Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Wants to pick me up on first date
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
Amy S.
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Helena
Hi girls! I need your advice on this one . I e-met a guy on Tinder who was very nice but little envasive ( for exemple sending me texts everyday while we haven’t met yet, asking me for my full name and where I live…).
Anyway for the first date, I propose him to meet in a bar in the city, and he asked me if he could pick me up instead and go together. I didn’t want to do that so I sent him a nice message telling him that it was nice of him but to be honest I never go in a man’s car I barely know not even met once.
He got super cold after that and was barely responding saying ok . And then he sent me another text at the hour we we supposed to meet telling me he mistaken the address of the place we were supposed to meet and that he will have 35 minutes late delay…
so I texted him to cancel because I didn’t feel comfortable no more, and he replied “ok no pbm”.This is the first time this kind of interaction happens to me! Was I right or wrong to be cautious? I mean as a woman alone I feel responsible of what I’m doing and I don’t think this was wrong on my part.. could you please girls give me some advice?
Thanks a lot!
Lane
There is no right or wrong, if you feel uncomfortable there is no reason why a man shouldn’t be OK with it. His answer and how he handled it would have made me blow him off too, so don’t fret, just move onto the next :o)
Raven
Do Not get into a strangers car!
Especially one who got super ‘cold’ after you gave him a perfect reason…
Liz Lemon
You absolutely did the right thing. I’m not paranoid but there are plenty of news stories out there about women who were attacked or even killed by men they met through dating apps or websites. This guy was a total stranger, he had no business asking your full name or your address! If he was annoyed that you did not want a total stranger to come to your home and pick you up and drive away with you in his car, then he’s not a guy you want to date.
Tallspicy
Sweet to offer, not at all sweet to get mad. Your intuition helped you hear. He sounds like a pushy dodgy boundaries guy. That never changes
K
“Was I right or wrong to be cautious?” OMG, you have to ASK permission to ensure your safety? That breaks my heart. You should ALWAYS be cautious! It’s YOUR job to protect yourself. Sorry, don’t mean to scold you but hells bells, you don’t have to be nice to a man at your expense!
No, not “sweet to offer.” We have to remember what our parents taught us about “stranger danger” no matter what our age is.
Men aren’t stupid and they understand the need for women to be careful with OLD. No decent guy would invade your privacy by asking for your personal details right away or offering to pick you up at home when you’ve met on a dating app. Major red flag. And his reaction when you wouldn’t play along… gives me the chills. You were being set up for something very unpleasant. Be grateful you didn’t meet him. I guarantee he’s running this game on countless women and sadly some women are naive enough to fall for it.
Khadija
I agree with K, I make no apologies about my safety.
When I first met my boyfriend it took almost a month before I allowed him to come pick me up.
If you’re online dating you met all types of people and everyone should not know where you live or personal details.The news has too many stories about women getting into cars with strangers and not coming out alive.
Your gut was right so, always trust that.
His reaction is off putting, if he reaches out to reschedule please say no thank you. No explanation needed.He’s a stranger you don’t owe him or anyone else a thing.
Tallspicy
It is not even kind of a red flag to ask.
I have had many great men who were trained right on how to treat a woman ask. When I said, thank you for the offer, they simply said, great…. see you there. Then, If I feel comfortable, I let them drop me at home. Or not, cause I choose 😂😅
K
Tall, you and I are going to disagree on this one and I ask you to reconsider what you’re saying. This is the 21st century. It IS a red flag to offer, if you’re meeting through OLD. Everyone, male and female, knows it’s best practice to meet in public for a first date and in fact the dating sites say you should, and furthermore state you should not give out your personal details.
And we’ve all been taught from a small age not to get into a strangers car for crying out loud!
If you met IRL and know him a bit, then it’s sweet and the sign of a gentleman to a man to offer to pick you up.
K
And I’ve done OLD on and off on various sites for years – not once has a man ever asked to pick me up at home. If one had I would have ended the conversation.
K
I would also never let a man I met online drop me at home after a first date, even if I liked him and felt comfortable with him. At that stage he’s still a stranger. I’m with Khadija, at least a month or half a dozen dates before he gets to know where I live. You cannot be too careful. A man from a dating site needs to earn your trust.
Shoshannah
This man is a giant red flag alive. Not only should you be grateful that this date didn’t happen, I would also block him everywhere now. By the way, I take the 35 minutes delay to be his passive aggressive punishment for declining his “offer”, because were you together, he wouldn’t get lost.
Helena
Wow! Thanks so much for all the messages! I feel so relieved now! Yes I blocked him from everywhere! Who knows what was his intentions or plans with me. I’m just greatful I never gave my real name or address. And he doesn’t know my physical appearance as he only saw one picture on the app. Thanks God this happened it was a huge red flag
Amy S
Safety is paramount. Always. I cant believe how little regard is given when girls write on here that they have went to some dudes house for a first date. Be savvy and aware ladies, even if someone has everything that backs up who they are like mutual friends and stuff dont believe any of it until you meet in the flesh. And please dont explain just say no I will meet you in Starbucks whatever for a quick first date. Somewhere nice and busy that you can make a quick getaway if needed too. x
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