To those who have ghosted or been ghosted after months?

I was ghosted after 7 months of serious dating. One day he just walked out and disappeared. I texted him and suggested to talk about what’s going on but he didn’t respond. 2 months later on my birthday he texted me a lengthy message wishing me and saying cutesy things pretending as though things were just the same. I told him not to reach out to me and he couldn’t understand why I was bitter about my experience with him… unfortunately, there are all sorts of people out there.

” I told him not to reach out to me and he couldn’t understand why I was bitter about my experience with him… ”

Yeah, ghosts are the worst when they pop back up and can’t fathom why you might be a wee bit upset AND leery after they disappear out of nowhere. I’ve never had a longer term relationship ghost, but a few shorter ones. It’s a cowards way out.

I did ask a guy why he did it, and he told me he was getting to close and falling in love and could not be in a relationship. I asked him why he couldn’t just tell me “Hey, this is to serious, I don’t want to be in a relationship”. He didn’t want to hurt me, so apparently disappearing was a nicer tactic. He was surprised that I worried about him for awhile and was upset.

That’s what guys do these days with casual relationships. I actually had two guys “break up” with me and I felt compelled to thank both of them. The funny thing is I was relieved in both cases and both are still friends. There was a small amount of hurt on my end, but NOTHING compared to being ghosted.

This happened a few years ago and in hindsight I am happy he is no longer in my life. But here is how it played out –

A week or 2 prior to his ghosting he had a lot of mood swings so I could tell he was not himself. On the day just before he disappeared, we had a fun day doing various activities. Then we went home and made out after which we got ready to go for his best friend’s party. I was happy because it was one of our more fun days. At the party, everyone was playing games but he was acting a little strange and evensaying some really bizarre things about his friend’s wife to a point his friend reprimanded him. At around 1am, I was getting sleepy so he told me to sleep in one of the rooms which I did because he wanted to play more. I fell off asleep without eating much. He woke me up at 4am to go home. In the car I told him I was starving and I ordered food using my online delivery food account. He got MAD at me for ordering food that late and yelled at me because I didn’t eat at his friend’s place (ridiculous!). He angrily slept over and next morning he left saying he will message me. That was it. He didn’t respond to my text asking about his disappearance… ever.

2 months later he reached out on my birthday acting all normal. I told him not to reach out. Then again he did 3 months later. I had moved on and told him to leave me alone. A year later he reached out again.

Apparently, he was not over his ex with whom he called it off 1.5 years before he met me. He was miserable and confused and projected his insecurities on to me. Thank goodness he is out of my life.

I’ve realized if a person ghosts you, it’s their inner issues acting up and has got nothing to do with us and it’s way better to not be with someone so impulsive and irrational. In a way now I thank him for showing me his true colors by ghosting me else I could have been stuck with an insecure person. A sincere, well meaning and mature man would not ghost.

Sorry to hijak the thread, but if someone ignored your last text that warranted a response and you wanted to stop seeing each other (have been seeing each other for several months casually), would you send a text saying you are no longer interested?

Don’t make the same mistake that I did. I let the idiot back in after he ghosted, and he hasn’t stepped up once. Now that I met someone else however, I’m washing my hands of the ghost.

This guy ghosted me and it REALLY got to me. I was seeing this guy a few summers ago. Unbeknownst to him, I called him Neville Longbottom because he looked like Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter lol. After our first date he would call me every single night while he was out at the bars. Begging to see me and begging to meet up. I was def not getting up at 2am for some guy. One night I invited him over for an adult sleepover. It was interrupted because he had an emergency at home. I thought a family member had died, so I told him to take the call. His parents begged him to come home because their basement was flooding *eye roll* he ended up leaving. Didn’t hear from him for a week. Then he sent me a blank snapchat and then deletes from snapchat. I called him out for ghosting. And he goes yea….I’ve been talking to my ex lately and we decided to work things out. WTF?!

