To Eric Charles on his post Are Your Friendships Ruining Your Love Life?

Eric Charles,

Quite frankly, this article infuriates me! Mostly b/c you are making one out to feel ashamed and guilty for being unhappy and those are DANGEROUS lines to cross. I typically have no desire to respond to emails like this (who knows if anyone is reading) but I couldn’t let this one go.

Single = broke and relationship = winning. Throughout this entire article you basically bolded the most offensive lines. Are you kidding? I personally am in a relationship but for many years I was single. I heavily relied on my friends to support, listen, accept and help me be better. Being able to turn to a friend (whether single or not) to help heal my soul after a horrible breakup is *not* complaining! It is part of the process of healing and having someone there to be a sounding board helped me get through really tough times. And hey, at times, I WAS situationally depressed and exhausted because dating in SF and on the dating apps can be exhausting and lonely and saddening. It was totally THERAPEUTIC and HEALTHY and OKAY to ‘talk crap’ about the man who was responsible for breaking my heart.

I agree that my happiness is a direct result from my own sense of agency. I agree that in order to have a healthy relationship you need to have high self worth and self confidence and be generally happy with yourself and your life. I agree that you should surround yourself with positive people…. But I DON’T agree with how you worded and positioned this article. It is offensive. You are belittling the emotions and hurt and all around exhaustion that results from trying to date and you are belittling the POWER that results from having a strong network of friends to be there for you and be your sounding board. You are belittling the fact that it is OKAY to be unhappy about a failed relationship and it is OKAY to talk it out with your friends. Most importantly, you are belittling all women who now feel like they CAN NOT SPEAK UP or ‘complain’ or ‘whine’ as you like to call it… when a man hurts their hearts.

Also, single friends are the BEST kinds of friends to surround yourself when you are searching for a partner. My single friends and I would go out to the bars together to meet men, we would constantly give each other pep talks, advice, etc. etc. between each date. We would attend singles events together. They were far more valuable to me while I was single than my married friends with different goals and different understanding of the dating scene.

I will state it again. It is OKAY to feel unhappy about a failed relationship(s) and it is OKAY to talk it out with your friends. I truly HOPE that you didn’t make too many girls feel awful about the fact that they are currently in a sad or disappointed state of mind due to the complex nature of dating. I hope that you didn’t ruin any friendships. I hope these girls and women still know that they can speak about their hurt without feeling victimized.

Peace be with you!!