Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › What do I do in this situation? Please help! – UPDATE
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Melissa
So after taking everyone’s advice into account, I decided to respond to his text. All I said was “no worries, I know this is rough, here for whatever u need. How have u been?” (Thanks Ss). He replied with “I’ve been ok, just trying to pick up where he left off.” For clarification, he is the eldest son in the family so he has a lot of responsibility now. What should I respond to this? I was thinking maybe “that sounds like a lot of pressure on u, how are u doing with that?” I was going to say something like oh you’ll do great but I don’t want it to seem like I’m offering advice where’s it’s not asked for. What is the right thing to say, any suggestions appreciated. Sorry I keep asking so many questions, I just want to be there for him in the best way possible. Thanks guys.
Zoe
He didnt ask you anything,
Dont replyAnon
He responded with something that didn’t ask how you’re doing or anything to encourage the conversation. I agree, leave it and don’t respond back. You would like to talk with him, but he’s consumed with this. Let him deal with his feelings, family. This has got to be so difficult for him.
jarcom
I don’t think i would like him to associate me with the difficult time he is going through now. I wouldn’t dig on it, i would just send something positive if something at all. I would give him some space and then text something like “it’s such a beautiful day outside, I am thinking of you, i hope you can have some time to enjoy it too”
I like being a bit instinctive, there are too many rules imposed in dating and not everyone is the same and not every man can be put in the same bag. If i can’t be myself with someone, then i rather be alone.
The situation is complicated for him and it sounds to me like you used to spend a lot of time together and now you fell the emptiness because he is focused on something else. I think it’s time for you to pick up a new hobby or something and use this time to enrich yourself. At least that’s what i would do
Newbie
I adviced you to Google guys and grieve. In not sure if you did that, but if you did you would know jarcom is 100% right. Guys dont process by talking, but by getting over it. For example when my bf’s dog died (and that dog was his true love) he was heartbroken. So i did what you did, say i would be there for him. He said he couldnt talk about it, without tearing up, so he didnt want to. So i didnt. The next day he did start to talk about the cremation and we held a ceremony. Just in a moment i said, why dont you pick a movie we can watch tomorrow as a distraction. He picked one in a minute. Thats what he wanted. A distraction.
And for the rest: stop sending strategic put up texts. He doesnt they are, thankfully for you, but it makes you look youre playing games to become what you are not: the person he goes to to mourn. You cant forge that. Trust the bond you have or revise it if it turned out not what you thought it was. Nothing beats authentic from your heart messagesNewbie
* he doesnt know they are pulled together strategic
Liz Lemon
I read your other thread as well as this one & I think you’ve received really good advice. At this point you just need to give him space. I know you miss him & want him to lean on you as he grieves, but like Newbie said, you can’t force that kind of thing. And you do come across as trying to strategically plan messages to provoke a response from him (also a point Newbie made), I know you don’t mean to, but it comes off as forced. If you have to post 2 threads to ask what to say, then don’t say anything, just give him space for now. Reading up on men & grief is a good idea too.
Jarcom also gave excellent advice about taking a step back and busying yourself with other aspects of your life for now. My father also died rather suddenly (years ago, I was not with my current bf) and it is consuming, like Anon said. He will come to you when he’s ready. Poking him to remind him you’re there isn’t going to help him.
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