Tired of finding a life partner but feel I'm missing out on true love

This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 2 months ago by Honesty Rocks.

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May 8, 2022 at 5:39 am #933255 Reply

Fiona

Hi all,

I’m 40 and I’ve come to a point now that I just can’t be bothered to be in a relationship with anyone anymore

I was in a 15 year relationship that ended badly. I started dating other guys, including online, but I just cant be bothered to communicate my needs anymore, I can’t be bothered to argue and finding out what he wants anymore.

Sometimes the relationship is good but the sex is bad or vice versa.

I do ask what he wants earlier in the relationship, if he says he wants a relationship I find out he’s only after sex and I get friend zoned. That’s just one reason.

Sometimes I feel like I want kids, other times, I feel like they’re too much hard work, but I feel so broody at the same time.

I’ve never been given a lot of attention in childhood, my ex was the one that gave me that. He understood me.

Does anyone else feel they’re missing out on family and relationships but just can’t be bothered with lows of being in a relationship?

May 8, 2022 at 5:41 am #933256 Reply

Fiona

I just wanna add, cos of the lack of attention I got as a child, I feel like having a life partner children will fill that void I didn’t get in childhood.

I know having a partner and children to fill a void is not the answer, so I rather be single for the rest of my life, but I was also lonely when I was with my ex and my family. I just don’t know how to love myself.

May 8, 2022 at 9:34 am #933261 Reply
Eric Charles
Keymaster
Let’s say you decided for the rest of your life you would no longer pursue having a relationship with a man.

As a thought experiment, let’s say you chose that and chose it 100% for yourself.

You chose no children, no dating, no flirting, no romantic interaction, no sex.

You chose that and so it’s decided and off the table for you.

Let’s really play this through because I think there’s value in considering it.

How would you live? What would your life be like?
What would you do with your days?
How would you spend your time? Would you have hobbies?
Would you have goals and meaningful pursuits?

Now, in this life you can have friends and you can have as much social interaction as you want. Just no dating/romance/commitment/sex.

Tell me about that life.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Eric Charles.
October 20, 2022 at 3:20 pm #939058 Reply

Fiona

Hi Eric..

I’ve forgotten about this post…

So my life would be happy if I had no sex no relationships no commitment.

I’ve lived alone for quite a while now and afraid that if something happens to me when I’m alone e.g. sick there’d be no one there. That’s how I’d feel…

October 20, 2022 at 4:19 pm #939059 Reply

Honesty Rocks

Its your life you dont have to date or marry or have kids if you dont want to. Its up to you. Its also up to you if you want to change your mind. Its fine to think this for now and then dip your toe back in. I would just try to live a really good life do things like travel, eat out, socialise, have hobbies you enjoy and a job that fulfils you, do what makes you happy.
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