Very passive guy

Hi Melissa,

Similar situation here. Some men are just passive and indecisive by nature. That’s just who they are. Even though changing this attitude is possible, it will take time (even years) and a lot of patience on your part. What I recommend is that you start noticing whether he is like that only with you or on other occasions as well. For instance, if he keeps saying that he’s very bad at making decisions or seems to be clueless when given two options and has to choose one, then the problem is not the relationship, it’s his character. Don’t take it personally.

Because I am the more assertive person in my relationship, I actually enjoy making decisions (of course, I ask for my boyfriend’s opinion first, just in case he has one). The dynamic works for us, but I understand that it is not for everyone.
Unless you are ready to wear the pants, don’t expect him to change overnight. Take into consideration, however, that if you decide to enter a relationship with a passive man, you will have to take charge and maintain it. So, perhaps, it’s better to carefully consider this factor in case you are planning for a long-term relationship.

Also, you might want to raise the issue with him at some point. I am not suggesting taking him on a wild trip into the “how do you feel about me?” or “where is this relationship heading?” The birth of a relationship should be spontaneous and stress-free. I am talking about asking him in an honest way why he is never initiating contact or suggest fun activities to spend time together. He might surprise you with the answer. Some men are unaware of the mistakes that put a potential relationship’s fire out. Just ask him, be straightforward and open about it, and listen to what he has to say. If he is vague, then perhaps he is not that interested in moving forward and wants the perks of your company but not the commitment that comes with a relationship. Or maybe he is insecure and thinks that you might not enjoy any of the activities he would like to suggest. I find more worrying the fact that he never texts you, that is a red flag. But, again, it might be due to shyness or passivity. I don’t know him, so these are just my guesses. Hope this was helpful.

Thanks for the replies. He is extremely laid back. Even comments that he’s “tired of working” at times. Likes to skip work occasionally and can spend all day texting back and forth with me at work instead of getting any work done. He appears lazy when it comes to work duties and his house is quite messy. With no incentive to organize his book collection. I’m not going to become his “picker upper”.

Stay single. Enjoy the company. Only commit to bettering yourself. Do what’s best for you and keep moving forward. Stop overthinking everything that’s how you talk yourself into misery.