Two dates and he ghosted. Was he looking for something serious?

I want to slap you and then hug you. You are a slow learner and you have no boundaries. Sorry to be that blunt – I couldn’t get through all of this because I was afraid it was going to end with you being sexually assaulted. This guy threw off red flag after red flag and you totally ignored your gut instincts telling you to get the hell away from him… and you kept signing up for more.

Tough talk – you should have never gone to his place and in the future if a guy asks you to do that right up front cut him off, it’s a bad sign. This guy only wanted sex. You’re lucky he didn’t force himself on you.

Oh honey. NO he was not looking for anything serious and he went away because thankfully you weren’t as easy as he thought you were going to be.

How old are you?? If you’re over 25 you need to get some serious safety advice for dating. And you need to value yourself. You don’t kiss and hug someone unless you want to. You don’t go to a guy’s house unless you’ve known him for a while and you want to.

Angels must have been watching out for you.
This guy acted like a sleaze and you dodged a bullet. Please continue working on your anxiety for your own wellbeing.
Life is about perspective and I hope you see how your perspective on what happened between you and this man undervalues you. Go back and read your post as if someone else wrote it. Maybe then you will be able to see. You are worth much more than you are giving yourself credit for.

Offf…from where to start. First of all, you did nothing wrong. You do you and whoever likes it will stick around. It’s just a guy so don’t get hang up on this. Okay few awkward dates I’ve been to tons of those and ended up with someone leaving cause they were getting bored. You are going out to observe this guy, get to know him and etc. I find it pathetic that although you expressed not feeling comfortable meeting at his place so early in dating process he insisted and tried to manipulate you to get there. He isn’t worth a sweat, let him fall into the abyss. Just a warning, I’ve been casually dating and meeting with guys from tinder for hook ups. This means I ended up at a random guy’s place and had sex (those are arranged and both sides have an understanding that we are meeting in a house to have sex). I take precautions, protection, and text my best friend my exact location as soon as I get there. I don’t prolong my visit and have battery on my phone at all times to make quick call if needed and taxi app downloaded with address saved each time so I get to leave immediately if I sense something that puts me off. You have your reasons to not want to do that and guys should be respecting this not pushing you. You got a lesson here cause frankly a lot of things can go wrong. To me nothing happened so far but these kind of hook ups can get pretty brutal, from guys becoming aggressive to others coming at my place using my shower and stuff without bringing even a drink out of courtesy. So you’re very collected and cautious and never settle this for any guy. If you say no it should mean at all times no and not “maybe”. I bet if you were a bit more flirty at his place he would touched you and pushed you to have sex even though you would probably not have felt comfortable. Now go live your life and next time a guy insists to meet at his place and you say no and they don’t respect it, refuse to go out with them. Your comfort and safety are more important than their arousal.

Thank you all so much for your replies. You are right, he insisted me to go to his place. The thing is, I think I ruined it the first date, because we were texting so good prior to the first date. He would send me voice messages telling me how he was doing, what he was doing, and he was genuinely interested in me. He would ask me a lot of questions about myself and he told me he was anxious to meet me, and I was really happy about that. And I feel like I blew it. Because not only I didn’t ask almost any questions because of my anxiety, I was also serious – according to him-. According to him I was distant, and I was looking at him like I was mad at him, even though I never meant that. I was trying to stay calm because of my anxiety. So I gave a really bad impression or the impression that I wasn’t interested in him. When in reality, I was. I was just cautious because of covid and I wanted to wait until the next date to hug and kiss, my mistake was not telling him that, and make him aware of that, so I seemed like I was uninterested. That’s why I’m guessing he stopped texting me, even though we went on the second date. After that the texts stopped. I feel like I disappointed him. But, well. This is just another lesson I learnt. I still feel pretty bad about this, but we’ll I learnt my lesson.

if your insistent on beating your self then well not many can do much. i dont thnk you read what all told you here. not a single person told you anything or that he stopped communicating bec of you or your anxiety issues. maybe you do have anxiety and suffer from lack of self esteem. but atleast read what people are telling you here. don’t be so quick to beat yrself. from what you wrote its obvious he was looking for sex right from the start. but when he realised that’s not gonna happen, he disappeared. don’t you understand? if you keep putting urself down, others will do. i thnk you need to talk to a professional who will help you sort out issues your feeling and facing. posting here is pointless bec you hvnt taken in one word that ladies hv posted.

But… your story is YOU ruined it. Darn phone.

