Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › UPDATE!!!
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Erin.
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Maria
Reposting cause I only got like one person that responded…
Me and this guy made it official and ever since then I can’t help but have second thoughts. This is my first real relationship. I am missing the single life. I miss being independent and the excitement. But he makes me so happy. I like him a lot. I can’t tell if maybe this is a defense mechanism because I am scared it’s real which means I can get hurt. Even if I was single, I wouldn’t want to even talk to any other guys because they wouldn’t be him. But I still feel suffocated but idk why because he’s not super overbearing. He is honestly perfect which is why I am so confused as to why I am having these thoughts. Is this normal? Why is it happening and how can I make it stop?
Jennifer
Dear, being perfect is different from love. There can be many people who can be totally perfect for us. But we will fall in love with very very few and rarely. Until you fall in love, you will keep having these second thoughts. It’s normal. You decide whether you truly love him, whether you can live without him or not.
Maddie
Do you have an avoidant insecure attachment style? That will make you feel trapped in most relationships until you dig in to yourself and confront fear and trauma that has nothing to do with him.
Or you’re young and are not looking to settle down yet and prefer being single.
Or both!
But don’t string someone along if you have intense doubts. It’s okay to not feel ready for a relationship, no matter the reason.
Elvira
Maria I feel you got a great response in your first post from someone who pretty much same age went through the same thing. Not sure how long you have been dating this guy but I feel you are over thinking. If he crosses all your boxes as a good guy not overwhelming/overbearing why would you feel suffocated? I think you are looking for an issue where there is none. If the guy is giving you space and what you desire, then maybe it is not in your nature at this point to be in a committed relationship with one person. Take some time to yourself but you may lose a great guy.
Erin
Just my two cents
1)Don’t get into relationships for the wrong reasons, you will hurt someone and sometimes yourself.
2) You also come across as emotionally unavailable, you might want to work on that before you ruin a good relationship. Do a self introspection and identity where your emotional unavailability stems from and address it. Remind yourself everytime that this person has nothing to do with it, don’t project.
3)You were probably used to dating jerks and have been/seen crappy relationships in the past. Real love in relationships rarely happens the first few weeks or months, no matter what people tell you, even if they had shotgun weddings. It happens much later. So don’t feel under pressure to declare yourself or to feel some type of way so soon. Just enjoy the moments you share and let things happen naturally.Last but not least,don’t string someone along. If it’s not really what you want, shut it down before people get hurt.
All the best!
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