We keep arguing over seeing each other weekends

What does your son say about it? Is your son complaining that he doesn’t spend any time with you? If you son doesn’t care, then you shouldn’t care.

I raised two son’s and by the time they turn 16 they sure as heck don’t want to hang out with their mom unless its taking them somewhere or buying them something they need lol. Nope, they would rather hang out with their friends; play video games with their friends; or go to work if they have a part-time job which a natural process teens go through by gaining their independence. I hardly saw my eldest son, where he would come home to mainly do his homework, reheat dinner, sleep, shower and disappear for a good part of day! On the weekends he mainly hung out with his friends where I often said to him “Nice to see you’re still alive” hahah.

Mom, you have to start letting go of the reins. You have this compelling need to control everyone and trust me on this, its tiring and expends too much needless energy. Bottom line, if your son isn’t complaining about not spending time with you then he’s OK with you not hanging out with him!

As to the BF, he needs to be making some effort here too as relationships are not a one way street. If he is unwilling to come to yours at least every other weekend, then I would dump him because a man who truly wants to be with his woman will travel 500 miles to be with her! However I would approach it differently by telling him you have a household too and need some weekends to get things done you’re unable to get done during the weekend.” Stop using your son as a pawn or reason, as your BF is right, you are treating him like a child not one who is growing into adulthood and preparing him to leave the nest.

Am I wrong in thinking that with minor children, you should not be leaving them alone overnight even if they never speak to you? How is that even on the table?

Totally fine leaving a 16 year old home alone overnight. Even for a weekend. A 16 year ild isn’t a baby and in a lot of places they are even allowed to live by themselves (with the permission of their parents). So thats really not an issue. Having said that i am with Lala on this one. Leaving a 16 year old alone once in a while is one thing ( and most likely very much appreciated) but if it becomes a habit he will feel abandoned. I remember being a teenager and wanting to spend as little time with my parents as possible, yet I still appreciated them being there! Its just a nice feeling to know your parents care and are physically there even if you dont hang out. (if that makes sense) I think your boyfriend is being a tad selfish and probably doesnt quite realise what its like to have kids. Maybe talk to him again and try to reach sime kinda compromise? maybe 3 wknds at yours and one at his a month? or something? Your son is part of you and if this relationship is going to progress he will be part of your bfs life as well and he might want to get used to having him around more if this is supposed to work out.

I’m allowed to have my POV. Its no wonder kids aren’t growing up today and still living with mommy (and/or daddy) at age 30! A 16 year old is almost an adult and need to start learning adult skills, one of which is living alone, especially if they are wanting to head off to college. Having a good neighbor to check in or be available to them is how my husband and I did it when we went away for a weekend and had no issues.

How far away does the BF live? I still think the BF seems very selfish as there are two people in a relationship and although it doesn’t need to be 50/50 there needs to be some balance, especially if there’s still a teenager at home. How far away does he live as that could be a major factor in how often you go to him and vice versa.

I raised two son’s and they were perfectly fine hanging out with friends or doing their own thing without mommy or daddy always being there. My son lived in his own apartment when he went to college and he did fine because I gave him the skills and independence to become an adult before he was an adult.

A teenager will understand if you are not around on occasion for work or sometimes a social reason. But, if you want to be home, set that boundary with your boyfriend. If he doesn’t like it, then he can do something about it. Like you said, he doesn’t have children at home. And yes a 16 year old is still your child and all kids mature differently. I would never recommend you leave your 16 year old, you barely see during the week, on most weekends. Sometimes you don’t know the effects of your parenting until later on and they become husbands/wives and are parents themselves. Continue to follow your instinct with your own child as you know him best. Your boyfriend is a matured adult and he can manage his feelings about this.

He lives about 20 mins away and yesterday I was saying I needed to pop back home see if hes ok and take him food and he was saying this is my weekend I’m staying here. You go if you want but hes not a baby and can look after himself. Hes relationship with his kids is not great he dont bother with them that much and I’ll say to him sometimes let’s have his grandkids ir invite his kids round but he isn’t that interested he likes his time where as I’ve always been close with me boys and although they are old enough I still have that instinct to be home with them or do things like cook for them etc

It should be a red flag to you that he has a poor relationship with his children and grandchildren. It means he’s not capable, and doesn’t value it. That sounds like a major and compatibility and value difference. I would find it very unattractive. Any man who tells you you should not be spending time with a minor child is kind of a jerk, and most likely was a really crappy parent.

As a sixteen year old I was left alone for six months at a time with just my older sister. It had a major impact on my development on top of everything else i had already been through as a child. I think you’re a great mom and you’re doing the right thing. Your son appreciates you being there even if you don’t even pass in the hallway.