Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Tips on how to keep dating spark going during lockdown
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Newbie.
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Lucie
Hi all,
Looking for some advice please as I am finding dating a struggle during lockdown (I’m based in the UK so this is our third national lockdown so meeting up with people is not so easy!)
Basically, I was chatting with a guy that I matched with on Bumble at New Year, literally days before the UK went into lockdown again – it was quite flirtatious at first although we didn’t message every day but of course going into lockdown meant that when you would naturally choose to meet up and see if the chemistry translates in real life couldn’t really happen legally (I mean you could do a park date I guess but not really the same).
Anyway, since then we have had some text/sexting misunderstandings and he has since said that he is struggling with the lockdown and needs some space at the moment – not sure if he just isn’t interested or is generally finding the lockdown hard (my last message has been left on read so not the greatest sign)
So… does anyone have any tips to keep things interesting and not have things fizzle out?
Liz Lemon
You haven’t met this guy in person, right? Unfortunately if you haven’t met, I think it would be really difficult for there to be any kind of “spark” at all. This is such a cr@ppy time to be dating, honestly, so I’m sorry for that. But if he’s telling you he needs space and has left you on read, there’s nothing you can do at the moment but leave him alone and see if he reaches out to you again.
Can you meet up for a walk in a park? If so I would strongly suggest doing that, either with this guy if he contacts you again, or with other guys you may be talking to. There’s nothing wrong with a “park date” at this point. First of all, guys bond over activities, not words; so you have a better chance of connecting with a guy if the two of you DO something (even just a walk in the park) than you would through texting. Second, that way you can establish if there is a spark or physical attraction. If there is, I think the guy is more likely to ride out the restrictions until you can date properly. At the moment you’re just an unknown woman he’s been texting with (by unknown I mean he has not spent any time with you in person), and he could very well be texting other women for all you know; so he may have other options he prefers to pursue rather than an endless back-and-forth text conversation.
So in the future, do the park date! As for this guy, he may be a lost cause, but if he comes back I’d arrange a park date ASAP so you can at least meet and see if there’s chemistry.
Newbie
When you are looking for a relationship i think sexting without ever seeing this guy before is a horrible idea. He will view you as a cheap way to get off im afraid. And im not saying this to slutshame at all as im all for going at it when youre looking for casual. So to me its not strange he lost his interest already. Got you of your pants without even having to pay for a date.
So i would find other ways to stay interesting (with other guys), like not be available for texting all the time, be busy and happy with your life. Make a guy want to meet you asap. And this never ending lockdowns are knocking the joy out of all of us. But in a few months it will get better and you can date face to face again. Just date texting for women is only for the cold hearted as its to easy to form a bond with a guy when the guy is not even close to form a bond. See you in spring and knock yourself outTallspicy
Why are you sexting with a man you have not met and have no actual commitment to? It is clear you are unable to do that without having feelings. Why are you having miscommunication with a man you barely know? What types of miscommunication?
This all sounds like a lot of over investment on your end. That is going to end in working too hard and hurt feelings. Honestly, you should not be doing anything at this point that is not just responding and certainly nothing more than flirting unless you can handle him disappearing.
Raven
Your pen-pal needs space?!
Liz Lemon
Yikes, I skimmed over the sexting thing….I agree with Newbie 100%. It’s a very, very bad idea to start sexting with a guy you’ve never met, if you want a relationship. He’s not going to see you as girlfriend material if you immediately get sexual (before even meeting in person?!), he’ll see you as a cheap thrill or way to get off, exactly like Newbie said.
And Tallspicy is right too, you seem to be in really deep with a guy you don’t know and have never met. I’d suggest letting this one go, and moving forward, follow the advice in this thread– don’t get sexual, don’t over-invest and over-text with a stranger, and meet as soon as possible, even if it’s just a walk in the park.
Lucie
Hi all,
Thank you for your advice and really appreciate it, will probably chalk this up to experience as I have been in LTR for most of my adult life (I’m 30 now) so the online dating sphere is totally alien to me.
However, on the note of meeting quicker, I totally agree but a lot of the people I meet are quite worried about Covid as they live with elderly relatives and so therefore don’t necessarily feel comfortable with meeting at the moment because of the risk to their families.
In that type of situation, how do you then keep things going if texting and calls are the only avenues they are comfortable to use?
Lucie
And just to clarify by sexting, I meant talking rather than photos – not sure that makes a difference to a guy but definitely makes a difference to me!
Newbie
I really wouldnt date atm if there is no change at meeting. And its for exactly the reason you are questioning his level of interest and trying to regain it. Women can bond over texting (and sexting) when guys really dont. So only when you realIze it means nothing until you date face to face and dont overinvest, its sort of ok. But i still wouldnt. A few months not dating until the world gets more covid free wouldnt kill you. And prevents you from overinvesting and getting high on texts.
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