Thoughts on Eric’s Advice on Sex?

I think what’s most important is where your mindset is. Honestly, if you’re doing it, so soon, for you and for the experience with low expectations, sex on the first date is fine. And fun! You have to own it and accept that even if it leads to nothing, you’re doing it for your own reasons. xo

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a fulfilling relationship. Nor do I think that’s a turn off for guys. The problem seems to be when women are desperate to have a relationship and look to a man to make them feel “whole”. When a woman leaks these unattractive qualities men tend to have one of two responses (1) run away or (2) take advantage of her desperation by having sex with her and then disappear.

There will always be men who want FWB. Hell, I’m sure my current BF would have been happy to go there with me too if I’d let him! He knew I would not settle for that so his choice was to either step up to the plate or go away. He chose to do the former, and he didn’t make that choice lightly, he had to think about it first, and he moved SLOWLY (a very good sign). I wouldn’t have thought any less of him if he wasn’t ready for a relationship or didn’t want one with me. We just would have stayed friends.

When you communicate your standards to a man he’ll either be willing to give you what you want or he won’t. Either way you won’t have to sit there scratching your head and wondering. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen women on here start a post with “what does it mean when…?”. The answer is usually he’s not her guy, because if he was, she would know it and wouldn’t need to put together “clues” to know if he likes her or not. Too many women don’t want to accept that something is not meant to be, they hang on until they are kicked to the curb. (I have done this myself I’m sorry to say.) Instead of thinking that his rejection is about HER, a woman would be much wiser to realize it’s just not a match and move onto someone that she is actually suited to.

Gee I feel like we’ve hijacked this thread… so sorry everyone. Anyway great to talk to you Rose, I can see you’ve been working on yourself, as many of us are. I’m sure most women have felt desperate at one time or another, at the very least. And I agree, the truth is sometimes hard to face, but until we do, we are gonna be making the same mistakes and/or picking the same kinds of men over and over. After my last rel’p went south and left me feeling devastated, I decided to make some big changes in my life. I’m so glad I did.

Getting back to the topic tho… it looks like most people agree that it’s not when you have sex that counts, but whether a woman is emotionally ready, what she’s looking for (casual or serious rel’p) and communicating with the man about her standards and what she wants.

Having said all that, I’m sure there are some men who would rule out a woman as “relationship material” for having sex on the first date. So I guess it depends on circumstances, it’s not always a black and white issue.

Harley, what is NSA?