Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ugh, men are the worst. Why do they do this after the first date?
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
T from NY.
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Remi
So I had this date set up with this guy a few weeks ago for that evening. He texted me, but I was busy on another date actually so I didn’t have a chance to respond back. Then he called me a few hours after the text. I finally got around to calling him back a few hours later. He called and said he had to cancel our date because he had an emergency at work (he owns his own business – you’ve probably used one of his products actually). That he wanted to call me instead of text because that was the proper thing to do and didn’t want to seem like he was blowing me off because he was, “still very interested” in going out with me, and picked another day.
The day of the rescheduled date comes around. I’m on my way and I’m 30 minutes out and my car gives out. I send him the video of my car and he offered to come there to pick me up and help fix my car. I tell him I had a tow on the way so he didn’t need to pick me up. Later he asked if I was okay and we exchanged a few texts and I eventually didn’t respond. The next morning he asked how my car was and if was okay. I thought it was very sweet of him to be so concerned.
Finally, our date comes around. I was on my way and he sent me a text asking if I was still coming because he said given our track record haha. Again, I thought it was very sweet that he was concerned/worried I was going to bail on me. The date is going well (or so I thought) and I mention this spot in the city that everyone has tried but I haven’t. He said yea we’ve got to go there some time-okay, a good sign? Then later during the date, he turns to me and says, “I enjoy spending time with you”. I reciprocated. He found out that I ubered there so he offered me a ride home. I was coming off the curb and he reached out for my hand to help me – very much the gentleman. He drives me home, which was 30 minutes of out his way btw. He gets out of the car, comes to my side, says he wants to do this again and said maybe we can go to that restaurant you haven’t tried yet. I said yea sure that would be cool. He comes in to hug me and gives me a peck on the temple. I text him thanks again for the ride home . Then he eventually tells me he got home to which I replied I’m glad he made home safe and he said thank you. I didn’t respond after that.
He texted me two days later asking how my day was going and we texted for a bit, but he didn’t bring up the date.
So why do this?
Tl;dr Why say you enjoy spending time with her during date? Make an hour round trip just to drop her off? Why say you want to see her again? Why contact her a day or 2 later?
Why do that if you’re just not going to follow through with second date? Why not have just kept all those things to yourself after the date and just disappear instead?
Khadija
How long ago was the first date?
I’ll say this about dating, we’ve all been on a nice date with someone and things didn’t progress.
I assume he is dating and meeting others so there’s a chance he connected better with someone else, an ex could have come back in the picture, or maybe he had second thoughts.
After a first date you can’t have expectations and label a guy as the worst because another date didn’t happen.
Keep meeting people and keep your expectations low. Don’t get caught up with what a man says,actions speak volumes.
mama
I can empathize. I usually can tell how a date is going but I remember going on a FABULOUS first date a few years ago and I really did think it went soooooo well. He did all the same things — planted little seeds of a possible future date, told me he was having a great time, total gentlemen, etc. He brought me a single yellow rose for our date, and the next morning I sent him a snapshot of it in a nice bud vase and said thanks again. He responded “So glad you liked it!” and then *poof*….
Never to be heard from again. VERY frustrating. He didn’t even block me on our dating app that we met on (eHarmony). I did go on to meet a great guy though and we are still together.
Here’s the thing… people have their own issues and own problems/opinions/taste/etc that will keep them from responding. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You aren’t responsible for any of it. The best thing you can do for yourself is appreciate the great evening for what it was and just let it go. Don’t hang so much expectation upon it because you just honestly don’t have any clue what his deal is.
But I very much agree and empathize that it can be frustrating. I know it sounds cheesy but don’t let him take up so much space in your head (and possibly heart) when he hasn’t earned it. ;) Hang in there sister!
Tallspicy
You need to calm down. You are overly invested. Just be responsive and warm. If he does not ask you out again in a week, then just stop responding. If he asks why just say you are not aligned in that you want to be seeing someone in person.
He is not the worst. He is most likely just keeping his options open. Maybe he even likes someone more than you. Maybe he has a busy week and has no nights free. Maybe aliens sucked out his brain.
Dating will be difficult if you have all these rules of what he is supposed to do. Just relax. He will probably ask you out in a day or two.
You really have to give O f$cks to date until a man is your boyfriend.
Sensy
The way I would handle it is just leaning back and not have expectations because he may be picking up energy that you are pushing. Give him a chance to absorb your togetherness.
kaye
If THIS is the worst thing a man has ever done to you then count yourself lucky!! LOL
Daisy
I totally hear you. I used to get so frustrated whenever I though a date went well, and then never heard from the guy again. Not sure if it was someone from this site that said it, but a lot of guys feel pressure to be a “good” date, so they’ll say and do all of the right things, but only after the date do they really reflect if they want to see this person again. Not sure if that’s true, but it made me not hold as tight to my notion that a date went well and not pin my hopes to it.
Buuuut, what was the product that his company owns?? Now I’m running my brain trying to figure out what it is! Jk- you don’t have to say lol
Phoebe
This is why it’s a good idea to date multiple men at once… So you don’t get completely hung up on one and you have options and someone to bounce back to and have fun with if one lets you down.
Vera
I keep expectations low low low.
Especially only a few dates in.
After this happens to you a few times it’s like, meh, another drop in the bucket.
I used to care a lot more . Now not so much. I get annoyed , sure, but over time you just come to realize that it all doesn’t matter in the long run.
It really does have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. There are so many factors that need to align , it should actually be more surprising if it does work out , not the other way around .T from NY
I legit keep expectations ZERO all the while their pretty little mouths are telling me all the places they wanna take me or how amazing and beautiful I am LOL. Until…. they are my boyfriend. Crushes, and great first dates that never turn into second dates, teach you that. I believe most men mOsTLy mean it when they are saying sweet things to you, even plans for the future. After all, it’s their BIOLOGY to try and win you, to woo you, to impress. It makes them feel good about themselves. But when they get home and the alcohol wears off, and their libidos calm down because they can’t smell your perfume or see you smile at them anymore – usually –
that’s when a level head will prevail and then the man acts mostly on FEELING, no matter how amazing you are, he’ll only follow up if felt that spark. That spark is not definable and it just is what it is!In some ways men are two people on a date. The man that wants to win. And the real man. The man that wants to win is all about you while you’re out. Then real man prevails and either follows up or doesn’t. It’s all good. Your guy will keep following up. Until then — have fun, let yourself crush a little because it feels great — but keep your heart safely locked away somewhere until a man works weeeeeeks for it with consistency and locking you down.
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