Very early stages of texting and calling/texting

Actually lately I’m very busy but today was Sunday so had a lot of time to myself. Also there is almost a 100% lockdown.

You understood the situation perfectly. I don’t know if we’re even dating. (I mean he might think it’d lead to FWB or whatever guys think). The instagram thing annoys me because up to 6-7 insta stories a day indicates him being on the phone a lot. He used to text me a lot during his last holidays and then we moved it to real life and calls. Which is better. Having said that I’d also want him to chase me. If I’m being honest natural like my therapist says I don’t build up the momentum and I’m not like a prize. Which might be normal but a little game/hard to get should be ok. I want him to want me equally or more than I like him. By showing I’m always interested I’m losing my position. Or do I think wrong?

If you’re already complaining about and nagging a guy that you aren’t even really dating; to do something to make you feel special; then you will make a horrible-clingy-needy-nagging-girlfriend!

Did I use enough adjectives to create ‘a story’ that men are not attracted to in women? Why? Because ADULT men don’t want to date their mommy, or be told what they have to do just to make you feel better. I’ve been with my partner for over four years and guess what, I never once had to tell him to text or call me. Why? Because he *wanted to* (key words) of his own free will text and call me to show how interested in me he was and four years later and he still does it every single day, two or more times a day, without me ever having to say a peep!

I think you need to remain in therapy and learn how to stop forcing men to validate your self worth or fill a void in your life. Until you become self-assured, confident, and so comfortable in your skin that you don’t *need* (key word) a man to do something because you are fully capable of validating your own worth you don’t have the desire to seek it from others.

Continue your therapy and just focus on building yourself up, on your own, until you are so comfortable in your skin, you not only lost the desire to control what men do but wouldn’t even bat an eye (give any guy a second of your time) if they aren’t SHOWING you how wonderful they think you are and how lucky they are to be with you! That’s the ultimate goal to dating and relationship success.

You are overthinking/panicking!
You have really high expectations of someone who is not your boyfriend. This guy is on a ski trip which means he’s out in the snow all day and probably crashes at night after hanging out with the friends he’s with. You’re not his girlfriend, so there is no need to check on a daily basis. And honestly, even if you were his girlfriend, I’d still give him a pass for wanting a few days to himself.
Let him be and see if he gets in touch AFTER he gets back (why should he set something up while he’s still away? He doesn’t have his schedule in mind right now. At least I hope so, because everybody deserves a proper break once in a while). I have no clue if this guy is serious about you or not. This vacation is no indicator either way. What will tell you if he is still interested is if he gets in touch once he’s back. He will likely contact you a couple of days after returning and set up a date. If he doesn’t, you have your answer.
What you are doing right now is sabotaging whatever it is you have with him. You want to close yourself off and move on because you don’t want to get hurt. But, right now, you are the one hurting yourself by telling yourself all these negative stories. This is your anxiety taking over and filling a temporary silence with self-doubt and negative thoughts about him.
Once again, I don’t know how he feels about you! I am not saying that he is in love and you can’t see it! He might like you (if he does, it will show when he’s back) or he might want to let things go (he will also show this through ACTIONS when he gets back). All I am saying is that this is not about him being on a vacation and not texting every day. This is about YOU and your anxiety that is telling you to pull the plug right away when really you should just give it (him) time.

Sandy really is on point and should take a break from thinking about him as its not helping you or your “vibe” as that will end up ruining it for you if you can’t learn self-control.

Don’t you have other people, hobbies, work and things going on in your life to occupy your mind and time? Most of my relationship evolved from NOT looking for a relationship but living my life and if a man wanted to join me, great, if not…see ya!

If they showed up, I showed up—if not, that’s OK too because there are plenty of guys to meet and greet when you’re out and about living your life with an “I don’t care” attitude. He’s not the ONLY guy out there, so get out and meet some and have some fun doing it :o)

The only tip I can give you is to STOP yourself when you get in that mindset. Need to learn how to train the brain to not obsess by doing something, anything to get it to think of something else.

Buying 5000 piece puzzles; watch a super funny movie or genre you enjoy; reading a lot of self-help books, on the areas you need work in, putting up quotes on your mirror and reading it until you believe it would be a good start to see if you can learn how to disengage the brain and occupy it with other things v. one, such as a guy. Just a few ideas that you could start by taking small steps until you master it—like they say “practice makes perfect!” :o)

Are you sure you are with a licensed therapist? Since the Wim hof method is not certified for anything. And what is its aim? To foces more? But anyway its good you find councelling but getting counseling doesnt mean insta fix. Some people will have counselors all their lives and not fully reach their potential for various reasons. I remember you, i stayed away from your new posts until now, because you felt intimidated by me. But now i changed my mind, maybe against my better judgement. I told you, your behaviour fits people with borderline. I still stand by that. If it is, it will take you significant mind training to improve your anxiousness, impulse control, excesses. I just read that 2000 dollar bottle a wine threat so that made me respond. Drink that bottle yourself with the best friend you can think of and who likes wine. How does you mind even go to posting that threat? Who is the one who gets the bottle? This guy who doesnt even seem to want to date you?
Dont let my post beat you down. Thats not my goal. I think you are trying which is trully great but for some people life will be harder than for others. I think that applies to you (and me). For you for now i think you are too much of a dreamer. Which is nice as an escape but not nice when it comes to judging people. You see too much through pink glasses. What i think works best is cognitive behaviourial therapy where you retrain your brain. You clearly smart and sensitive but i feel your brain gets in your way, so you might give it a look. I wish you a big bottle of expensive wine in 2020 where you make plans for 2021 that are focussed on you!

She is legit. She mentioned this method.
About wine you got it wrong but that’s not important.
My brain is wired incorrectly I do agree but for some reason I appear more sane that I am to my therapist if it makes sense.
How many times can I repeat that while I have issues I’m not borderline?
My therapist made me aware of catching my automatic thoughts level of intensity writing them down and then creating scenarios and arguments for and against.
It’s turning out I always pick up the worst case scenario. I’m working on it.
But deep down I know I’m naive and probably shouldn’t totally rewire my brain by giving too much benefit of a doubt since I’m often blindsided by people (not just guys but people) due to me being a dreamer etc. I know you mean well I can’t help being a bit scared of your posts!

Thank you, Newbie, long story, don’t read it if you don’t want to/don’t have time.
I remember back in high school going to get my dysgraphia paper so that teachers cannot punish me for my terrible doctor-like writing.. (It’d never happen today, I suppose paper is obsolete :) Of course I got mine because I was a true case and nobody had any doubts about it. Two women assessed also my IQ, my geographical, social understanding. They told me how difficult it is to be me since I’m burning myself out and they see how I want to get everything right. I was so angry at myself because I forgot who wrote “Paradise Lost” since literature was one of my strongest suits and I had to know it. So I came back to school with a “verdict” on me. It was very kind to me. It said I’m highly sensitive ambitious etc. One of my teacher who later apologised said “Ok, so you’re our special care case? How should we treat you” The first part was said in ironic tone. The whole class laughed. It also appeared that my dear classmates turned this (and others too) teacher against me despite getting almost straight As. Later on he was surprised how much I did know. He thought of me as a nervous lazy crazy chick. The story of my school life was also (from teachers’s perspective) “I’m in bad mood and want someone who I can get easy reaction from, ok – Sylvia”.