We did not meet outside

He’s a minimum effort guy and he’s not gonna take you seriously if you keep at this , it’s just going to look like old friends kicking it at home

No need to put the horse before the cart by talking about meeting each other’s friends already.

Start going out for real dates outside of each other’s homes. Let him come up with ideas and plans.

Next time you have a date just say something like I think we should try out new things and new places and have some fun activities, we’ve been manning the couches for too long

HI Vivi,
I had the same problem with the guy I am dating at the moment he was always proposing home dates and I said to him that I am not interested in that and I’d rather go out and if this isn’t for him then we’re done.
So since then he has not proposed a single home date yet.
I am not sure if you have spoken to ‘your’ guy about it but I think you need to be firm, if you want him to take you out or do something outside the house just say it.
The fact that he has messaged you after 9 pm asking to come over is not a good sign and I would be thinking the same as you that he is not really after anything serious.

Sorry to be blunt, but this looks bad. Dates in public serve to build trust to let someone into your home/go to his and ultimately land in the bed and you completely skipped that phase. I totally get it that the guy doesn’t bother to go backwards, why would he?

“The reason we did not meet outside first is because of COVID” why did you agree to that?! Even during lockdowns it was clearly communicated if meeting with someone it’s better to do it outside. Instead you using the situation to get to know him from a safe distance, he used it to skip the evaluation phase altogether.
He doesn’t want to meet you for a drink after work one day, but meeting you after 9pm is fine and weekends are also no go? Sorry but this is a botty call territory. It doesn’t sound like he’s worried that you might walk away

The only way to try to salvage this is to stop agreeing to homedates and see if he steps up. But be prepared that he’s not interested in anything serious. For the future, don’t let anyone convince you into homedates too soon if you’re looking for something serious

Stop agreeing to

Thank you all for the valuable feedback. I talked to him, and we agreed we will do more activities outside. We went for a walk yesterday. But he also said he need more time to see how thing goes between us. I think this is quite fair because I also don’t want to rush into things. So I guess in the end it’s not too bad.

Vivi I think you should start preparing yourself for a heartbreak because this guy it seems only agree to meet you outside because you wanted it and he figured to keep you in his loop he might go for a walk.
But I got a feeling the next date will be a home date again

The conversation started from I asked him what are we now? He then said it’s too early to tell and asked me what do I feel? I said it’s hard to tell because we barely only see each other indoor. So we agree to do thing more outside.
I think he is financially stable but just don’t go out to eat often.

His answer sounds reasonable for me because he is not easy to open up, but on the other hand, i am wondering whether this might be an excuse. I got a bad experience before, so I might overthinking about the situation.

You are taking over the man’s role, and that is never ever a good way to start. If the man isn’t putting in his time, money, or a lot of effort to spend a lot of time with you (outside of the sheets) then he’s not interested.

You need to know that men, within a few nanoseconds of meeting you, know if you are someone THEY want chase (get to know better), or not! This man will do ALL THE WORK when they are smitten with a woman; whereas you, as the woman, literally have to do NOTHING, nor say anything other than show up, when you meet that man.

Check out male (giving) and female (receiving) energy. You are operating from “masculine energy” which is one who pursues, gives, protects, etc. which is a huge turn off to men who have the same energy, which he does. You would be better off dating a guy with more feminine energy OR learn how to tap into your feminine energy which is a major turn on for a masculine man.

True Feminine energy doesn’t have the desire to pursue, chase or capture a man’s heart. Nope, she allows the man to pursue, chase, and capture her heart! She doesn’t have to do anything but show up to the date, be herself, and if the man is interested (“smitten”) HE will NATURALLY tell her how he feels without her having to saying a peep :o) You need to be patient, and just listen, watch, and observe him over several dates (outside of the sheets); whereas, if he’s not the one planning a lot of time to spend with you, or opening up by telling you how he feels first, on his own, then you walk away. If its not a HELL YES, then its a HELL NO! Read up on the “HELL YES, or HELL NO” concept, and adopt it in your dating life too.

This is how most of my relationships started btw, by taking on the Feminine role. It works but you need to learn how to balance it or the relationship crashes, which is what happened in my marriage when I allowed my Masculine energy to take over—won’t make that mistake again! Staying in the Feminine role with your partner (appreciate, and respect everything he does which makes them want to keep doing it), and use your Masculine energy at work, is how to strike the right balance for long-term relationship success.