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- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 7 months, 3 weeks ago by
Maddie.
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Grace
I’m 28. On dating app. Matched with someone really interesting yesterday. He’s honestly 10/10 just smoking hot and handsome. I’m pretty too, about average but eeeeee he’s honestly so sexy!
He’s 29. Anyway we’ve been messaging about food and random stuff since dinner time and all the way to midnight. Then switched to a calling each other and continued talking until 5am. Poor me I had to get up at 7am for work, I was dead haha but well worth it. We both didn’t wanna end the call.
He tried his hardest to stay up until 5am, he wanted to sleep since 3am. He ended the call at 5am because he’s tired. Anywayy… no sexting or anything inappropriate. Just hobbies, work and food and weekends plans and holiday.
He asked me to call him at 7am when I’m getting ready for work but no answer. I’ve not heard from him it’s now like 12pm.
Do you think he’s just tired?? or ghosting me? I mean obviously he’s tired. I’m tired too but I’m just so excited to talk to him again that I’m not tired and the 2 cups of coffee in the span of 3 hours didn’t help either.
He said he didn’t want any hookup, want to date and settle down and buy a house. He said his ex partied a lot, poss cheated on him, he was working and she was partying doing who knows what, and he couldn’t take it anymore. Not dated since for 1.5yr. But omg he’s honestly drop dead beautiful and a good guy… I just can’t believe he’sa good guy and not a f boy. Am I dreaming?
Someone please comment… anything. I’m getting butterflies and giggling like an idiot at work.
Grace
It’ so sad, still no response. I think ghosted…. Soo excited over nothing 😭😭
Grace
Forgot to mention.
He has seen the message. It’s his day off today. But no reply. I’m gutted.
Ugh I’m so annoyed, he like sent me his mum and dad and sister and brother photos and telling me about them.
What’s with that??
I guess I just need to wait and see. Sorry girls, I’m just excited but now sad by it …
Sorry for the multiple posts
Raven
Put your phone down, go outside & live your life.
AngieBaby
Sweetie. Step away from the coffee cup, calm down and get a grip. You’re 28 not 12.
You don’t even know this guy and it feels like you’ve already got your wedding dress on and you’re halfway down the aisle. And he didn’t even make a date to meet you yet.
When you’re off the caffeine high, maybe this will make sense. And I hope this is just coffee, because you sound kind of manic in these messages.
It’s not likely to work out with him – or any man you meet online. You’re giving way too much too soon and putting him on a pedestal higher than Mt Everest. This is all bound to come crashing back to earth. I don’t think you have any idea how desperate and clingy an impression you’re making. No man wants to be a woman’s entire world, it’s not healthy. Your self esteem isn’t in a place that’s going to attract a healthy relationship, I’m sorry to say.
Please back way off this guy and let him come to you, if he’s going to at all. Stop talking to someone you hardly know for hours on end, it’s not attractive. And rethink your behavior with men! You’re showing signs of anxious attachment style.
AngieBaby
And Raven, I don’t always agree with your one-liner approach, but whoa you sure nailed it this time!
Tammy
U just interacted with a guy for few hrs online n thn he disappeared!! And your posting abt what happened on a group?
Grace
Ok guys, you are all right.
I had 4 cups in 12hours, absolutely did not help… I feel better now that I’m off it for 24h. Feel like I’m back to my (almost) normal self now. Less hyper and less shaky hands and less hypoglycaemic feeling.
He ended up messaging says he was very busy but talked from 6pm all the way to 2am in the morning.
He did ask to meet me but I said I’d rather chat for a few days more or 1-2 weeks before meeting up plus I’m going on holiday for 3 weeks with them family in a few days so I can’t meet until then.
Should I cut down on the long phone calls? He indicated he wants to talk on the phone.
Now that high is gone, I am doubting this a bit now. He seems to perfect and his words are too cheesy likes he’s cool with everything I wanna do in life. Doesn’t disagree with anything which seems like he done it to try and impresse me. He’s probably not like that in real life. Im gonna monitor and assess over the next few days/ weeks.
Thanks for the advice
AngieBaby
Grace, STOP with all the long phone calls!! It creates false connection and intimacy. I know it’s a dopamine rush and all but it’s not real.
Also, you do not want to give out your phone number to a total stranger. He wants to talk on the phone. So what? What do YOU want? There’s not a lot to gain by having a lot of long phone calls. You want to meet in person ASAP to see how you get along. If you are going to have a phone conversation, keep it to half an hour and get a VOIP phone number or a burner phone so you aren’t giving out your real number. And you tell him you are OK having a short call, if you are, and then at 30 minutes you say, it’s been great chatting with you, I’ve got to go <do something else>. Leave him wanting more!
And only do one call before meeting. You want to see a guy asking you out within a week or two of connecting online. If he’s not, politely back away. There are a lot of men on the dating sites who are just looking for attention and fun and they’re already married or in a relationship and never want to meet in person. This is how you screen those out.
While you want to see a man leading, you can and should put up boundaries to avoid getting too far in too fast. The rule I’ve found is the hotter they burn up front, the faster they burn out and disappear.
AngieBaby
To be really clear, just tell him you don’t have more time to talk on the phone and would love to meet with him in person. That’s the opening for him to ask him out. Do NOT ask him out. And if you do go meet him ideal time is 90 minutes and absolutely no more than 2 hours no matter how well it’s going. Again leave him wanting more. Everything is all fun and flowers at first. You want to be observing his behavior and seeing if he meets your standards and if his actions match his words. Men are very capable of hanging out with a woman for fun and not wanting anything more. You have to guard your heart while you’re dating so you’re making sure he’s right for you before you commit and start sleeping with him.
AngieBaby
I meant “opening for him to ask YOU out.”
Maddie
My first internet dating experience ever: we matched and had overly long phone conversations every night for a week. I got very excited! Then we met. He was nice but didn’t look like his photos and it was all very awkward in person. He was still into me and I felt guilty and obligated to go out with him again because of the false intimacy and sense of investment our phone conversations created. The next date was just as awkward.
Keep things short and sweet at the beginning, and meet sooner than later if you can. Even if “meeting” is a video chat date, it’s better than nothing to gauge if you get along well and have some chemistry before you get ahead of yourself.
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