Thank you for your responses. Of course I read all your replies, and I totally understand. I was sad because the guy told me he was ‘intense’ and that he is very affectionate, and I was cold to him. Not because I didn’t like him, but because I move at a different pace, and, of course, the anxiety I felt. He was very eager to get to know me, and he told me he didn’t want to text me because he didn’t want to seem intense – this was at the beggining, before seeing each other I think. He was very sweet, he even remembered when my birthday was. He seemed really excited to get to know me. And I pushed him away… with my ‘bad’ attitude. And according to him I was in a bad mood and very serious at the first date. I was in a bad mood because of the anxiety and I seemed uninterested. I didn’t even know what to ask him, guys. There were PLENTY of awkward silences, eternal silences. And I googled and people that go on awful first dates don’t last or they don’t continue seeing each other. I just wish I was a little bit more “normal” and act like a normal person on a date. But my nerves got the best of me.

I do think he wanted to have sex from the beginning, but I also felt like he really wanted to get to know me and maybe something serious could’ve come out of it. But he saw a silent, shy, serious, anxious ‘bad mood’ girl, and he moved on.

Either way, I recognize that on the second date he insisted me to go over to his house, which is a HUGE red flag. I wanted to go out, to a bar, and he still wanted me to go to his place. And days after that he invited me over, again. And I declined.

This is a part of the conversation we had at first, before seeing each other:

Him: If you want to / can, we can go grab some drinks!
Me: Of course! I think it’s a great idea.
Him: Great. If you want to, I invite you over to my place if you want to.
Me: Ahh, I thought we were going to grab some drinks.
Him: Yes! Of course. Let’s go grab some drinks, in the afternoon or at night. Whatever you want, I have no problem.

I started telling him I couldn’t go, so then he suggested we could go to a park. It was his idea. That’s the date where I acted anxious. But at the end of the date tho, he suggested me to go to his place, that was near the park. It’s cold AF outside so it was his excuse for me to go to his place, but I declined. Now that I see it, the guy only wanted me to end up at his place…

Lolololol, maybe my anxiety and bad mood on the first date were accurate. It was my intuition speaking to me. It’s good that we’re not talking anymore because I wasn’t an easy lay after all. And the guy was looking for that – even though he seemed genuinely interested.

Oh Kylie, you really need to date more (date, not have sex!). You need to read more about men and dating in general and you need to listen to Sabrina and Eric and what they are saying about these issues. The part of the conversation that you gave us…I don’t even know how he made you agree to responding let alone seeing him. It was obvious from the beginning that he was interested only in one thing (not to mention how boring he seems through his texts). You did nothing wrong, the way you acted had NOTHING to do with him disappearing, the only, but ONLY reason for him to invite you was sex.
And that is OK, as someone mentioned, if you want the same thing and only that thing. However, you seem young and inexperienced and with some anxiety issues you need to attend to…so, please trust me (and all of us), this guy is not worth anything, let alone so many words. I wish you all the best.

do you even realise what your doing? your still micro analysing the dates and keep putting yourslf down again for every little snippet you remember. he pushed you into kissing just like he pushed you to come to his house. and u allowed urslf to be pushed into what he wanted. sometimes conversations flow on dates and sometimes they do not. its not just upto one person but the chemistry between 2 people. there were awkward silences because he was also at a loss at to what he should be saying next. same as you. did he put himslf down for the fact that there were lot of silences? so why are you doing that? just think of things as a bad fit and move on. without being so negative of self. just remember, if you out yourslf down others will as well.

Hi Kylie,
I don’t want to sound like your mother, but I would be in that age category. First off, you should really have a girlfriend to tell all your new “guy dates” too just as a sounding board. You had all the right “flags” in your mind. Also, just so in case something happens, there is a trace (sorry I’m old school). Lots of things have changed since texting, it makes it easier to have a conversation and this doesn’t mean your “compatible”. In person, as you saw has a dynamic, a physical presence, conversation has to do with being comfortable. You need to date people in your own age group until you’re experience to know what can happen. Also, I would tell your friend that led him to you in social media that this is what happened. Guys, didn’t used to get away with dodgy stuff because “the talk” would ruin him in a social group.
As a standard, staying in public: such as a coffee shop, bar, restaurant keeps you in the public eye and “protected”. Someone’s personal home does really suggest intimacy and should only happen when you are ready. Otherwise say “NO” and walk away.
Take this all as a lesson learnt.

Good luck on the next one!