Two Week Break: No Contact

I think anger is a good feeling because now you realize how little respect he showed you. Take it one day at a time and read T her last post over and over. Its excellent advice on how to improve yourself

Hi Nichole-I was struck by you saying how much you love him. May I suggest that you more likely “love” the person you think he “really” is or the person that he “could be”..if…if…if… So really the guy he is right now,is not able to be an equal partner and make you happy/facilitate your happiness and his own. Falling in love with potential is a recipe for disaster. You know that if he/things do not change,this won’t work. Two weeks is not gong to do it… So I suggest (gently) tht you cut him loose and moa. He may “heal” and return but don’t hold your breathe for it. Hope this helps.

I think I have to take him at his word because I have no other choice with regards to whether he’ll be back or not.

Our relationship wasn’t the problem; he head a lot of things he needed to sort out and focus on that we’re independent of us, and I’m glad he has the sense to know what he needs. He was in a spot where he felt like he was drowning in the recent events in his life, and I think he felt really guilty about not being able to be there for me in the way he thought I needed.

I had given him space prior to this, but he told me he felt like he was abandoning me when he took it. I’m hoping he doesn’t feel guilt about these two weeks, as that’s counterproductive to his healing. I do still feel pretty mad about how it was initiated, but in the state he was in, I don’t think he felt he had a choice.

I think I need to get better at telling him what I need. I’ve been censoring that because of the huge stressors that he was coping with, but this can’t work if it’s all on one side. I just know that he needed a lot more care than I did at this time, and so I took a step back from my needs in an effort to support him.

In the end, he’s working on himself and I’m working on me. For as long as I see that effort is being made by both of us, that makes all the difference to me. A commitment to being better today than we were yesterday. The reality is that he never gives up; he’s been through some heavy stuff in his life and he continues to seek treatment and fight through.

From reading this forum the last few years, I don’t remember anyone coming back from brakes and getting happily back together. You should really take this man at a face value. It’s great you learned about the attachment styles and communicate well, but the thing we forget about psychology is that the only person we can change is ourselves, and everyone else have their own problems to figure out. The best thing in my opinion would be to let this man go. Because if you keep loving men, who leave you, you will constantly be in this situation if not with him, then with someone else.

Learning to love yourself, oh my that’s a tricky one.
I think it’s not something you consciously do but you can do things to get yourself in the right mind set that LEAD to loving yourself.

One way is learning that you deserve love which improves you and enriches your life. Think objectively about what you love about your partner. I genuinely realised one day that I loved my ex pretty much for no reason. I’d somehow developed these strong feelings that he did very little to earn. He would give me little boughts of affection then nothing. He did the bare minimum. That is not a healthy relationship.

Another way is being comfortable being on your own. And this takes time. This is why it’s important to build a solid foundation of good friends, hobbies and career goals. You need to have a life to make room for someone to join it and ADD to that life. Not subtract from it.

It seems like you are very mature and very understanding of your boyfriends issues. But how many times are you going to be tolerant of situations like this? This could happen several times. Women naturally are nurturers, but it’s not always good to be constantly worrying about your partner. If you also suffer from anxiety & depression you could be helping him and inadvertently injuring your own mental health.
Think realistically about if his man truly is worth these hardships. But as Lane said, a truly great relationship should not be this difficult.
I think put simply you need to be more selfish. He has seeked out help himself and his attempting to heal. There is nothing more you can do for him dear. Think about how happy you are, truly.

I’m with you Emma! If anyone ever asked me for a break, the answer would be no. Either someone is with me and wants to be with me or they’re not. It’s a simple choice.

Nicole, I hope your conversation was honest. I’m really worried that you said this ” I’m hoping he doesn’t feel guilt about these two weeks, as that’s counterproductive to his healing.”. What about you?!?! What about the fact he turned his back on you, abandoned you and detrayed you?

I’m worried you’re going to worry so much about “his healing” that you forget yourself and your own needs in all of this. You need to tell him he totally let you down and he can never betray your relationship in that way again.

If he needs help dealing with his feelings, then I hope he got it in those 2 weeks and is continuing to get it now. But should he feel guilty? Yes! He has a lot to feel guilty for. If he doesn’t want to feel guilty, he can choose to find a different way of dealing with things than running away.