Was I just a rebound? Did he love her more than me?

I know it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m in no contact and will stay no contact forever but with the quarantine and everything I just keep wondering. Here’s my story:

My ex was with this girl for about 9 months (his first girlfriend). He even “almost” cheated on her once when she was on a three-month trip (he told me this in an attempt to tell me it was hard for him to stay faithful to her but that he didn’t feel that way toward me but it only made me anxious). The girl’s mother made them break up, saying he wasn’t well-off enough and his daughter was at an age to get married (she was only 22!!!) We were friends for about 4 years in college and we started dating about 6 or 7 months after his break up. They were not in contact and he had even blocked her because she wanted to stay in contact and meet in secret but he said there was no point in doing so. Before even one month into us dating he was scrolling through folders and he was showing me some pictures and I saw a folder of pictures with the name of his ex. When I mentioned it, he told me he didn’t even know if it was there and deleted the folder even when I told him it wasn’t necessary and he told me why would I even need them?

We dated for about 3 and a half years and we were pretty serious. We intended on getting married (he was the one who was keen on the idea of getting married and having children) and everything, his family loved me and really wanted us to end up together but we had a lot of fights towards the end of the relationship. Sometimes he’d say things that weren’t exactly nice and made me insecure, I’d constantly ask for more of his time and reassurance which annoyed him. He said he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts but refused to seek treatment all the while talking about starting a family with me which made me have anxiety…Oh and once after 3 years of dating, during one of our fights his ex came up and I asked him if he was completely over her, he said of course he was. He told me she was going on that three month trip to Italy she had given him her empty perfume bottle so that he would smell it every time he missed her and be reminded of her. He told me that he had even thrown that empty perfume bottle away when he was moving to his new apartment. The thing that struck me was whether he had knowingly kept that empty perfume bottle all along or if he had found it when he was moving. And if he had kept it all along why tell me about it and why throw it away when we were in our worst state in the relationship and kept having fights. He also asked me to stop asking questions like that and putting ideas into his head. (I know he had thrown away some t-shirts she had brought for him from Italy).
Anyways, after many fights, he broke up with me, blamed me for the whole thing and kept asking me to sleep with him even though I had told him that doing so would only hurt me since I had feelings for him and wanted a relationship. Sometimes I think maybe it’s my fault he even dared propose such a thing because when he was breaking up with me in addition to all the stupid things I said I asked so is this the last time we kissed and slept together and he said it didn’t have to be. We met a few times after that. I was confused. I wanted him to talk about the confusing things he had told me, that he had missed me and wanted to see me but he was not much of a talker so I kinda seduced him, we kissed but I didn’t let him go much further than that. We were supposed to talk once more. I had made him promise not to make a sex move on me when I got there and he did it. He kinda forced himself on me that day and it was reeeaaally confusing because I wanted it. I had even shaved just in case, I could have run away when he started but all I did was press my legs together and asked him repeatedly not to. I don’t really know if it counts because it’s really what I wanted deep down and I was there! I just knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do for me and that’s why I said no. Neither of us could stay away for long after the break up and we would contact each other one way or another (he mostly did so for sex). We even got back together once but didn’t last over a week. He told me the reason why he kept asking me to sleep with him was because he couldn’t stay away. He had promised not to even think about anyone if I took his offer. He later told me the reason why he had made such an offer was maybe if we went through with it we’d find out that we’re practically back together and we can avoid all the faults. I slipped twice and succumbed to his requests, not because I had believed him, because I missed him but generally didn’t accept it.

This went on for seven months. He told me the crush he had on his ex and the love he had for me were never gonna be repeated again and he was never gonna feel that way toward anyone else. He told me his feelings for her were intense and they faded as quickly as they appeared but that his love for me was like an elevator and that I would always be the love of his life. Once he told me he had this fantasy of raping me and knocking me up so that then we would have to get married which was even crazier than it sounds! He was the one who had broken up with me, he knew I wanted a real relationship but he told me I wanted the circumstances to be in such a way that wouldn’t give me a choice. He repeated his “offer” more than once during the week we got back together. When I laughed it off and thought he was joking he said that I wasn’t brave enough to take that step to save our relationship and as stupid as I was I wasn’t stupid enough to do so. He also told me he had this fantasy of killing me and then being hung for it, anything that would bind us together for good. I rejected his sex offers so many times that he eventually withdrew and told me he wanted to move on and told me the fact that I contacted him was selfish!

Then six months after last time he asked me to come over to his place he got married to his ex. He was also very good and loving to me most of the times but there were times during the relationship and many times after the relationship like I just described that he was just not normal. I don’t know if it’s because I brought out a bad side in him and that he didn’t love me enough or if it is really who he is. Do you think he’ll treat his wife the same sooner or later? Even if he has loved her all along?