Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › We Kissed on the second date and he wanted more
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 9 years, 2 months ago by
Lane.
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Jennifer
Hi Ladies,
Thanks for reading this message and I hope you can give me some advice.
I met this guy online a week ago and we had our first date on Sat. I believe we had a great time as we talked for four hours in the coffee shop of a hotel. When he got back home, he said that we seem to have a lot in common and shame that I got out of the care so fast and didn’t even gave him a chance to kiss me. We met each other on Sunday evening again. He took me to a beach and we sat there for more than 2 hours, the atmosphere was good, we had several moments of silence, and we both asked each other, “what are you thinking?”, his answer was “I was thinking when I can kiss you.” I didn’t say yes or not, but just smiled. He then said, “Perhaps you are not interested in me.” I told him that we have different pace on kissing, but it doesn’t mean I am not interested in him. Eventually we kissed. And after that, we held each other’s hands along the beach until we left.
When he got home, he sent me a message that I should amend my “schedule”, so next time his hands can travel my body. Well, then it’s a bit sexual. But at last, he sent me a voice text saying “I am joking with you.”
Ladies, I am a bit nervous and anxious. From what he said, I think he’s quite like me and he would probably date me again cuz he always mentioned “next time” in our last conversation. But I don’t know if this date is only because he want to have sex with me. He sounds like a player to me, though we do have many things in common, especially on value.
I really don’t want to have sex with a man on the 3rd date. How should I turn him down nicely without ruining the date or further move? Please give me some advise.Many thanks.
Jordan
I’m sorry to say this but it seems as though this guy just wants you for sex. Stand your ground and make it very clear to him that you will not be having sex with him. Don’t let him guilt you or beg you into doing it because he just might. The fact that he wants to have sex so soon is a HUGE red flag. He may disappear on you if you sleep with him. If this is not the type of guy you envisioned yourself with, it may be time to move on to someone else.
Jennifer
Jordan, thanks. I don’t feel very comfortable when things are being too sexual on the second date though I read the articles there that kiss on the 2nd date is ok.. may be I am too conservative…
But having sex is way too soon…and what you mean about he might disappear after he slept with me is also my concern too..jennifer
Girlwhoknows, thanks for your suggestion. Those phrases are definitely the one I could use when I meet him again.
Finger crossed he’s not a player..Jordan
Watch his actions. Always be prepared to walk away if he doesn’t respect your choices.
Khadija
When he got home, he sent me a message that I should amend my “schedule”, so next time his hands can travel my body. Well, then it’s a bit sexual. But at last, he sent me a voice text saying “I am joking with you.”
No, I wouldn’t be seeing this guy again. I’m no prude in any sense of the word but, he was not kidding. He was feeling you out to see what you would say.
Sadly, most of these online men are looking for easy sex. It’s up to you if you want to give him another chance but, if he brings that subject up again then you will for sure know what he wants.
Brittany
In reality he’s a guy and he is sexually attracted to you…that’s a guy nature. Has he does anything to make you think he is after just “sex?” He could be the player but it also seems like you are very bothered by the idea of him wanting to have sex with you or making advances so quickly? I wouldn’t say anything at all because if you do, you could make it sound like that’s all that he is after and that might not be the case.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong with a guy wanting to have sex with a female or making efforts to get laid. The ball is always in the females court and when the males feed you those, bs lines….laugh at the losers and move forward. Don’t ever ruin your chances of a possible good relationship by jumping to quickly and over-analyzing.
Now, if he pushes your boundaries after saying, “No!” He’s a douche, the womanizer type, and please, walk away. Walk away with your head held high and know he didn’t deserve you. What you allow is what will continue.
Khadija
There is nothing wrong with a man expressing his attraction to a woman but, he could have found another way that did not allude to sex.
Guys who typically want a relationship with you don’t throw that out there right away. I find men who want to hook up with you right away will do that. If you’re cool with that so be it but, the OP doesn’t seem okay with that.
Of course guys want to get laid but, there is a BIG difference between a man that eventually wants to sleep with you and one who only wants to sleep with you. In his actions and words will be the way you figure out which one this guy is. I think this guy is only looking for sex. Hopefully I’m wrong.
To the OP give us an update. I’d love to hear how this one turns out.
Shelly
He was not joking with you when he said he wanted to touch your body. Men are physical creatures so that by itself isn’t a red flag, but the fact that he said that after you told him that you have a different pace (and that you wanted to pace even the kissing alone) tells me that he has one thing on his mind with you. Knowing that, I’m not sure if I would go out with him again. But if you still want to, start bringing things up in your regular conversation to let him know that you want to take things very slow and you do not want to jump into a physical relationship until you are in a committed relationship. That right there will definitely scare off a player, but if he still hangs around and is understanding you know that he is willing to wait and honor your wishes.
Lane
Dating is man v. woman. The man is a very sexual creature (see testosterone) and will attempt to conquer a woman with it. A woman however is an emotional creature (see estrogen) and wish to conquer a man emotionally. If you can conquer him emotionally BEFORE he conquers you sexually you win. Its really not WHEN you have sex because a woman can conquer a man emotionally without ever even going on a date (its called a crush), but until you know get to know him on a personal level first you can’t know where his heads at.
Most young men are “time wasters” or “time keepers” so you need to be extra cautious with these ones. Back in my day men were settling down earlier because society not only still demanded it but they had gained enough skills during their youth/teen years that they were able to start their career right out of HS through OJT (on the job training). Not today where men are lagging about 8 years behind so they aren’t even in a relationship/marriage mindset and just killing time.
You need to pace this. Don’t be too available especially through text…keep it short and simple as you need to allow for some mystery and intrigue by making him work for your information and details (goals, aspirations, likes/dislikes) by taking you out on proper dates. Until you’re in a relationship do not do “home dates” keep it public as home dates = sex. If he attempts to engage in “sex talk” or pushing the sexual boundaries just move his hand and/or change the subject and keep his the PDA very light (its that mystery & intrigue thing).
Some guys need to be TAUGHT what its like to date “a lady” as too many girls out there are willing to eager to “give it up” so most guys don’t know how to act so I don’t think he’s a “player” he’s just pushing boundaries to see how quickly you’ll give it up…just push back :-)
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