Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › To let go or to hold on?
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Melissa
In a very complicated situation and cannot get enough advice. I meet a guy on Hinge in november. It was my first time since breaking up with my ex, the break up was very hard on me. But i was ready to get over him and trying to date other people. Me and the guy texted a lot in the beginning and he showed so much interest. We went on our first date and it was really good. A perfect first date in many ways. However i did not initially see it going anywhere serious because he came to work in California for only a short amount of time. But he was so nice and i liked the vibes and it helped me a lot with trying to forget my ex who of course still was in my heart. But it felt good to talk to someone else who showed so much interest. Since i didn’t think it would go anywhere i thought i could just have some short term fun with him. So we started seeing each other more and more. But at some point he stopped texting me as much. I got a bit worried but realized that he is just not a texting person. He promised me he was not texting anyone else. I started getting real feelings for him and so i talked with him about it and we then decided to end things because he was scared of getting hurt and hurting me once he eventually has to leave. I was ready to put things away but i missed him and so i reached out to him again and we started talking again and met up too and when we are together it feels amazing. He is always talking about things we can do together. But when we are not spending time together he is distant and doesn’t reach out. I am the only one initiating. Should i just stop now and get over him?
During the time i was seeing the new guy my ex has been trying to reach me and i ignored him a lot even though it was hard. But i started talking to him again and we are talking about working things out and the future too. I am so torn because I love my ex but there were so many reasons not to be together. At the same time i also really like the new guy but he is not putting in effort anymore and i don’t know if he is trying to distant himself because he is scared or because lost interest. I know my self-worth and i should deal with a guy who doesn’t want to put effort into me but how to i just go? At the same time it is too early for me to commit to my ex.
Ewa
well this other guy told you that he isn’t seeing this going anywhere, you reached out again so naturally if he is getting something out of it (sex) he will be seeing you, but he knows he doesn’t need to put any effort into communicating with you because you will meet him no matter what.
that is not saying you do not respect yourself as we all have needs etc but if you are looking for something serious he is not your guy.
regarding your ex – if you see there are reasons for not going back to him then please stop contacting him and move on. please do not look for a reason what if, you have tried and it didn’t work out, no point going back unless it was that good, but if it was then you’d still be together.Lane
My advice to you is to stay away from men for awhile. Take a break, learn how to live and have fun as a single person for awhile. Being single can be a blast where you can do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want without worry about anyone but yourself!
Only until you have no feelings for your ex should you try to date again. Give your heart and mind a much needed break :o)
Newbie
Do you really know your selfworth? And if so, how would you describe it? Because all i see is a woman who gets hung up on two days that are not emotionally available for various reasons. So im really curious how you see yourself selfworth wise (i would not bring up a term like that myself as i consider it selfhelp bs, but you did).
I think you are doing yourself a big disservice with juggling both men. About the ex: if there are too many reasons not being able to be together, it best not to be together. And say goodbye until maybe later circumstances change. You describe its still impossible so no essential circumstances change. Big hurdles usually means not compatible instead of the road to true love.
New guy: only been a hook up so far, when things got more real he was afraid he would get hurt (i mean really? What hurt would he get? Cant you spot bs when its staring you in the face)
So to sum it up, they are both not good candidates and the question becomes: are you emotionally unavailable yourself as you seem to have a habit to pin yourself on missions impossible? Thats what i would change here -
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