To those who have ghosted or been ghosted after months?

I just don’t see how ‘I ghosted on him because he deserved it’ is different from ‘I hit him because he deserved it’ or ‘I raped her because she deserved it’. No one deserves such things and doing them is on people who do them, not on people on the receiving end. In any case, if I were him I would think good riddance. The only lesson that I would learn would be to pcik up people more wisely in the future and not get involved with someone who has no courtesy or morals. Which is exactly what we say on this site to women who suffer because they’ve been ghosted on.

I think ghosting can be very emotionally abusive. It took me a long time to get past being ghosted by a man who I had a very strong connection with. A lot of it manifests itself into future relationships; ie, I tend to panic if I don’t hear back from a guy within a standard time frame. Prior to being ghosted? It never really occurred to me to worry about not hearing back about plans promptly. It’s also making a person hold a space for you until they come to the conclusion that they’ve been ghosted. First 24 hours? Maybe you are busy. Couple of days? Panic that you may be sick, hurt or worse. Maybe it takes them a week of worrying to write you off. Even if you are ghosted before a “real” relationship is formed, after 2-3 dates, it’s obvious that someone at least minimally likes you on some level and that you aren’t an after-thought.

Id it rape or physical abuse? No. But it’s certainly not a healthy thing to do to another person. It’s like a worse form of rejection- one where they couldn’t be bothered to tell you they were rejecting you.

My Boyfriend of three years ghosted me a month ago. No rhyme no reason. And the week before the ghosting we see happy and talking about buying a house together. I was hurt and lost.

I sent him a long text about how much he hurt me with no response.

Good riddance to that insecure losers.

It’s one thing in abusive/toxic relationships. The majority of people hurt by ghosting are those who didn’t see it coming, either in good relationships or dating someone they were getting along with/treating well.

I think men in particular ghost because they are simply afraid of what they might have to hear if you break it off. My advice to them is to send the last message, make sure they see it, then cut off contact. Don’t let your last message be “hey baby can’t wait to see u again”….

At the end of the day, we all have a choice in what we do with what we know-and how we react.

@Melissa, if someone I was with for 3 years (or even a 6 month) committed exclusive relationship ghosted me for no apparent reason (there was no argument, abuse or extenuating circumstance prior) I would be done.

As in completely.

Not that it wouldn’t hurt. It would, but it makes it so much easier to get over someone who shows you in word and deed how unworthy of you they are. It doesn’t seem that way at the time, but in retrospect it is a blessing in disguise.

There is a message in the way someone treats us. You just have to be willing to listen and pay attention.

The message of someone who is abusive, toxic, inconsiderate, cowardly, rude, and thoughtless? Waste of your time, and unworthy of your tears.

Those messages offer the best lessons when you find the maturity to learn from it.

Also, we all have a choice in what we accept. I would not tolerate months of inconsiderate or abusive behavior.

Maybe another lesson is learning when to walk away immediately from these types. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way. But I’m glad I learned it. It’s made my life since those tough lessons so much easier.

Hei Anon, thanks for sharing. I can’t imagine what you went through. Let me ask whether you had any gut feeling about what’s coming with that guy. I have a hard time understanding the person (presumably, human being) that would do that to a partner.

thank you to everyone who has posted, just been ghosted by a guy i was seeing for 6 months, he had exams and so i made a lot of excuses for his poor behaviour but once the exams were done it got even worse. Annoyed at myself for putting up with it for so long. The signs were all there! But take comfort in the fact that i’m not the only one and therefore it’s not about me it’s about him. He’s the loser. He could have just ended it but he didn’t he choose this. Like someone said before when you meet the right person you’ll be glad he ghosted you. problem is I thought he was the right person. Fingers and toes crossed I meet this ‘right one’ soon!!!

To me, ghosting is a dreadful insult. It’s a way of telling someone that whatever was between you, it wasn’t even important enough to the ghoster to acknowledge it or its end. That whoever got ghosted was so insignificant and disposable, they didn’t even deserve a goodbye.

I personally wouldn’t ghost a guy for any reason other than abuse. I ran into a few jerks while dating, one of which went so far as to tell me I “failed” because I didn’t get intimate with him on our second date – I gave him a scathing reply that if all he wanted was women who put out, he needed to go find a brothel and stop wasting my time (I’d made it clear on my profile that I wasn’t in a hurry to get physical).

I felt better telling him off and giving him a piece of my mind than I would’ve if I’d said nothing; I think letting him know his comment angered me was my way of telling him that I valued myself and if he didn’t, he could pound sand.

Ghosting is cowardly, insulting, and not something I’d ever resort to unless contacting the person would put me in actual danger. I’d want to know why something stalled out or ended, so I tend to give others the same answers I’d want myself. The Golden Rule and all that, I suppose.