1 year later….my friend and I are getting ready to go out. And I have this feeling, deep in my bones, deep in my soul that I would run into an ex, a guy I was seeing, or an adversary. We’re at this bar and I look over…and there’s Neville Longbottom. I jokingly came up to him and said oh hey didn’t we date!? And he blew me off. Minutes later he comes back groveling saying that I look good and that I got a new job. He then tells me to text him. I looked dead in his eyes and said, “Oh I don’t have your number, I deleted it because I don’t text guys who have girlfriends.” The look on his face was PRICELESS.

Last night I had an earth shattering dream about him….he could possiblly resurface…

I guess it depends what you call casual dating? I had a FWB I was seeing for about 6 months. We went on dates 1-2 times a week and were exclusive but he wasn’t a boyfriend. (I’m in the UK and we either have boyfriends or FWBs, so I guess this would be classed as casual dating in the US?)

One day, I called him and he was cold and distant on the phone. I had no idea why. After that call, I never heard from him.

About a year later, I found out that the FWB had heard a rumour I was sleeping with his friend. The friend asked me to contact him and explain that wasn’t what had happened, so I did and we started seeing each other again.

The thing is, it was casual. I wasn’t in love with him and his ghosting didn’t really bother me. I wouldn’t have accepted a casual dating/FWB situation from a guy I was really into for 6 months. You’re just asking to be hurt if you let yourself get attached to people you’re just casual with.

I also thought one of the benefits of casual was you can just walk away at any time without any kind of break-up. Obviously it’s courteous for the other person to say they want to stop and not just ignore you though!

Obviously it’s totally different if it’s a boyfriend and you have a commitment.

in that case, Ola, you’re no better than him. and regardless of how poorly you think he treated you, your words show that it’s you who’s the abuser. basic respect is something that everyone deserves. blaming what you did on him is nothing more but a justification, an excuse for a horrible thing that you did. the only case that justifies ghosting is when you deal with an abuser, a stalker when you’re literally in danger and have to protect yourself (and not, like in your case it sounds, when someone was just not that into you). funny thing, regardless of how light you are trying to sound, you can hear bitterness in between the lines. if depriving yourself of closure will leave you with that bitterness for a while, then I’m not sure if it was such a great deal.

If someone treats you badly, you can still say ‘we’ re done’ then block them from all sm. Unless you need to go t a safe house, I don’t see how ghosting is ever needed.

I’m not judging, I just don’t see how just texting ‘it’s over’ then cut all the ties would make such a difference? It’s a small thing to do.

I had a nightmare ex and simply texted him “don’t ever contact me again”, then totally ignored him. Even when I saw him in person.

Ola, you’re ending it for you, not him. He’s unlikely to see the error of his ways if you ghost or if you don’t. Especially as he never invested time in you in the first place. To me, that definitely says he wasn’t that into you I’m afraid.

But ghosting keeps someone as an option. Instead of ending it, you’re leaving things open for him to beg you to come back. It sounds like that may be what you’re hoping for deep down.

If you’re done, tell him you’re done. It will help you move on because he’ll leave you alone. At the moment you’re numb, then you’re likely to feel pain when the anger dies down. Cut him off now permanently. Don’t give yourself the option of changing your mind.

I dated a guy that I knew from high school on and off through college. We broke up my senior year and went separate ways. Then, we rekindled and began dating seriously in my late twenties with talks of me moving to be closer to him. One Friday, we had plans to get dinner and a movie. I texted to ask what time he would be ready for dinner and I never heard back. I was worried, until I saw on social media that he was out with friends. The whole weekend went by and I never heard from him. 8 months later he texted that he was thinking of me and that he never meant for us to stop talking. I shared my feelings and he had complete disregard and lack of understanding for why I would have been upset. He said “he just didn’t’ want to be in a relationship anymore”. He could not seem to understand that what upset me most was his ghosting. I deserved a conversation and proper breakup. To this day, he will occasionally text. I ignore

I agree with ola that some men are too selfish to give of themselves.. Not just with you, but anyone!

I can’t say that a man just isn’t into you if he doesn’t invest of himself.. Some are self centered and don’t invest that much in anyone..

Some times it’s not personal.. They’re just selfish SOB’s..