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mell.
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Tiyanah
I have been hanging out with this guy for about a month and a half and things are going ok so I thought. He seems to like being with me when we are together. He does initiate when he wants to hang out. I am a very observant person. I may not say much but I am observing everything around me. When we hang out he never pressures me for sex at all. He knows I am on a journey of celibacy and I am serious about it. Now this past time we hung out he was acting so different. He was the one to invite me over. He does podcast and I was with him when he was doing one. During the podcast he was constantly on his phone he kept looking at it replying to messages. It was sort of rude because he does “relationship” sessions on his podcast and people can do video chats with him. He still has his phone in his hand while these people are seedling advice from him.
After it was over he left the room about 3 or more times to get to a phone call. I could hear him in the other room on the phone. It was some female that he called baby. I’m like why leave the room. We are not in a relationship so why you being so secretive. He makes himself seem so single and keep inviting me over to spend time with him. He keeps saying he single blah blah blah. So he comes back to the room and I just keep quiet just to see how the rest of our night goes. So we start to watch tv and his phone rings again. Whoever this was was trying so hard to contact him because they kept calling back to back and he was just looking so confused like he didn’t know what was going on. After a few minutes of that person calling he leaves the room yet again and takes his phone. Smh. He tells me to find something for is to watch while he “uses the bathroom” smh. So he comes back minutes later phone in hand. Just taking mental notes I’m just watching tv. I notice his phone is on the nightstand next to us. I am sitting right by him so I see it. And again his phone rings rings and gets numerous notifications. In my head I’m like annoyed. I was about to reach for the chips that were on that same nightstand and I notice this man has put a cup of unopened applesauce on top of his phone. Lmao I’m guessing so I wouldn’t see the notification or who’s calling I am a upfront person and have zero to hide. He claimed to be the same but all I see his secrets with him. He says he very transparent but I don’t see that. If I am just hanging out to with you and getting to know you why are you hiding. I never have the impression to be the only female you talk to but this being secretive showing me a different side of him. It’s the way he is going about it. Like why invite me over is this is what you are going to do. He knew sex was wayyyy out the picture so I don’t get it at all….Keep it all the way real with me. I’m a open book. If I’m interested in you I will say it. I don’t talk to multiple guys and when my phone rings round him I answer it if he is not on his live podcast. I don’t mind it because I have nothing to hide. No matter who is calling me I have no problem answering it in front of him. The sitting the cup of applesauce on his phone screen was funny to me all I could do was shake my head. I was not even looking at his phone at all. I wanted the chips that were on the same nightstand as his phone.cupcake
Ok first off i understand why you would be annoyed about the calls and texts while you were hanging out. That’s just plain rude for anyone to do and i would have given him a bollocking for that.
But everything else i find very strange on your part. This isn’t someone you are dating. You are literally just hanging out ( no sex, no making out etc right?). So you are essentially his buddy. So why does he need to disclose his private life or romantic interests to you. Why are you so invested who he is seeing.
You ask “Why would he leave the room when answering a call?” . Well for privacy obviously. Pretty common thing to do.
“Why did he invite me over when he knew sex was off the table?”. Well because he sees you as a friend and thats what friends do…they hang out.You act like a jealous and controlling girlfriend, but you aren’t even someone he is dating (at least thats what i am getting from your post).
So well yeah im not sure what your question is or if you have a question? But yes this was a very weird situation
T
Yes sorry I forgot to mention he had told me that he is interested in me. He likes being around me and is interested.
cupcake
Interested in a relationship?
Honestly in that case i would have found his behaviour even more rude. Not necessarily weird, but simply rude and a turn off. I most likely wouldn’t want to meet up with him again. Not because he is being “secretive” or seeing other people and not telling me, but because it is extremely rude to be on a date (or even hang out) with someone and not give them your whole attention. Especially when you are pursuing that person for a relationship.
But i am still not sure what your question actually is?OT: Just a little thing: Could you make sure you are always using the same name when you post. It gets confusing otherwise, especially on threads with lots of responses 😉
mell
Yeah, @cupcake, I read the post as OP and the guy not being officually exclusive, but hanging out in a dating sense.
You’re right, T, it’s rude that he answers a ton of phone calls when you hang out. A quick message back and an ‘I’ll call you later’ is fine. It used to bug me when even friends would sit there for hours messaging other people when we’d made plans to hang out for a couple of hours.
