Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Use my real name!
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mama.
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Lizzie
This is a strange one but wondering people’s take on it.
I’m Elizabeth and my entire life (I’m 37) have been known as Lizzie. My niece and nephew call me aunty Betty as a pet name.
Met a new boyfriend in November. All going brilliant. Due to lockdown we have been inseparable. And due to lockdown we didn’t meet each others friends and family until late 6-8 weeks.
I had told my boyfriend my close family call me Betty. He said ooh I like that.
What I didn’t realise until very recently was he has told all his family and friends my name is Betty or Betz.
He calls me Betsy which is similar but made up. I don’t really like it but it’s his pet name.
What I absolutely hate is his family and friends calling me Betty/Betz. I told him about a month ago I wasn’t happy and he said he’d sort it.
He hasn’t.
I saw his family today and they are still calling me Betty. Now it’s so awkward as so much time as past. I feel embarrassed for them to correct them. I feel like my boyfriend should have a quiet word with them but he won’t. He won’t take it seriously.
I can feel it driving a wedge between us. I can feel the resentment forming. I can feel myself not liking his family and friends because the name gives me the shudders. I know that Betty is another short name for Elizabeth but I’m Lizzie to the entire world!
It may be silly, but it’s my special bond with my niece and nephew for them to call me Betty. Aunty Betty. I don’t want my boyfriend’s friends and family and colleagues calling me it. I never thought for one moment it would stick. What is ridiculous is they don’t even know my name is Lizzie. They think my actual name is Betty. Like I grew up as Betty. I am so upset. Currently laying here in bed crying.
If I don’t sort it out, I’m going to just stop seeing his family and friends.
What do you suggest? Should I say look, I prefer Lizzie. Betty is a private family nickname. Or should it be up to my boyfriend to talk privately with his family and friends?
Help!
Raven
Each & every time, ask them to please call you Lizzie
Lizzie
I don’t know how..I told know how to not offend them. I am looking for some encouragement and guidance.
Raven
You’re not going to offend them by asking them to call you Lizzie…
Maddie
Yep. Just say to them that your friends call you by your nickname Lizzie, and you prefer that. It’s been a while but you wanted to be polite when introduced as the new gf, so I don’t think it should come across as that awkward to bring up. More like a, I’m comfortable and expect to be sticking around now, so time to use the name all my friends do (even if that’s not exactly what’s really going on).
Do you have any underlying issues with your bf though? Sounds like you don’t feel fully respected.
tammy
if thats the only problem than i feel your over reacting. whenevr you meet his family/friends, just tell them to call by your name. i dont see any real problm here.
Lane
Lizzie, why don’t you just tell his family there’s been some confusion about your name. Just tell them that you developed a ‘pet name’ with your niece and nephew but to the rest of the world you are known as “Lizzie” and that’s how you want to be addressed. Why is this so hard for you to communicate? Communication is the real issue here, where instead of using your voice, and correcting them from the get go, which is your responsibility, not his, you have let it get to the point it has. Blaming or resenting him or his family is passive-aggressive behavior if you haven’t clearly communicated it to them.
Try taking some ownership for it. Try communicating with your BF, in front of his family, what you want. If after you clearly state it, and he/they still keep calling you “Betsy” or “Betz” remind them again its “Lizzie.” If he doesn’t stop, then tell him if he calls you by the other name, one more time, you are going to break up. Then break up if he doesn’t. You lack boundaries, and poor communication skills, something you need to improve so issues like these don’t fester.
Erin
You can just make the correction each time someone uses the wrong name. There is no need to bring the chopper on your man over it honestly.
mama
You can politely laugh and smile and say, Please just call me Lizzie or Elizabeth, all my good friends do.
That’s literally ALL you have to say whenever they (or anyone) call you something else. If you think about it, you are actually going to make them feel awful the longer you wait to say something. It’s YOUR name, own who calls you what, not your boyfriend.
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