Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Unsure about my relationship
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Nathalie.
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T
Hi, after some advice here. Me and my bf have been together for a few months. We both enjoy spending time with each other, especially trying out new restaurants (before lockdown). However, from time to time, I have to this gut feeling of being unsure of this relationship. I like my bf, but don’t feel infatuated with him like I did with past guys I’ve dated. I’m in my early 20s and this is my first ever relationship. I don’t really see anything wrong with this relationship but yet I feel like something is off for some reason? I don’t know if it’s a ‘me’ problem or an ‘us’ problem- that we’re not compatible enough.
When ever he phones or texts, I get fairly happy but not to a point where I’m super excited or my heart skips a beat like in the past. I’m assuming it’s still kind of early on and it’s still the honeymoon phase. I occasionally miss being single and spending time with my girlfriends and my family, but the next minute I want to be with him.
Also since lockdown, we’re in a LDR. And for the past two weeks, he’s been texting less but still initiating most daily phone calls.
Appreciate any advice as to what’s happening as I’m still trying to figure stuff out and sometimes I even question if I’m being a good enough gf for thinking this way.Newbie
I dont remember any other posts so i miss that context. But i cant tell you youre in the right relationship and i doubt anyone else can. One thing i can tell is that the crazy loves are frequently caused by hormones on steroids and almost always fall apart. I could do a do-over with my man after we did the first crazy round. And the second time i was calm, not trying to control outcomes and totally relaxed about where we stood. From that moment on its always been good. So i for sure view the true thing as a calmer, more secure steady love. Its up to you to decide what matters to you. Like for instance my man makes me happy, has my back, i feel his love and vice versa. Is it more boring than crazy love? Not to me, i like the deeper level of the bond. Im sure you can figure it out. Important is that you dont feel you have ro settle just because you crave any relationship
Nathalie
Well i can tell you one thing.
This is not how the honeymoon phase feels like. When things are new that’s when it’s supposed to be all rosy not the other way around.
Some relationships dont always have the obvious infuatation factor and still be strong (usually those are mature relationships of people who have been divorced or the likes as they care about the purpose more than the romance) but it should at least have a special level of happiness that this person brings to you. Not the kind that makes you want to be single.
Ask yourself questions. How did he win you over? What are the qualities that made you want him as a partner and not a friend? How would you feel if you see him with some other girl? Hurt, jealous or indifferent?
You must also consider that in quarantine things are not the same, you can’t ignite the fire by going out, making memories the way it would be in person. Sometimes people get in relationships easily, whereas if he faught hard for you, you would be feeling differently about him. I say that because i sense there is a lack of worth/value or you yourself dont know what you’re looking for yet. But you can also make the effort in getting to know him deeper, have deep talks, connect on things with substance. Send each other funny videos, laugh, take a picture of what you’re doing and send to him and talk about it. Just simple things that can build excitement.
On a more advance note though, i think what you’re feeling is that you’re not in love with him. You only like him and the gut feeling you have is guilt because deep down you know this already.
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