Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Tinder advice..
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Diana.
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Rose
Hi ladies, I posted here a few months back when I was hooked on a guy I was dating and devastated things ended… urgh I laugh about it now.. No clue what I saw in him. But received a lot of great help on here, so thought I would seek a different kind of advice :)
Anyway, after a summer of guy-free fun, its back to the world of reality.. and am open to dating again.
I decided to join Tinder (not sure what are you ladies thoughts on this?) I work in a big city, London, in a female dominated industry, fashion… and find it really hard to meet men
I thought I’d give this a go as I don’t like the thought of having to ‘describe’ myself so deeply on an internet site. I didn’t really take Tinder seriously as just wanted to check out the talent and I posted a few pics of myself, and a little slogan.
I know I’m good looking (sorry don’t mean to sound up myself, but need to paint the picture for you girls), but know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.
Anyway after a lot of matches I got to chatting to a few guys, and I actually have a couple of dates lined up! (very quick!)
Now, firstly I am not on here for sex, I don’t do one night stands… And I learnt from the last guy I dated, that I want to wait a while before even getting intimate.
Should I tell the guys on the first date (or before meeting up with them?) that I’m not interested in one night stands? Or do I just see how the date goes, and if they invite me back, I decline?
Secondly, how do you tell how tall a guy is? I’m fairly tall for a woman, and don’t want to give anyone a surprise and I want to make sure they are taller than me!
Thirdly, do you exchange surnames before you meet up so you can ‘stalk’ them and ensure they are who they say they are?
P.S any other tips from people who have used Tinder would be much appreciated :)
Emily
Hi,
I’ve used Tinder for about a month so hopefully I can answer your questions.1)I don’t bring the topic of one night stands up simply because it was never brought up in the conversation. The few dates I have had were casual but if you really are getting vibes from someone on what they want in a date I would tell them straightforward what you want so there is no confusion later on.
2) Most of the time I’ve come across guys who list their height. I’ve never done this on my own profile but it could be helpful in picturing what you are like in person.
3)I waited on this too but mainly just after the first date. After meeting for the first time and you both get along I would exchange names and facebooks and what not that way you can get to know each other better. It might be weird to do it right away without meeting them but that’s just me.
Hope this helps!
flower
I d say, you don’t have to say it, your attitude should show it. He ll get the message through your body language, don’t need any lengthy explanations ;) If he s worthwhile, he ll continue pursuing, trying to win you over, getting to know you, before he tries again. this is also a good way to weed out the ones that are there only for that, only for some fun. But be careful not to get caught up in your own game! sometimes we really don’t want to, and then after a few drinks, and with what looks like a connection to us, we give in. Been there, done that. So really, stick to your guns, it will not push away the good guys, but it will definitely get rid of the wrong ones. Only sleep with a guy if you ve had enough of a sober/daytime together, when you feel you ve established that special caring connection, as Lane likes to repeat and i can’t hear it enough, GUYS DONT BOND THROUGH SEX but rather through activities, memories they have with a woman. And this alone helped me understand many of my failed relationships.
Asking for a surname before you ve even met up is a bit weird, i would say there is little risk if you meet up in a public, well-freequented place, and when you pay attention to what he does, how he treats other people more than to his words.Jenny
I met my now boyfriend on tinder! I was skeptical about it but it’s the easiest way for me to meet people since I work a lot and really don’t do the whole bar thing. I went on a few dates with some guys I met from there and some were just plain jerks. I was ready to give up but I met Jonathan and I couldn’t be happier. Our joke when we say how did we luck up and it’s because we swiped right. I think things are different with each person honestly. With Jonathan, our date went on and on and we talked about everything under the sun. A date that I thought would only last 2 hours ended up being 6! I am kinda weird about a height thing as well and Jonathan is exactly my height. Every time I get self conscious about it, I just think how big of jerks guys have been to me and i forget all about his height. I actually googled about how weird does it really look and realized how crazy that must sound. He found me on facebook after the first date but thats only because his phone got wet and thats how we communicated for a couple days. I am a firm believe now that you can meet your future someone in any situation! Just enjoy!
Ali
I was on tinder and dated a guy for 3 months from it. My best friend has been dating a guy for over a year she met on there!
You can tell early on who’s using it for dating and possible relationship and who is just trying to hook up. The guys interested in dating ask questions and try to get to know you. The hook ups guys are pretty obvious in their short answers and lack of depth.
Just treat it like you would any other online dating. Meet in a public place. Keep it to about 1-2 hours long. Maybe just grab a drink or a coffee on the first meeting and go from there! Good luck! Tinder is fun and entertaining at the very least :)
Ali
But to answer your other questions I am 5’9″ so I usually made a comment like so I’m kind of tall for a girl, mind if I ask how tall you are so I can know if I can break out the heels? All guys replied. Ive found most shorter guys don’t care about the height difference so that’s up to you!
I sometimes gave out my full name but I’ve found that to be problematic in that they then find you on facebook and add you. But if you add them and don’t hit it off then you have this person on your friends list and yea it’s just awkward. Lol
Claire
Ladies – do you initiate contact on tinder. I’m getting matches but no one ever seems to start a conversation. I’ve had one guy initiate out if about 15 matches. I’m not finding tinder to be that great to be honest and have signed up to another site.
Rose
Well i had my tinder date, and it went amazingly well! As soon as I saw him I was attracted to him, and he was really tall! Like maybe 6’2 ? Perfect for me!
And the date lasted 6 hours! We just talked and talked, and had a lot of fun. we have our second date on sunday! I am still not sure if hes looking for a relationship or just something casual, but he seemed to be very interested in me. So we will see how sunday goes! :D
I am shocked by how well it went! I gave another date with someone else next tuesday. If that goes well also, do i continue to see both of them at the same time? How does that work? This has never happened to me before!