And yeah, it’s rude for a man to be answering messages or calls from another woman in front of you, even if you’re not exclusive. It’s one thing to be trying how you fit with a few people, but that doesn’t have to mean grinding it in their face that they aren’t the one. When you’re with someone, exclusive or not, the focus should be on you.
And yeah, you’re actually probably worried about something else. If he’s calling that ther woman ‘baby’, then she’s not some other girl he’s met a couple of times, like you – could she be an actual girlfriend? Because no girl he’s been out with twice is going to call 100 times. Unless he has a lot of women on the go. That’s what ‘d be worried about.
But you know, if ypu’re interested in him, it’s OK to hope you guys might become exclusive. I’m worried you’re trying to play the ‘cool girl’ here. You have a right to be treated with respect and feel like you’re a priority in his life – whether it’s date 1 or 20. Even if you’re not exclusive, it’s not normal for someone to grind all their side chicks in your face.
But it sounds like what you really need to do is talk to him. You can say that you noticed he took a lot of phone calls. Firstly to say that you’d prefer that he doesn’t take a bunch of them whilst he’s with you, and secondly to ask if there’s something you should know. I.e. tell him that you know you’re not exclusive, but you want to make sure you’re on the same page, and you’d like reassurance that there isn’t a GF in the picture. And if you hope for a relationship, be honest about that.
Stacey
Hey hun. This really sucks that that happened. Glad sex was off the table for you guys so that is good. He may enjoy your company honestly. If I’m not interested in someone there would be no need for me to constantly want to be around them. He has said he was interested all ready. But now what you are experiencing is the type of man he is. He is a sneaky man and dishonest. Granted y’all are not exclusive but it’s a respect factor here. If I have a guy over exclusive or not I’m not going to keep leaving him alone to take a call. I think it’s rude. He only showed you he has something to hide. You may not care who he talks to but I guarantee the person he is calling baby and the person who was calling back to back does. If they knew he was entertaining you at that moment they would flip.
You said he does relationship podcasts. Wow now this is sort of hypercritical if you ask me. Honesty is a must in anything. If this was vice versa I bet he would be upset. Like I said before even if you two weren’t exclusive he still owes you respect. You came to him you are giving him some time. We don’t get time back. I mean damn could he not have just waited till you left to call all his women. Smh. I bet the one he called baby and the other who kept calling are not the same people. The ones he texts. I bet they are not all the same ones. Now the applesauce thing made me laugh too like how obvious can you be on hiding stuff. I rather him had his phone facedown. Lol. That would have made me laugh too. He has stuff to hide hun. He just entertains you until the other ones are available to him. It seems he is the type of guy who is into the quantity or women and not quality. I say just leave him alone and have someone better and more honest. Exclusive or not that crap is rude as hell. You said it happened multiple of times too.Julie
I am living with a man I am crazy in love with… from thebeginning he said he cant love another woman and one he is whatsup conversaion for years is the love of his life… but he will do small things and say things that makes me feel he has feelings. he introduced me to his mother as his gf. But I miss warm hugs kisses and good sex
mell
Julie, he is leading you on. I’m afraid you’re probably reading far too much into his comments because you like him.
You live with him. Flatmate, I take it? So you can potentially spend a lot of time together, and if he wanted to kiss you or sleep with you, he could. Even if he didn’t want a relationship, he’d be free to suggest FWB. If he has made no moves on you, then it’s pointless.
It doesn’t matter even if he is attracted to you – romantic and sexual feelings are a spectrum – from vaguely mild attraction to fierce love. He’s showing you through his actions that whatever feelings he may have for you aren’t enough for him to do anything about them – not even a quick one-night-stand. He probably does not, to any meaningful degree, reciprocate your feelings.
Maybe he’s only introducing you to his mother to stop her from harassing him about why he’s single. The point is, if he can’t tell YOU that you are his girlfriend, then it’s meaningless.
He tells you he can’t be with anyone else apart from that woman; this shows he’s not ready or interested to date you. Sure, it’s silly that he is stuck as some woman’s whatsapp partner. I think his situation is silly, but that’s beside the point. Now, you have a choice: do you want to be stuck as his flatmate pining over him, or move on?
If you want kisses and sex, go out there and get yourself a man who wants you back. And move out of this guy’s place so you can move on.
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