Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › To reach out or not?
- This topic has 16 replies and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Raquel
Dating a guy over a month, things were going really well and our last date was amazing – went on a day trip and I also met some of his close friends. Up until last weekend we had been going on dates every weekend. We couldn’t meet last weekend because I was out of town, so before I left, I told him I’d like to see him the next week, and let me know when he is available. He said sure, I’ll let you know. I haven’t heard a peep since then. If he doesn’t reach out before the weekend, should I send him a message to check in? Prior to this he has been good about asking me out with advance notice – like Monday or Tuesday for the weekend so I’m confused about the lack of contact.
Ewa
He should be the one asking you not the other way around.
Consider him gone , I wouldn’t reach outLiz Lemon
How often do you and this guy have contact? He hasn’t texted you since before last weekend? He didn’t text to ask how your trip was, or anything like that?
I wouldn’t reach out. He knows how to contact you. The only way you can gauge his interest is by letting him contact you, at this point. If you reach out first, you don’t know if he’s just replying to be polite. You shouldn’t have to remind a guy of your existence.
Just sit back and see if he reaches out. It’s hard, I know!
Raquel
We don’t really text unless it’s to set up a date. Normally we’d just meet up and catch up about our week in person.
So just never reach out? Is it possible he wants me to initiate this time around and is waiting for that?Maddie
Did he know when you were getting back from traveling? If so, it sounds like you already told him you wanted to see him again and gave him a time frame. If he needs you to encourage him to further reach out and is “waiting around,” then he’s either tepid in his interest or an insecure person. Neither is worth investing your energy.
Raquel
He knew I’d be back end of the weekend. Things were going so well, I can only wonder why the change. Guess it’s a fade-away?
Ewa
sounds like it, but it is also possible he was/is dating others. Please don’t assume that he is waiting for you to text him, guys don’t do that, they don’t overthink. If he wanted to contact you/see you, he would.
It is possible that he will reply when you reach out but I don’t think he will want to meet up again.Liz Lemon
You said you were dating a month, how many dates did you actually have? 4, 5?
Ewa is right that he may be dating other women. Unfortunately it happens, sometimes you have several nice dates with a guy and then he fades out.
And guys definitely don’t play games when they want a woman– I’m sure he’s not sitting at home waiting for you to contact him. He’d reach out if he wanted to.
Raquel
We had gone on about 6 dates. More than I have with others, felt a strong connection, he had mentioned some events he wanted to go to with me in the upcoming future. Any point in sending him a message asking if he’s still interested in continuing to see me? I prefer direct communication and closure.
ShannonT
If you have to ask if he’s still interested… you already have your answer. And that’s your closure.
Women posting here lately get way too excited and too far ahead of a guy. A handful of dates that go well and y’all think it’s going somewhere serious. Too soon to even think about that and also you aren’t even exclusive, he has every right to still be seeing other women and you should still be seeing other men. Just because a man throws out a little future talk doesn’t mean he’s all in yet. If you read this site, the 3-4 month mark is where a guy makes up his mind if he wants to continue and a lot of the time he doesn’t and women get so hurt, disappointed, etc. Women need to learn to enjoy themselves on dates and enjoy the process of getting to know a man while observing him over time to see if he’s up to scratch by her standards, and that takes him. But no, so many women here are all in between dates 3-6 and it’s just too soon.
Liz Lemon
Shannon is totally right…
…but, regarding direct communication and closure. Closure is something you give yourself. And direct communication– while it would be nice, it’s really hard to tell someone you’ve had several dates with that you don’t want to see them again. So many times people (men and women) just fade out. It’s an incredibly awkward conversation and this guy probably just doesn’t want to go there. I’m not saying it’s right, it’s just how it is.
Another point — not to be blunt or hurtful, but just because you felt a strong connection doesn’t mean the guy did. That’s not to say he didn’t enjoy hanging out with you– but if the connection was strong for him, he’d be calling, texting (asking you about your weekend out of town would be a perfect pretext to get in touch– but he didn’t), and arranging other dates. Not radio silence.
Ewa
I will also add from my experience, men who don’t give you a direct answer are usually the ones who like to keep their options open . He might pop back when it doesn’t work out with others.
Like Liz said he didn’t even ask you about your weekend, chances are he used you being away as an opportunity to go out with someone else .
Talking about the future, men say what they feel in that moment . I dated someone who started making summer plans with me and then broke up with me in March…Raquel
All good points. I’m newer to dating, figuring things out and this is my first time experiencing no direct communication personally. If I don’t see things continuing with someone I have no trouble letting them know- a simple hey it’s been fun but don’t see this continuing, best wishes. It’s been well received and I have also appreciated hearing that. But you’re right, obviously not everyone is capable of that.
True about the connection, I think I was placing too much meaning on certain signs because of how I operate; introducing close friends, taking a day trip, bringing up future plans. I don’t do those unless I see a future but of course that’s just me. Learning to remove my biases.
Anyways this guy is deleted.ShannonT
Men think and act a lot differently women do. Read John Gray’s Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars.
Mary
Heck no, don’t reach out. Let him chase
Tammy
Who set up all those prior 6 dates? Was it both or just him? My view differs a little here. If he has made all attempts to set up all prior meetings, maybe this one time since you were the one who was out of town for last wknd, maybe he is expecting you to get in touch?i dont think its that big a deal for you to reach out if he has been only one doing that in the past.
Also another thing. If a guy is intrstd, he normally makes it a point to interact regularly, vide calls and chats, and not just to set up meetings. Thats a concern.
Liz Lemon
“If a guy is intrstd, he normally makes it a point to interact regularly, vide calls and chats, and not just to set up meetings. Thats a concern.”
Agree 100%. Never texting you to check in, say hi, see what you’re up to, is strange to me after 6 weeks of dating. I’m not saying he has to text or call constantly, but never sending a flirty/funny text or meme (or whatever) in 6 weeks? That’s not the behavior of a guy who’s strongly interested in a woman, in my opinion.
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