Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Was it ok to send him an angry text?
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Laura.
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Laura
A guy I’m casually dating flaked on me for the second time. We discussed the issue when it happened for the first time, I understood that something came up, but told him it would have been better if he had let me know before the date that he wouldn’t be able to make it. He apologized then. We went for a date afterwards which we both enjoyed and made plans for another date on a specific day. We texted 3 days before the date and fixed what we would be doing. And then I haven’t heard from him at all, not even on the day we were supposed to meet, he just disappeared. He was online otherwise and had time to play videogames. I was very disappointed and angry by then and I realized that I can’t be in any form of relationship with a guy like that. The thing is that I felt I had to voice my anger to him and let him know he just can’t do this with me, so I sent him an angry text. It was like: “Dear -name of the guy-, This has really been rude…You could have at least let me know you can’t make it today. It would have been ok, if you had told me that something came up and today is not ok with you. Acting flaky is not sexy.” I got no reply, but it’s ok, I didn’t expect an answer. It’s just that I began to feel bad a little bit later for voicing my anger, maybe I shouldn’t have texted him at all, I should have just let it pass and move on silently. I’m usually not a vindicative person, I’m calm and peaceful, it was just this situation that drove me mad, but now I’m questioning myself: was it ok? Do you think it was rude of me to send him a text like that? I know it’s kind of silly and petty, but that’s how I feel now. Thanks for your answers!
Amanda Rocks
Who cares onto the next. x
Jay
I think it was impulsive and didn’t get the response you hoped it would.
If he is flaking that means he isn’t interested. So you making a big deal out of it? All he read from your text was ‘bla bla gala bla bla bla.’
Men don’t respond to words. They understand actions. So if you ignored him and moved on, that would have sent a more dignified message that you gave him a chance the first time, but you really rant it the second time that it isn’t acceptable. End of story.
Men who aren’t into you are not going to be guilted into feeling bad just because you send an angry text. I know if I don’t really care about someone, I would just laugh at it and click the delete button.
Apathy is the opposite of caring. Anger shows you cared. And you shouldn’t be caring for a stranger or a man you only had a few dates with.
Betty
Laura you wrote and sent that text out of anger. You did it to make yourself feel better, and that’s the same reason you want to apologize now – to make yourself feel better. Do it if you must and then forget about this guy. This is how you weed out the ones that are not for you.
In the future, write the nasty text but do not send it. It usually has the same result of making you feel better and you leave the other person alone. He sounded irresponsible and immature and you don’t have time for guys like that!Alpharetta
Don’t do or say anything when you’re angry! If you need to, write it down on a piece of paper and then tear it up and throw away later. Don’t gripe about to others either, that just gives it more fuel. I’ve found the more rational and calm and unaffected you are by a guy’s bad behavior (when he clearly knows it’s bad behavior) is a lot more effective than reading him the riot act. But… live and learn. No harm done. This wasnt going anywhere anyway.
Laura
Thank you for all your advice! You’re right, it’s better not to act on impulse when you’re angry, it’s never a good choice. In the meantime, I realized that this was my way of cutting him off, even if it was not the best choice, but I think I finally understood why I acted like this. I had other issues with this guy as well -so he was really no good- which resulted in distancing myself from him at one point and it drove him nuts, he came on very stong, would text me and text me again, virtually beg me to go on dating him, etc. Despite everything, there was a side of this guy I liked very much and in the end I just couldn’t say no to him. So, I agreed on another date and this was what happened. I think I knew if I stayed silent, he would text me again after a couple of days, apologizing with a lame excuse that something came up and he wasn’t able to contact me, but we must really-really get together again and I should know that he really wants it, etc, etc. I heard it all before. I knew I would find him hard to resist if he came on that strong again and I just wanted him to stop. I know my way of dealing with the problem wasn’t a good choice, but I think deep down I knew if I send him an angry text, he would not text me again for sure, I know it’s a huge turn off for guys. So, I think I just cut him off, it’s just that I’m usually not like this with people and I felt guilty for acting up.
Raven
So, he stood you up & you’re afraid of looking bad?
alia
I would have done the same thing, don’t feel bad about how you reacted. Your text wasn’t unprovoked or crazy. Everything played out how it was supposed to.
Pamela
Since when should one just shut up every time they get angry? Please, we are human beings with feelings and can not always control our feelings when something like that happens. It was very disrespectful to you and your feelings.
I don’t think the text was rude, maybe if you had left out the “not sexy” part, but other than that you did nothing wrong.
I am sure he read it, and if he has any decency about him at all, then he should feel lousy about it.. So what if he did not respond? at least you cleared your mind.
Do not contact him anymore, and do not apologize that would make it worse.
Nat
Your text was not angry. It was totally ok. Stop seeing him. Casual sex with a douche? what woman would enjoy it?
Cindy
No one said to swallow anger. It’s very good advice not to speak or act out of anger. That means dealing with someone when you’re clearheaded not fueled by emotion that you will probably later regret. Women feel soooooo guilty if they aren’t polite all the time. Don’t feel guilty, no harm done, you don’t need this guy.
lola
It’s your right to be angry , don’t follow stupid rules to not act needy. This is beyond seduction, it’s called respect.
You sent him this text and you were completely right, I would have used a different ton in the message, yours is too nice.Laura
No, I don’t intend to contact him again, so no apologies. It seems I succeeded in cutting him off as he hasn’t contacted me either, which is fine. It needed to be ended somehow after he blew me off for the second time. I’m moving on, thanks for your advice! :)
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