What did I just do?!!!! :(

If there were “certain things” that were dealbreakers for either of you then it should have been addressed from the start. Like your current health, why your last relationship ended, things like that.

Discussing prior sexual experiences and the nitty gritty of it after 10 weeks in was a huge mistake.

You see the fallout from it so stop talking about it or you can kiss your budding relationship goodbye.

If it’s something you feel you both want to discuss down the road, when your relationship is more stable, then cross that bridge when it comes.

You have to take each other’s comfort levels into account.

You both can ask questions while remaining mindful of whether or not the other is comfortable sharing and whether it’s something you’d benefit from knowing.

Way to ignore the glaring red flags….

Asked you questions and punished you for what he heard. Check.

Got validation from outside party to triangulate he was right. Check.

Upset about something that did not even happen. Check.

Overly emotional about something that did not even happen. Check.

Come back and you are in bliss because you had sex twice. Gross.

Please save us all the drama on this one and I really hope he never abuses you (hopefully only emotionally) because the signs are there.

Yuck. This ends poorly. Please understand why you think this is a good outcome and you are not glad he is gone.

Yup, what they said…

Yeah I kinda figured this would happen. He’s seen you were pulling away, so he’s come back strong and is laying it on super thick.

Been there, done that. It worked the same way in my abusive relationship. It happened many times: we had a fight/problem/issue that was based in his irrationality, his need to control, his manipulation. I threatened to leave, or started to distance myself from his toxicity. He would “make it up to me”, apologize, bring me flowers. We’d have passionate sex. We’d go out in public and he was so sweet, so solicitous, so affectionate, that other girls we knew would make comments to me on the side about how lucky I was to have found this guy. They didn’t know the truth. In my situation the relationship deteriorated, I suffered not only emotional/mental but physical abuse as well.

I think you will find the pattern will repeat itself if you stay with this guy. You’ll give him some innocent piece of information, or tell him something that seems harmless. He will react in a totally irrational, punishing way, berate you, and confuse the hell out of you. Which is exactly what this guy did.

Anon is one thousand percent correct: “Normal people let stuff go. They either laugh off your overshare or if it bothers them, they move on to someone new. Manipulators bank the information and use it to abuse and manipulate you.” Please take care of yourself. Don’t let this guy snow you over with sex and sweet words.

You just got hoovered

Please understand what all of the others have said… this is a pattern

Everyone please calm down.

I was mostly enjoying that weekend for myself, I didn’t have any solid plans with anyone so what the heck! I haven’t forgotten anything you guys pointed out. I’m only observing and I have already made myself aware that anything can happen. Every action I took, is my responsibility.

One thing though, he did not discuss me with his friends, he discussed the situation without mentioning it was me. I know this because the pride thing works here as well, he’ll never let his friends know who he is speaking of, if he did in fact talk about that topic anyway.

I’m looking at it this way, he needed time to digest. 1 week is fairly okay. During that week, he still spoke to me, didn’t cuss me out, didn’t shut down, he told me what was going on even though it felt insulting to know, he didn’t just ghost me then come back. I would actually feel more hurt if he walked away because that will just mean he never felt strongly about me to even be able to overlook something so silly that he was “uncomfortable” with for whatever reason.

Anyway, I do not know everything, but it feels sincere. I’m just mostly observing but everything feels like it was before this topic came up. Trust me, the wisdom that I gathered from everyone here has put me on alert. I’m not diving in, just happy we have resumed as normal. The getting to know him is still on going, I’ve known him for only 11 weeks now let’s not forget. This might not work out for an entire different reason or for the same reason. Who knows! And I do not feel dependent on him at all because I can distance myself pretty well and be fine. And me being single for a whole year was by choice because I previously was in a 4 year relationship. I needed that time on my own which made me independent.

Anywho, let me just give him the benefit of the doubt here. Hope he uses it well. I will come back and update just to help anyone else going through this someday that would be interested to know how this story ends or progress.

Wow people are still talking about this? I find it interesting because I’m going through something similar where I can’t get a darn *image* out of mind and it was so bad that I was ready to fire an employee over it!

My manager recently hired a guy to fill a role I needed filled. He’s really nice, a good worker and all BUT he has one of those plumber butt crack problems! Seriously, his pants kept drooping exposing a really ugly big ole butt that made me cringe when I first saw it and apparently had the same effect on a couple customers who brought it up to a my other employee’s attention as well. I discussed it with my manager where I told her if I saw it again I was going to “lose my sh!t!”

The image was finally getting out of my head, until last Saturday when it happened again and guess what I did? Yup, I lost my sh!t!!! I told him in no uncertain terms that if I see his ASS CRACK ever again I’m going to fire him on the spot.

You all may think this is trivial or stupid but its not when a person has to deal with a very undesirable IMAGE that doesn’t just *go away* and keep popping up where you relive it even when you aren’t seeing it. I don’t know why this particular image is plaguing me so much or why it had become seared in my mind the way it has as quite a few customers have the same issue but it doesn’t or hasn’t affected me like his has for some odd reason that I myself can’t explain.

I’m just trying to let it go and as long as I don’t see it again I don’t believe it will be a long-term issue because like I said he’s a nice guy, a good worker, he just has a big ugly ass haha!

lol relaxy. I hope that image doesn’t stick with you too long :o)

I’m amazed at the burning need to always be right…
*shakes head*

I’ve been you Megan. Let’s just say I was you for 6 years. I dated and married a narcissist! This reeks of an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist. He is textbook. And you excuse every ounce of his behavior and “hope for the best” like I did. Mine did those exact things time and time again. It took way too long to realize it for it was and get out. I ignored all of the good advice my friends, family and even strangers had, just like you are doing. I regret it immensely. I could have saved myself many years and many tears had I walked away with the first red flag and advice to do so. I hope it works out for you, but I can almost guarantee it won’t. Good luck…