What do I do in this situation? Please help!

Hi Melissa
Your post is a bit contradictory you say you have a “situanship” for almost a year but your exclusive and serious. That to me sounds like a relationship so what is missing the title because he doesn’t want it or you don’t or mutual? It appears you really like him and unfortunately because of your “situanship” you don’t know how to be there for him during this time. That being said I see two things here you should consider. 1. Determine why it has been a year and you are still not in a truly committed relationship and is this what you really want? 2. His father died which is extremely hard and unfortunately all you can do is tell him you are there for him when he needs a shoulder or support. Then maybe reach out in another week to see how he is. People handle death differently so you will see how he handles this and whether or not he wants you to be a part of it.
Right now you can only be there as a caring and concerned friend since its a difficult time and there isn’t much you can do.

You can Google grieve and men for clues how to help. As they grieve quite different than most women. For instance hold it all back in instead of talking about it. If you are really the person to make him ok, is hard to judge. Youre probably close friends by now, but the fact you two sleep together may actually get in the way. Its possible he doesnt want to cross the lines in having an emotional connection to avoid blurring lines.
No matter what the status is, you can always ask if he wants you to attend the funeral. Its just a bit more complicated now to do so, depending on covid regulations. When my mom died, i went through the motions. But then my 6 best friends showed up for the funeral for me and that meant the world to me. To see faces that were there for me. To these days i still go to funerals of fathers, brothers, mothers of friends.
It is selfish to make this about you and him. If the death of his father means a stop then there was not much to begin with. Im sorry to say. It is difficult to be a fwb and now you realize the downside of it. You have no real footing or status. And im not going to scold for that. But if you now realize youre in deeper than expected and wanting more, then act on those feelings. Not now, thats cruel but later on. Because there are many excuses for not being ready but in general it means not with him/you. I cant tell if youre the one holding back or wanting more but if its the last its more productive to wish him well and to go find you when he is ready. That last part is not what you asked advice about but i do think it matters to the whole picture

I was really hesitant to write about our status because I knew I was going to get responses like these. We are definitely not friends with benefits. I know that for a fact. He himself is the one who has used the word relationship as something we are working towards. I definitely do want more, but just not right now. I would say that it is a mutual agreement.
Additionally, the way we do things in our religion is a little different. Instead of a funeral, we attend a prayer and I did go to that. I didn’t see him there because there were a lot of people and I left right away because my intention wasn’t to go see him and talk to him but rather to just pay my respects. I sent a text later that day and ended it at that. He reached out saying thank you and he appreciates me being there to which I have not replied yet because I don’t know if I should give him a bit more space and time.

Friends with benefits at least for me is not meant demeaning. It describes a situation. And whatever the name, its always a big grey area in there. If you feel its right and he is working towards a relationship, you have nothing to worry about except worry if you will be ready. Why would the death of his father get in the way in that case? Except that he will need to grieve on his own terms. The best you can do with people grieving is tell them you are there for them and check up on them now and then to see how they are. And if he is ready he will contact you.

I think you’ve done enough, he knows how to reach you when he wants to. These are the grey areas when you haven’t defined the relationship as gf and bf. I remember getting in the relationship with my bf and how he introduced me let me know what he thought we were- he would say, this is my friend- Jen- and now it’s- this is my girlfriend. I never said much about it because we were progressing in the relationship in other ways, but it was telling to me where he thought we were. My bf father also died about 5 months ago and he struggled to tell me until he was in the hospital and it was evident he was really sick. I think he had to process his emotions first. Communication with him may have changed very slightly, but I still saw him and talked with him regularly.

I understand people grieve differently but I would expect the man, irregardless of title, to naturally lean on the person they are sharing a good part of their life with. You speak of a different tradition which could be why, nor do I know the extent of the closeness he has with his “family unit.” Those are the ones they often lean the most on during this time, and do so in order to console and help them through their grief.

Without knowing the family dynamics or how they mourn it’s difficult to know. What I would do is to be there when he’s ready to be there. Knowing he can trust you to be there and support him I. The way he needs to be supports during the ‘tough times’ without judgement is best way to strengthen a bond.

Ss,

I haven’t responded saying that just cause I’ve already told him I’m here so I feel like he knows. I just wanted to give him his space for now and maybe in a week or two ask him how he’s been when’s he’s had more time to grieve on his own. Idk, maybe I am going the wrong way about it I just don’t want to bombard him with the same texts tons of people are already sending him.

Ss,

What do you think a proper response should be so it doesn’t seem like I’m pressuring for a conversation?