Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › tinder guy, another case of "he is not that into you"
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Ali.
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laury
So I met this guy about a month ago on Tinder. We talked for a month and then decided to meet up to have a couple of beers. It was perfect; we talked for a couple of hours and then left. He sent me a text saying he had fun and that if saw each other again one day wouldn’t be enough.
That was a Tuesday I saw him again on Friday and we had dinner. It was a very nice dinner and then we went to his house and sit on the balcony. We kissed like for an hour or so and then I left.
We went out again on Saturday and we went to the movies. Then we kissed a bit more afterwards and we said our goodbyes. Two days passed and he didn’t contacted me at all until Tuesday asking me on a road trip , I said no but that we could meet when got back. So we met that day and kissed a lot, talked a lot but nothing happened. I left and that was on Wednesday of last week. I texted him on Friday and we talked like 5 phrases. And on Saturday I asked him if he wanted to drop by on a party I was. Nothing too serious. He replied nicely and said he was working.
Nothing ever since, he has been active on whatsapp and on tinder so I don’t think he’s busy. I Noticed he only texted me when we wanted to hang out…and if I’m honest with myself I think he is very cute but I know this wouldn’t work. We’re too different. But why did he stop texting me? I just want answers…this always happens to me! And I’m not even looking for a relationship this time :/ maybe he is just disappointed because we met 4 times and still no sex?
Like I said I’m not looking for anything super serious but even casual things need some stability and we cannot meet just when we wants and not when I want to.
So I know he is just not into me but there where things…like he always said we should this or that(go to places), or that he said he was very into me, or last time he said “I met you on this very weird time of your life(I’m graduating soon) but on the other hand we always went Dutch with the checks, and he only texted me to hang out. I’m not naïve, we’ve met on tinder and I know he’s not looking for anything serious with me because of his course of actions…but this seems to happen to me a lot. What am I doing wrong? Am I being clingy?
I know that there is nothing to do here since I already contacted him two times…but why this happens? I now I need to move on, but I don’t deal well with rejection. So if you have a piece of advice or just support I would love it.
Lovely talking to you all <3Juliette
Hi Laury
It did not work out because he is not the right guy for you. You said it yourself. You haven’t necessarily done anything wrong other than underestimating your value. Guys need to ask you for dates (in advance) and pay for you AND they need to do the pursuing (don’t text them or call them or FB them..) It will never work out with the wrong guy. Start looking for the right guy (in the right places.)
Laury
Hey Juliette!
Thanks for your super helpful response.
The thing is I’m not looking for the “one” right now. I’m looking for someone fun to date… But like I said even in those casual situations you need some stability.
So,
Yeah,
I guess I shouldn’t have texted him, but it’s done already.
I need to move on… But I just don’t understand why guys do the “ghost” thing if I wasn’t even looking for a relationship? Oh well.Juliette
Laury
Ghosting is definitely a strange phenomenon. I think technology has made it very easy to be cowardly. Don’t take it personally at all. Lots of guys do it and it says more about them than you.
If you are not looking for ‘the one’ right now then you should just be dating lots of guys. Don’t get hung up on one over the other, just keep accepting dates with different people. I don’t think it is possible to find stability in a casual situation. Maybe spend a little time writing down what you want out of dating. Be very honest with yourself. Then you will immediately know when someone isn’t matching up with what you are looking for and it makes decisions easy.
Side note – dating should be FUN and EASY. If it is feeling difficult it is because what you are accepting from guys isn’t matching what you want for yourself. Or because you are getting too caught up in your mind rather than enjoying the date for what it is – an opportunity to spend fun time with another person.
Good luck! :)Stefanie
Laury, if you don’t deal with rejection well, then life is going to be hard.
I suggest to you that “rejection” doesn’t exist. Selection does. Only you can reject yourself by telling yourself that you’ve been rejected.
You are very clear this wasn’t going to work, so why even give it a second thought? Get rid of the belief that “this always happens to me” and it will stop happening, see what I mean?
Online dating means developing a thick skin and not getting attached too quickly. Or else don’t do it, it will do your head in for sure. This wasn’t really a case of ghosting. You two barely knew each other.
Keep going, you’ll be successful!! :)
Ali
I had about 1 year of dating where things never progressed past the 1st or 2nd date. It was crazy and I felt crazy. When I stopped putting so much pressure on dates, just taking it one day at a time, and looking more to if I Liked The guy and not if he liked me, then things definitely started changing.
You said you knew it wouldnt work out, so why care that he stopped texting? It’s a waste of your energy. Use this time to work on you and leading a full life. This site and others really helped me
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