So I met this guy back in August at my bestfriends engagement party. We hit it off and a couple of us went out to a couple of bars had a good time went home with him . I wasnt expecting it to go anywhere.long story short he contacted me to catch up ,and thats all it was nothing intimate then we started talking more and more and started seeing each other for 3 months i thought it was going well then boom out of nowhere he just stopped talking to me i asked him if it was me and had i done something nothing no reply i even said if you dont want to talk to me just say still 0

I was just ghosted after a 7 month whirl wind relationship. We are both in our 40’s. We we’re planning on moving in together within the next month or two because I live 2 hours away and could also devote time to learning his business and work there with him as well. I was willing to completely start a new life with this man. He was wonderful to me. Wrote me poety, complimented me all the time, opened doors. But I slowly began to notice this self proclamed millionaire was having me pay every time we went out. And I make far less than him. I have savings from my divorce settlement, but I could never live off of that! I and was beginning to wonder if he needed me to take care of him financialy. Even though I would only go there on average a few days a week, he actually allowed me to pay for his groceries several times and would talk about how he had all these deals that were going to close….soon. I started to have serious doubts this man is who he presented himself to be when we met. I know business owners and I am one….things were not adding up. I decided I would need to have a talk about how we was doing financialy as we were planning on sharing a life. I started pulling back and not offering to pay for things as often and it seemed ok with him. We still went out on occasion, although less. Because I genuinely liked him, I wanted to help him anyway I could and was prepared to loan him money or whatever he needed. I loved him, met his family, his grown kids, his daughter who he has shared custody with and even his ex wife! We literally talked about when I was planning on moving there and how he hoped it would be soon….and about 3 hours later, around midnight, he texted me that he never wanted to see me and was blocking me and told me to pick up all my belongings. He said he threw them in trash bags in his front yard. He knew I live 2 hours away and it was a work day. Luckily I have a very good friend who was kind enough to pick everything up! This man went from being my best friend, someone I loved deeply and would do anything for, to someone who didnt have the courtesy to tell me why he was doing this! I literally did NOTHING to this man. Mutual friends we have said he refuses to talk about it. I am left wondering if there is someone else or if there was a misunderstanding. I tried texting to no avail. It has now been a week and I feel completely devastated. I am successful, consider myself to be intelligent and have good self esteem, I’m in good shape and have been told, by many that I am pretty. I never thought he would do anything like this. He always said he was my best friend! I’m so sad right now,. But I’m grateful I found out now, before I moved. I just don’t have closure and that hurts.

Kerry
The man didn’t ghost you. He sent a message and broke up with me you.
I think you know the problem here. He isn’t who he said he was. When you pulled back financially he realized his game was up and he needed to get out. He sounds like a conman. He even conned you into wanting to loan him money! Sounds like you should open your eyes and see this for what it was. Did you bring up the money talk prior to him doing this?

I started seeing someone who was separated, who as it happened was WAY more into me than I him, something he was aware of.His own friends were telling me they’d never seen him so happy etc etc. We’d been going out about 5 weeks when I was due to go on holiday the next day and he insisted on taking me to the airport. He was always offering lifts wherever I was going, giving me the distinct impression he didn’t like it when other (male) friends offered to take me.

Next day came and he never showed up! At the last minute I managed to get a cab to the airport, nearly an hour away. I was livid. The few texts I sent were ignored. Even though I wasn’t that into him, what he did really did sting, it was so unexpected. So I can only imagine how someone in love would feel when they’re ghosted. Must be truly awful. So it was easy for me to put it all behind me and forget about him completely.

About a year later, I got a missed call on my way to work. It was HIM. He’d left a VM. He sounded agitated and listening to the message it sounded as if he’d got back with his wife (I suspected later, he’d probably never’fully’ left in the first place and she found out about me which triggered the ghosting) and she’d thrown him out so he wanted somewhere to stay!!! It was obvious he’d forgotten how he’d been less than honest with me first time. Obviously, I ignored the message but that evening he turned up on my doorstep, literally pleading (awfully unattractive) with me to take him back. Incredible! The way he thought he could take up where he left off. Of course, I told him where to do…I had NO interest whatsoever in this guy and even if I had any feelings the answer would have been the same!

Hi guys

Some advice needed.
I was in a fantastic relationship with a guy for the past 4 months. One of the best relationships I’ve ever been in. I knew from quite early on he had some emotional issues. He would cry a lot when drunk but couldn’t speak when sober. Would avoid serious conversations by using jokes etc. But he was so attentive and loving I’d never had someone so kind and loving. He made me feel amazing and I really felt this was the one.
We were planning on moving in together next year and things were going amazing.
Until approx 2-3 weeks ago he began to be blunt with me and avoid me. The lovely text messages became less and less and when I was in his company it just felt strained like he couldn’t be bothered. He finished it a couple times but then came back very upset saying he regretted it and couldn’t loose me. So I tried as much as I could because I understood he was struggling emotionally. But things didn’t get better. He didn’t understand that breaking up and ignoring me for days wasn’t ok and how much it hurt. He didn’t take any responsibility at all and turned it round on me.
It’s now been over a week and I’ve heard nothing from him. I’m so hurt confused and embarrassed as to how someone who used to say and do the most amazing things can just cut me off like this? My brain says he just must not have been that into me but the thought of this is soul destroying. I have no answers or reasons and I’m torturing myself over it. I can’t seem to get it off my mind. It’s 100% over as I could never look at him the same way after putting me through this even if he did make an effort to try fix things. He replies if I text him but I’ve given up trying to get answers or fixing the relationship as he does the same thing the next again day or week. Just completely ghosts me until I reach out again and again.