Home › Forums › Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice › Trying to understand why I’m back and forth in my feelings…:/
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
Lane.
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Anonymous
My fiancé and I have been at a distance for quite sometime. We’ve actually had our ups and downs but ultimately we are good when we can see each other I think mainly because we can communicate better. I will say also I have an issue with his families (parents) involvement in our relationship. I told him it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Our reshoots be between he and I. Overall I’m apprehensive about moving out to be with him. I know it must be done soon for us to move forward with getting married. For some reason, each time I have a job offer I find myself over analyzing the position. I find a reasons it may not be such a good fit. The last job offer I had I declined due to the agency being inflexible with my start date, Dec 23rd. I mentioned it would be tough to move across country two days before Christmas. They were willing to budge and suggested me to use leave until I can start working in January; therefore, I declined. I just interviewed last week for a different agency and now I worried again. While I out to see my Fiancé next month, I plan to go out and visit Feb 14 where I will be potentially working to get a feel for things.
Anonymous
Is all of this just normal gitters or something more?
Anonymous
Correction: they weren’t willing to budge
kaye
It’s hard for us to know if this is normal jitters or something more with the little bit you have shared. You don’t say how long you dated, how long you’ve been engaged, whether this has always been an LDR or just exactly what type involvement his parents have to cause issues.
To me just being “good” when you see each other isn’t enough to base a relationship on. If there are communication issues and family issues those are always going to be there unless you do something proactive.
I can understand being nervous about uprooting your life, moving across country, starting a new job, all because you want to be with him. And it’s even harder if you are leaving behind friends and family and your comfort zone and moving to where he and his family are the only people you know. Especially when you already feel the family is too involved in your relationship.
I also don’t think anyone would be happy to move and start a new job 2 days before Christmas or have to use all their leave time up to do it. If I were you, I would probably take an extended vacation out to see him. Use some of your leave and see how you feel temporarily living with him for that time. Then as you leave to go home, imagine you are leaving him for good and will never saw him again, imagine your life without him. If you feel at all relieved you wouldn’t have to move, wouldn’t have to uproot your life, that is definitely a feeling to consider. But if you feel like you can’t live without him and can’t imagine never seeing him again then you will know your answer.
Better off single
Wanna trade lives?
I learned when you don’t worry and stress out, things seem to work out. When I stress and try to control the situation (total illusion btw) I wind up sabotaging a good thing. Go with the flow. If you are 100% sure you want to marry this man, stop sweating the small things.
The parents just want the best for their son so hop on board or break up. That will never change.
Lane
Because its natural to fear the unknown. You are essentially uprooting your life and leaving everything that is familiar to you in order to be with your fiance’. I truly understand what you are going through because I am in the same position. My SO moved across the country to be closer to me but I have been the one dragging my feet over the past year to move to the state we agreed on (its retirement friendly) because I have far more to lose than he did.
I knew that at some point I would need to make it or he was eventually going to get tired of the excuses and walk away. I just took that leap, put my successful business on the market and as soon as its sold, packing up and moving to him. Sometimes you just need to do it, and if it doesn’t work out, its OK at least you gave it a good shot and know that you will be fine either way because you are confident enough in yourself to tackle anything! :o)
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