We hit it off, and then he pulled back and ended it and I'm gutted

hi there, I met a guy online a few months ago, and we hit it off, same humour, great at chatting, similar life views and relatively open about what we both were looking for – a partner.

We dated and before the 3rd date we were already planning the 5th date. He was in contact all the time, and if I wasn’t with him, he’d call every night when I was in.

I’ve been single for a while so was far more guarded and wanted to take things at my pace and he was totally cool about that, didn’t rush into sex at all and it was on my terms. I have good gut instinct and really enjoyed what this was and could tell for the most part that he did too. I was not pushy and still had my own life, we both have very busy lives and would talk about our days easily together and have lots of laughs, a lot.

Things started bugging me, but I thought it was too early to pay too much attention to them, but essentially, the closer we got the more I felt him hold me occasionally at arms length and then he would do something lovely to put my mind at rest. I broke my foot in the middle of our dating time and he was incredible, would look after me, cook for me, bake and just try and cheer me up. I felt very comfortable in his house and he would make sure that he gave me a toothbrush etc, quite early on – which seemed sweet, I then did the same.

We spent a few days apart over Easter, he on a boys trip, but he still wrote often and called when he could and we spoke about our excitement to see each other. He even bought me this giant easter egg from france and said it was to make up for his short comings, in that he openly said he struggled to articulate how he felt and I always said there was no pressure from my side.

Anyway, after the trip something changed and work got busy and he got ill, his messages became a little less kind and a little more passive aggressive and I was determined to not react to it in front of him and just carried on doing my own thing and chatting to friends about it. There was one night that he disappeared and had told me he would be with his parents and that his phone wasn’t charging, but the very next day he contacted me straight away and said his phone had been ridiculous, and to be honest I had no reason to doubt him. The messages from him were far more as if we were in a relationship than mine, which at first made me feel good, but then I felt that we hadn’t really discussed anything. When he was ill, I didn’t push seeing him, but said if he wanted company I would be happy to spend time with him as I know what being ill can do and he said he would love me to go around, but when I got there it felt tense occasionally.

Things seemed tense between us so I invited him to a dinner and was going to bring up that I wasn’t enjoying things as much, until he walked into the restaurant with a beaming smile and we ended up having a great night, there were times when things were quiet but both of us seemed to be having fun again which is what I wanted. He spent the night at mine and things felt back to normal, if not even more so and we were all over each other. The next morning I opened up a little about my fears of the night he disappeared and very unemotionally said that exclusivity was something I felt strongly about and he said he didn’t mess about and wasn’t seeing anyone else and didn’t do that sort of thing.

He worked that weekend and again because he was quieter than norma, my gut started to say something wasn’t right again. We were in contact on the Sunday night and he called me and sounded terrible (this is after randomly texting each other) he sounded broken up and said that he was in turmoil over us and wasn’t feeling towards me the way he thought he would. It had been on his mind and he’d been going back and forth unable to figure out what was wrong and he said I was great and that he hadn’t wanted to hurt me, but his heart wasn’t in it.

I handled it very calmly and said if he didn’t feel it there was nothing to discuss and we said out goodbyes and haven’t spoken since. That was 10 days ago. The truth is however that although this was a short and brief romance, I am torn apart by it. I clearly cared deeply for this man and of course I complimented and told him that i liked him, which was reciprocated, but I was always putting my life first, but I feel blind sided and am trying to not make it all about me. The truth is, he wasn’t a great communicator and even though he would apologise for it, it was never pushed at by me. Did he really just not care about me at all, or can feelings change that fast?

I have done NC but miss him dreadfully, he became part of my life and I feel that I am so easily forgotten that he has simply walked away from something, even though he was in contact constantly.

I know this is long and I apologise, but I’m shocked at how hard I am struggling to get over something so short and fleeting and honestly feel like my heart is broken over someone I didn’t really know, but clearly had very strong feelings for? Any insight?