Tindering, need some advice!

Where does he live in America? Did you meet him online or in real life?

I wouldn’t overthink it at this point. If he’s willing to fly all that way and get his own accommodations so he can get to know you better, no harm in that I can see. I’d avoid getting sexual with him.

The problem with these situations is someone would have to up sticks and move a long way into a different culture for this to work out in the long run, and you’d have to get married because someone will need a visa. Getting to know someone well enough to get to that stage can be tricky, because when you get together, it’s like a mini-honeymoon. It’s very hard to get to know the real person under those circumstances.

If you can keep it light and have fun with this for a while without developing major feelings or expectations, go for it. If you can’t, stick to dating men in Ireland. If you both have kids on the younger side and it would be hard for either of you to move country, then honestly this can’t be more than a fling.

I once had a guy from New Zealand contact me on an online dating site. He was cute, so I answered. I had fun chatting with him… until I found out he had 5 kids with 3 different women, and was looking for a fresh start in America. Which he eventually admitted meant he was looking for a green card marriage, with someone he liked or loved so it could be a real marriage. Oh good grief. I cut it off. It was just a big fantasy and I’d say to someone don’t bother talking to guys abroad unless you’re really ready willing and able to go where they are or you can handle them coming to you and also that you’re both willing to do the work to get to know each other. You’d have to be prepared for it to not work out and be able to walk away, not just stick in there because of the sunk cost of a lot of time.

Totally agree with Angiebaby.

It’s not really a matter of rushing things… if you want to see each other, then of course traveling needs to be involved. Booking another flight isn’t a rush if he has the time and money (also agree he should still be booking his own accommodations). It’s always easier to get to know someone in person. However, you say you both have kids. How old are the kids? If you’re hoping this potentially turns into something real, and at least one set of kids isn’t about to be adults, it will be pretty difficult to close the distance by eventually moving.

So think about what you’re generally looking for. If you ideally want a serious relationship at this life stage and there are younger kids involved, this probably won’t turn out to be a suitable situation. You’d be better off keeping yourself emotionally available for another good man in a situation with better logistics. If you’re looking for fun, fantasy, and the romance that comes from anticipating being together after time apart, and you’re okay with the romantic connection eventually potentially ending over distance issues, then enjoy your time together. If the ages of the kids isn’t a problem, you’ll get to know each other over time and eventually determine if it’s going anywhere.

I also would want to know how long he has been divorced? If it’s recently, he may get quickly caught up in the excitement of this, but not be ready for more than a fling. So, again as Angiebaby said, enjoy the situation for what it is but don’t invest too quickly.

I have actually seen a couple of situations like this work out in marriage after a year or two of back and forth effort, but they didn’t involve couples with kids or anyone still getting over another relationship.

I completely agree with the others. How old are both your kids? If they’re still young, it will be difficult if not impossible for one of you to uproot your lives to move across the ocean. Kids aside, one of you would so have to leave behind your career, family, friends, your entire life. That’s asking a lot.

I also agree that LDRs are based primarily on fantasy. I’ve had LDRs with guys in other countries. Visiting each other was always like a holiday– it was nothing like real life. So it was difficult to get a sense of what living together day to day would be like.

I know we’re all being downers here! But just trying to give honest perspective. If you can enjoy the moment with this guy, that’s fine, but definitely don’t get too emotionally invested too quickly.