Sherri
Rose, that is the question you need to ask on date 1 or 2 as later you cannot. You need to ask “when dating what are you looking for? Something casual or long term?” and then notice his body language along with his words. because what is the point of dating if you are looking for long term but he is looking for casual. You would just be wasting your time with him. As him this Sunday the question. It is a general question and nothing to do with you and that’s why the 1st or 2nd date is ideal to ask it. I actually ask the guys this even before I meet them. I am quite busy with a busy schedule so don’t really have time for guys who are only looking for casual hook ups.
Jenny
Yay!!! I am so glad it went well! I actually had another date lined up with someone as well but Jonathan asked me out again a few days before it and I knew that I didn’t want to go out with the second guy. Jonathan and I never really discussed about dating other people. We were just both so into one another that we didn’t want to see someone else. I will say to keep the eyes open! Before I was dating a guy from there and he said and did everything he thought I wanted, but it was only for sex. I’ve learned to pick up the red flags. Just go with your gut feeling! You’ll be able to pick up the signals.
Lidiya
One of my good friends met his (yes) BF on Tinder. That’s the only reason why I decided to give it a go because I was able to witness that there are actually decent people on it.
I’ve met 1 guy so far from tinder out of Lord knows how many matches. This guy went through a rigorous screening process to make sure he was legit and now a psycho. I told him off the bat that I was only on Tinder to make some local buddies as I am new to the area. With this particular guy, I felt ok with meeting him in person because we never had any sexual flirtations online, he was always polite and sweet. We met at a local Cantina and basically laughed the whole night. We made out that night (I couldn’t help myself!) but that’s it. We’ve seen eachother a few times since then same deal. We’ll kiss goodbye and that’s all.
I’m actually going to meet another Tinderoni *hehehee* tonight. He’s another sweet one. I don’t trust the thirsty dudes. It’s not that serious.
Lidiya
*ahem* NOT a psycho.
Rose
I’m glad I’m not the only one and others are finding love on Tinder! hehe
Well we were supposed to have our date tomorrow, but he cancelled because he’s not feeling well… but he told me he was looking forward to seeing me.
I told him I was too, I hope that was the right move. I thought it would have been rude if I hadn’t said anything, but then I don’t want to appear too keen too soon?Jenny
I’ll admit, at first I was a bit embarrassed about using it, but our path may have never crossed if we hadn’t. And really people meet all sorts of ways these days! Just be you and respond how you normally would. There is nothing wrong with showing excitement. Honestly, if the guy didn’t show any, I was gone. I remember this one guy told me to contact him on a day and he would see if he had time to hang out. Needless to say, I never contacted him. He didn’t sound too interested in meeting up. I hope all goes well! Keep us posted!
Rose
Hi girls! So i have my 3rd date with this guy on saturday. Its been a week since our last date because I went away on holiay, but he told me on our last date he wanted to see me when i get back and hes been texting me lots since. I think he really likes me, but we will see
Now i’m starting to think that i may end up staying over his house on saturday. He hasnt mentioned it, and i will definitely not be having sex with him…i am not ready for that yet, and also dont want to give him the wrong impression.
But i would have to cut our date short to get my last train home at like 11….which i really dont want to have to do on a saturday night. If he asks me to stay over, is it bad if i then dont sleep with him? Does it make me a tease? Should i just not stay over his, but then i will look lame that i have to leave early!It would be nice to stay over and get to know him a better, but maybe its too much too soon? What is normal girls?
Harley
I’d go home at 11. It’s too early.. 3 dates to stay over, and it will make him respect you more and keep him interested. Normally it;s an unspoken rule of 2-3 mths you sleep with him.
You don’t sound like you want to do it earlier so i’d wait till 6-8 dates before I stayed over ( no sex).
Mel
If you are not ready then don’t do it. You are still getting to know this guy 3 dates is too soon to put yourself in a position of staying at his house. who knows he could be a killer or a rapist you don’t know and being mister nice guy is his MO.
Im trying to get across is you don’t know him well enough to stay over. Just go home at 11, keep the mystery alive.Rose
Ok thanks, i wont stay over. He already asked me to watch a movie at his tonight, but I already had Plans. Do you think he had sex on his mind when he asked that?
Ann
Yes
Mel
Honey guys ANY GUY has sex on his mind all of the time. But yes he wants you to come over and watch a movie. Is code for if I play it right Ill get some tonight.
Mel
I posted this on FB it applies here.
When a guy calls you Hott, he is looking at your body
When a guy calls you Pretty, he is looking at your face
When a guy calls you beautiful, he is looking at your heartHowever all 3 of these guys still want to fuck you.
Rose
Well he has called me beautiful, not hot or pretty!
Anyway so on saturday when our date ends, i imagine he will tell me to stay at his… What excuse do i use why i can’t?
Mel
Just tell him you aren’t ready for that and would rather go home.
If he makes it a big deal and tries to pressure you that is a major red flag and you should then cut contact with himJuliette
I agree with Mel and Harley and Ann. Three dates is too early. Avoid a date at his house and go home at 11 like you obviously know you should. Always leave him wanting more. :)
Jenny
Be honest with him if he asks. There is nothing wrong with going on home. Staying would be a tease to him. He will know where you stand then at that point. That you aren’t an easy girl. I remember one night Jonathan said something about me staying the night because it was like 2 am but he didn’t want to rock the boat too soon and put me in a compromising position. I didn’t have to say a thing. He had that respect for me and I was so relieved because 2 other guys put so much emphasis on it. Especially really soon. You’ll see true colors come out when you tell him you think it’s better of you head on home.
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