What did I just do?!!!! :(

Good morning..aah the old i tell you what I’ve done now tell me what you’ve done. No No No! Never have this exchange. My boyfriend tried this when we first met. He told me some crazy story about being with 4 women in one night. I honestly didnt have a crazy story so i said, when i know you better, maybe I’ll tell you some stuff. He never brought it up again. Most guys can’t handle the same info they want to dish out.

Totally agree with Ms. Winterborn and Lane!! You NEVER have this conversation with a guy you are wanting to be in a long term relationship with! Like Lane I made the same mistake in my younger days. Told my ex husband because he asked when we were first married. He was friends with the ex boyfriend who I shared my sexual experiences with and he would never drop it, constantly brought it up, and could no longer be around the guy thinking of me with him. This went on for 25 YEARS! He could never get it out of his head.

And I do think if shared early in the dating process it can turn a guy off. It’s like my husband says… I know you had a life before me (I have 3 kids) but in my mind I’m the only guy you’ve been with and we’re going to leave it at that!! He’s smart because he’s learned from experience you just really don’t want to know the answers to those questions!!

My go to when a guy starts asking these questions was ” I don’t kiss and tell!”

OMG, you almost had one and he is this ticked off???? I THINK THIS IS A RED FLAG and do not agree with the others. I mean I suppose that it is not helpful to have these conversations – as in, they don’t add much, so better to not have them. BUT for him to respond this way should be considered a problem. HIS PROBLEM. AND A RED FLAG.

I have not found that most men can’t handle the past, only ones who have not settled their past or are unhealthy emotionally.

Honestly, and almost threesome should be an entertaining story. But just as he is rethinking you, you should rethink if this man has what it takes for a real relationship. Most men do not have this strong of a reaction as to pull back. HE SHOULD GROW THE F UP. Seriously.

Thank you all for your responses. I agree with all of you that some things should be kept private. I just thought honesty was what he wanted since from the beginning we were being so open to each other and he had made it clear to never lie or cheat and all that. I mean he told me about all of his and some were hard to digest but it was his past I just listened.

We are still in somewhat communication though, and from what I’ve gathered is that, since he has been in these “experiments” himself, he says he knows how a guy thinks. And he wouldn’t want to be in public with me and the guy I’ve had the almost threesome with walks by and sees us and then would think “there’sthe girl that me and another dude almost screwed” like at this point I realize it’s a pride thing. His ego is strong.

He also said that there was someone else that wanted to try with him, but he chose me and now I’ve left all that in his head. I told him to be logical, I haven’t done anything wrong to him. He says he liked me a lot, still do and he wants to forget that thing. I said me too. And he told me he will at some point. So I told him that I want him to be happy with me. And if it doesn’t look like he will be, then I will accept the way he feels.

I’ve left it at that. I’m thinking of just giving him his space completely because somehow I feel like he just needs time. Is that a good thing to give space like complete silence? If he text I respond or keep silent?

Any thoughts or advice I will be eternally grateful! Thank you.

It’s time to take out the trash & do not let it (him) back in the house…

The bit that bothers me most is him saying he will forgive you at some point, as if he’s expecting you to spend a period of time putting up with his judgemental attitude and sulking as punishment. I think he’s manipulative and if you stay with him you’ll find yourself constantly trying to convince him you’re worthy of him. I’d say to him that if your past is that big a deal you’re obviously not compatible, goodbye.

He is being a hypocrite I agree, and a s*xist if I might add.

And there’s more, when I left it off at what I said, he told me he misses me and he misses me here with him. And if it’s okay if he comes get me. I said sure. He picked me up and we went to talk at his place (we dont live far from each other) he stared at me and told me he’s so angry, he feels like I’ve cheated on him. He doesn’t want to think the way he does but he cant control the thought. He even told me he asked a FEMALE friend of his about this situation and what she thinks of it and he said that the girl agrees with him and that further assured him that the problem is not him. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!! I kept my mouth shut felt tears coming, he looked at me, and caressed my face then he said I’m so beautiful though and his heart is all the way yes towards me but his mind is confused.

I only sat there and listened. He was falling asleep so I let him sleep and slept beside him fully clothed and he took me home in the morning around 8am. I had got him a small gift for Christmas and I left it on his dresser because at this point I’m not even hopeful about meeting him again.

I am listening to all the flags you guys are pointing out to me and I somewhat agree. Somewhat because he’s never made me feel unsafe before about any other thing we didn’t agree on but this situation surely speaks volume. I understand that this is all on him, I wont be able to fight this and I’m going to stop lifting any fingers. If he cant accept me for what I am, and would rather make a hurricane out of a passing shower, I guess it wont work out on other things either.

Tell him to jump off a cliff!

Women? why do some of you handover undeserving powers to these abusive losers?!!

This is the purest form of emotional abuse…he got you all frazzled for something you didn’t even do. “his ego is strong” – puleeze!!! NO, he’s an abuser.

He’s an ill wind…

Sounds like a lame excuse to dump you.

If he feels like you cheated him over this, imagine if you actually did something – like talk to a man, talk about a man, look at a man, think about a man, imagine there are men. I know this hurts now, but thank god he is gone. Seriously. Gross.

And what a drama queen. Double gross. And his friends are gross too.

Yeah, the more you tell us, the worse it gets, OP…..

He’s punishing you for something you didn’t do. He’s punishing you for being open and honest about your past. He’s hypocritical because he’s done everything in the book but is upset that you ALMOST did something. You say he’s “angry” and feels like you “almost cheated on him”– WTF, NOTHING HAPPENED and even if it had, it was before you knew him anyway! So how can that be construed as cheating?! Then he’s manipulating you by talking about some other woman he could be dating, and telling you that he talked to his female friend about you and how you basically don’t measure up to her (because she agrees with him and not you).

You said he hasn’t hit you or made you feel unsafe, but you’re only 10 weeks in. I was in an abusive relationship years ago (physical and emotionally abusive), and abusers don’t start out hitting you. First they work on chipping away your self esteem. They do exactly what this guy is doing. Punishing you, making you feel like you need forgiveness, being hypocritical, being irrational (the whole “cheating” thing is completely irrational), comparing you to other women. All of this is to make you feel like you need to make it up to him, and makes you question your own reality. Objectively you KNOW you didn’t do anything wrong but you are posting here because this guy has you all frazzled and questioning your own sanity. The physical abuse only starts once the abuser feels he’s got you well entangled in his trap and won’t leave if he hits you because he knows what buttons he can push to make you stay with him.

Honestly I think the best thing you can do is stay far away from this guy. Please stop seeing him. You’re only 10 weeks in, so not super invested. I wouldn’t be surprised if you broke up with him and he became very contrite and begged your forgiveness and promised he’d change….that’s how abusers work. If that happens please block him and stay away. Trust me when I say no emotionally healthy guy would be making such a huge issue out of something you didn’t even do.

He’s a jerk, all you did was entertain something “different” and he is judging you for that? That’s a guy who will never have a great sex life with partners. You should be able to be open about your sexual wants with a guy and he basically is making you pay….

I’d never speak to him again- let him go find someone new to repress.