Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Waking away from a potential player…
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Jill
I’ve never had a guy come on so strong, until now. However, we both agreed early on that we wanted it all… Complete transparency… and were going to put all our feelings and emotions out there! It felt good! Real! HE has asked for exclusivity and HE is planning long-term. It feels great! We are in our 40’s, both divorced with kids, great professions, nice things… not looking to date around and READY for each other… SO HE has lead me to believe. Now, 6 months later… he’s backing off. I’m almost certain there is someone else… do I walk? I’ve asked, he has said no. I’m not needy or insecure, and I’m 99% certain of it! What would walking away do? I’m starting to believe this was all an ego feed… and a game… I trusted him and KNEW I shouldn’t let it all unfold so soon! I know better! But he made me feel safe… my question is… do I just walk? He is denying all of it. If it’s real would he come back? If it wasn’t real, I guess I have my answer. I’d like to hear from men… or someone who has experienced this exact same situation. Help! I don’t want to play games… or give ultimatum… but something is off!
K
Read the post entitled “He Ghosted Me After 7 Months!”
How long had your man been married and divorced?
What is he denying exactly??
redcurleysue
Listen to your gut on this.
It is normal for a relationship to go through stages so it is possible that is happening here. But, this is where how he has been in past relationships kicks in – have they fizzled out? People tend to repeat past behaviors.
That is why really getting to know someone before you dive in is important. But, you already knew that.
T from NY
There is not enough detail here, I believe, to advise you. If you think he’s cheating you have a right to investigate. Possibly he’s gotten relaxed because he’s sure of your relationship. But no man plays a game for 6 months. Do they sometimes go along because they like the companionship, sex and consider being with the woman and then change their minds when it comes to really progressing the relationship? Yes. Do they sometimes not take the time to truly reflect and ask themselves the same questions the woman has been asking all along about being ready for the next step? Yes. Thats why it’s recommended to get to know someone for at least a year before engagement. Break ups can happen at any point in dating someone. It doesn’t mean they were tricking you. It’s just means their feelings couldn’t sustain a relationship with you, OR their true characters emerge that their not capable of long term, authentic intimacy and commitment. Again – there are no specifics shared to really give an opinion.
alia
If you have a gut feeling I wouldn’t ignore it. So he is denying there is someone else, but you think there is, right? I would step back emotionally and keep living my life. He may come back, he may not. It could have all been for show, there are a lot of narcissists out there or whatever you wanna call them that pretend they are somebody else at the beginning of a relationship and then the real person comes out. Maybe this is the real him, you’re seeing. Give him a couple weeks and do your own thing and if you don’t like this new person he has revealed, dump him.
Jill
To answer the question… he’s on WhatsApp ALL the time, and not to me. Recently sent me a ‘forward’ of sexual content… which he does not do…. clearly from someone else. Yes, I’m sure he’s a player… just shocked! Now I get it. Sad, but true!
Newbie
I find your proof very thin to be honest. Calling a guy a Total player because he is on whats app sounds ridiculous to me. Unless he is not checking in at all. 6 months can either be a time frame where the relationship settles into a more normal routine or it can die If you are sure he is not into you anymore, then i would go with that and back off. I do agree that guys who come on too strong turn out to be emotionally unavailable a lot. That might be his case too. Likes to chase, doesnt want to commit
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