Trying to stay sane – giving him space after a fight

It sounds like both of you need to take a time out and find ways to fill your time in-between so your not together so much. We all need breaks and if one of you is feeling off, the best thing to do is give yourselves some breathing room until it passes.

Just learn a lesson from this experience and try to not allow emotions to take control because once you say things in the heat of the moment, you can never take them back. Men do keep score and can be white elephants…they may get over it but they don’t always forget. Do NOT talk about as men don’t want to keep re-living it as it will push him further.

Let it go, be upbeat, and take a time out if he gets in one of those moods.

Thanks Lane. I think you’re right. I’m typing here instead of texting him. Giving him room is very hard when I just want it all to be ok! I’m a bit scared of conflict and I know that’s my issue. We’re both in our 40s, and you’d think I’d have it figured out by now! Your words are appreciated x

I know it is hard Jen but just wait for him to come around. You have both apologized already so he will. And how lucky you are to have a guy who wants to cuddle! Why didn’t you just fall asleep in his arms?

Jen, I think you are not allowing yourself to face the truth. We don’t just throw a fit and yell mean things at our man because we were exhausted. We can be annoyed and say I am tired let me rest I need to sleep, but not throw a fit.

There is something deeper here, something that made you lose your cool and attack him.

I think you need to address the underlying issues, do you feel neglected by him? appreciated enough? does he do enough work around the house or are you the only one doing chores?

If there is *really* nothing fishy going on and you really just threw a fit, then yes you need to learn to control yourself, in your age especially. LOL

Men do keep score, and a very close one, and so should we women. LOL. He if is being selfish, do not hold it inside, confront him and tell him what you think.

I learned that being open and telling the truth to each other, before things become resentful, is what keeps you close as people. Sexual attraction fades in time, but trust and friendship remain.

My marriage is very unusual, but one thing we have many other people don’t is we are honest with each other. We do not hold things back, do not allow resentment to build up. We speak up and if one of us doesn’t (and it is usually not me haha, as I am a woman and we women don’t like to hold things inside), so if my HB holds things in and does not tell me right away he later acknowledges that he was wrong to do so, that he was risking our friendship, that this can ruin things, one little “hold” at a time. So we both take conscious care to speak up BEFORE getting annoyed or angry, before feeling resentful, before allowing hostile thoughts about each other.

It is one thing to be cranky and nag a little, it is another to throw fits. That’s why I am saying there are probably deeper reasons for how you felt. Address those reasons and make efforts not to reach this “place” anymore.

The most important thing you two can do for each other is to be respectful even if fighting.

If you would not say it to your boss do not say it to your loved one.

You do not want to be in that pit…and do not let your BF go there either….if he starts break off the conversation by saying you do not accept mudslinging.

Forgive yourself and move forward with better knowledge and learning. Fight fair, without pit time.

If you and your BF learn this it can really help.

Im in the same situation as you. In my case, my guy is at fault and we talked about it but this weekend (we usually spend the weekend) he told me he just want to be alone. He is not texting nor calling so im confused but hard as it is, this is the time to exercise our resistance muscle. Its super difficultbut im trying to convince myself that if he loves me enough, he will come back else his interest and commitment is low. But thats life is, all i can do is love myself and accept the things thats happened and accept the things that will be. Life is short. You are not alone!