Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Unmatch on bumble ever NOT a bad thing?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by
Anne.
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Kendra
I feel so silly asking this, but i’m fairly new to dating apps. Been seeing this guy a few weeks. Started out really well and had 3 dates after about a week of talking. Then he traveled for a week and is now quite sick, so I actually haven’t seen him in a week (we tentatively have plans for thurs, but obviously assumed we would see each other before then), but we have talked every single day. He hasn’t been as communicative since he’s been sick, but I just chalked it up to him being sick.
We did meet on Bumble. Awkwardly, we had a conversation last night about Bumble/being exclusive. (A summary, probably not in the correct order) He said he hasn’t really logged in the past couple of weeks. Since we aren’t exclusive, I am actively on it still, but do really like him so didn’t say very much except that I am girlie and do go back and look at his pictures and re-read our initial messages. He seemed to take that as a sweet gesture and then texted me his profile pictures, but warned me that if he deleted his profile, I wouldn’t be able to read our messages anymore. He had in the past volunteered to take it down if I wanted which I said needed to be his decision. I made a comment about noticing his app still up and understanding and respecting that we are not at the exclusivity stage. He seemed to then get upset and say that he wasn’t saying he wanted me to see other people but I can do what I want. Eventually we just left it at, we’ll have the conversation (Taking app profiles/exclusivity) when its time I “thought” all seemed ok. So today, I notice our chat conversation is gone which I assume means he since his “deleted profile” wasn’t there. Tried logging out and back in…still gone. So I waited a bit and then gave him a call just to see how he was doing…still sick, not feeling any better. Didn’t mention anything about wanting to stop seeing me or Bumble. i guess there’s always the .01% chance I accidently unmatched w/him w/o realizing, but assuming not, any idea what the heck is going on??
Pam
I’m not sure why it matters? You have moved from they app to having each other’s phone numbers and a few dates. I personally would not have gushed with he guy a out checking out his pics and re reading the text messages. It’s too early in the dating proces to be gushing to a guy. He should be the one gushing for you at this stage of the game. Many times when you make it too easy cor a man to win you over he loses interest. Three dates is way to early to decide if you are compatible or a good match. Tell me you actually talked a out this and didn’t do it over text… conversations about ex lusivity or anything meaningful should not be said on text.there is too much opportunity for things to be taken the wrong way. Which may have happened to you. Sounds like you were pushing him after only a few dates to know how he feels about you and he gave you a generic response. Back off and let him come to you. Stop with all the serious talk and just get to know him better. If a man really wants to be with you there will be no need to ask
redcurleysue
I would not assume anything right now. I would just let him recover and resume dating if he asks you again.
At this early stage you are focused too much on this. Just figure this is a guy you are dating and as you get to know him, his family and friends then you will know more of the answers to these and other questions.
Shake loose and learn about him as you go. One step at a time. One date at a time.
Kendra
Thanks for responding, Pam!
I tried to paraphrase the conversation as much as possible, but yes, it was one the phone. Like I said, mostly chalking up the less communication, kind of crabby to him being sick. The unmatching part is new to me…as in why would he not say anything or why wouldn’t he have done it weeks ago when we started using the real phone? And of course, I already feel stupid, so definitely not asking him why!
Kendra
And thank you too, redcurleysu. Will just give him the space and hope he starts initiating again…
lil
the deleted conversation means that he unmatched you, not that he has left bumble.
He may have done this so you dont see him using bumble anymore, I dont take it as a good sign when someone does this.
sorry to be a wet blanket about this but the others have addressed your relationship but I wanted to let you know about bumble and dating apps. Most men are active on many apps usullay if the are using bumble they are also on tinder.
Sometimes guys will unmatch you and also delete their accounts but Ive noticed that that it can also means that they are starting from scratch. You will know this if he come back into your feed to swipe on.As the others have said, early days. Keep busy and let him lead. listen to his words and how he treats you. Sometimes sick is also code for fading, apps can be hard going.
keep us updated.
Kendra
Thanks for responding, Lil! Yes, I did realize he had unmatched from me which I thought was beyond odd. Now i’ve heard things like “I unmatch w/people i’m talking to offline” or “I don’t want to start obsessing over a match’s whereabouts”…which I think are both BS in my opinion. Also make no sense if he claims he’s not using it anymore or “just people watching”. My call to him after I realized this has happened was either to see if he would “rip off the bandaid” and end it or at least bring it up he deleted me for whatever reason…neither happened. I really don’t know what to think…guess time will tell. Now taking a few steps back and letting him come to me…
Adviser
You showed too much interest way too early, he may have
sensed you are way ahead of him, and he may just want casual for now.Emma
So much analysis after THREE dates! I was exhausted reading this, aren’t you exhausted analysing? And you even call him to follow up.
I don’t buy that he is still sick and “not getting better”.
I suggest that you lighten up LOL Let him do what he wants, you barely know this person. You are nowhere near the stage to talk about things like exclusivity and taking profile down.
Do not reach out to him anymore and keep swiping with other guys.
Kendra
update. Last night he brought up he deleted Bumble b/c he didn’t want it to cause problems but was also bot saying this meant we were exclusive. Still sounds quite sick and still wanting to be left alone while sick. Guess I have some thinking to do…
Anne
The dating app discussion that you insisted on having while he was sick is simply showing him you are one of those clingy, typical pain in the ass women. Shut up and enjoy dating.
You have just shown him a big red flag.
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