before the end of July Ugh!! I meet my choice of men through friends! I usually know most of their friends etc so my “getting to know a guy” is cut down about 50%. Me wanting a committed, every week contact.. Nope!

Stefanie – great quote about seeing people in away that they have with themselves. Very true. How you see yourself apart from what a man will think. It does suck when they ghost when you are invested with them around 6 months, then a few days later they come back…those are just games and yes cowardly behavior from both sides (for those who do ghost on others). Jessica is right on that sex is not the same to them. They don’t care about the sex. It’s so easy these days and with all the options out there doesn’t even mean anything to them. Literally a buffet of women, some you have to cook longer to eat but the all you can eat buffets are everywhere!

To be honest with everyone, I hate most opinions on this matter. First of all you don’t just get “hurt” if you were in a relationship and they ghost. It’s more than hurt, and that requires a in-person break-up. That’s worse than someone using you for sex. Those guys are actually WORSE than the guys who use you for sex then ghost you. Second of all, I’m sorry, but I don’t care if someone has seen someone once, twice, 3 times and hooked up then the guy ghosted, the girl should know. Because guys who ghost (and stop giving them excuses) aren’t running away from drama by telling you straight up they don’t want to see you anymore and no they ain’t scared to tell you, those guys are simply keeping the option open for when they do want to see you again and keeping you on the hook because they can just come back whenever they feel like it and with an excuse. So stop giving guys the excuse, because they’re only selfishly not burning the bridge by making a decision and keeping the option open. If they came out and told you straight “hey i don’t want to see/hook up with/date you anymore” that burns that bridge then they can’t hook up with you anymore. No, they prefer disappearing for as long as they want (during even a normal conversation, or in my case, me practically telling him I’m on the same page of not wanting anything serious too) only to have him still not reply and go for one week straight if I don’t text. So EVEN when you’re clear that you have the same intentions, they ghost? Clearly because you’re an option OR they don’t even know what they want. Yeah he could not want to see the girl again and no people it’s not a lack of interest cos they wouldn’t even bother to see you more than once, haven’t any of you thought that those commitment phobes are actually scared because maybe they realised they actually really liked you and it scared them? The last time I saw this guy, he showed obvious signs and verbally mentioned jeslousy. So even those guys that just want sex, they’re humans too. They get feelings too. Stop making guys seem like robots because even if they ghost it doesn’t mean they didn’t like you it can even mean the opposite. Hence the “ghosting” and not telling you straight up in order to keep you around. Maybe they honestly are confused themselves..?

Judy, my guess- He wasn’t single…

I recently had to GHOST a guy who after 6 months of texting, was married! What a scoundrel. He never mentioned it and when an acquaintance brought it to my attention, I flipped out. We didn’t have a relationship per se but I got really attached to him and found it hard to let go. No sex or even hanging out that much. I gather he just wanted the attention. He was insecure and had low self-esteem and I kept telling him how great, attractive he was on a regular basis. I was at his fingertips without any other effort on his part. I was lonely and here he was suddenly wanted to be friends and giving me attention.

Does anyone think I owe him an explanation in this case, given that it was a pen pal liaison for the most part? He hasn’t contacted me to ask why all the silence.

Guys ghost because they are afraid of the woman’s reaction. They can’t handle it. I was recently rejected and someone here mentioned how you can become obsessed and that happened to me. It’s all about the ego. The problem is he didn’t want to go away. He wanted to remain friends and even after he started seeing someone else (I only know because she posted pics on fb) he still would constantly comment on my social media. I finally realized a few days ago that I had to put an end to it. You cannot be friends with someone you still have feelings for. Sure, it’s great for him. He gets to flirt with a girl he knows is still into him and feed his ego. (for the record I completely ignored ALL his comments after I found out about the new girl, still he persisted) So, I deleted him from all social media. It’s not always easy cutting ties and saying goodbye to any ounce of hope I was holding onto, but I was the only one getting hurt and I had to stop the bleeding. Now, time to heal.

Though it’s the cowardly way out, sometimes I think ripping off the bandaid and disappearing may be the nicer thing to do. Not ghosting per se, but just cut off all ties immediately. Girls, do not hang on. If he wants you, no matter what, he’ll come find you.

Nancy, what do you really want to hear? Why would you even bother asking TWICE about someone who had been fooling you for so long? Let him have it, he deserves it LOL