Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What do you make of this?
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tammy.
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Lilypad
I’ve (23F) been with this guy (28) for about 1.5 months. There have been little things that he has been saying casually or in a joking manner which sort of worried me but I’m not sure if they are “red flags”.
1) He asked about my income and savings a few of times and each time I refused to tell him the details because it’s irrelevant to me. He also (in a joking manner) asked me to cover more than half of bills that we may have ie dates as I earn more than he does. He has never disclosed to me how much he makes. I don’t really care either.
2) After I agreed to be in a committed relationship, the outings to dinner and movies kind of stopped. We went out of town for a little weekend holiday but that was the most exciting thing we’ve done together since being together. I mentioned to him that maybe we need to be more romantic. Dinners and movies out, dating ect. Otherwise we’re stuck in a routine of just cooking dinner at his place everytime we see each other. He said something along the lines of ” I got you now, I can relax”. Also said in a casual and joking tone of voice. Despite the fact that I am happy to split bills and he knows that.
3) I don’t mean to sound like a spoiled princess, but during the time that I’ve been with him, there were no little gifts such as flowers that you might expect in early “honeymoon” stages of a relationship. I don’t expect expensive gifts but it’s nice when you’re being treated occasionally and you treat them back.
4) he expects me to tell my friends that he is my bf but wouldn’t tell his friends or family about me. He was keen to meet my family early on and he has met them. A couple of times that we bumped into his friends, he wouldn’t introduce me at all. I was just like on a sideline.
5) On the topic of gifts and dates out, from early days I noticed that he would recieve parcels from online shopping almost every week, but would tell me how he is struggling to budget and maybe how I should pay more than him.I didn’t bring up the financial and gifts part of this rant because I don’t want him to think that that’s all I want. But I just feel like I’m not dating a boyfriend but rather a friend. I can buy s*** for myself, that’s not a problem, but being in a relationship, I do have a desire to be treated to these things occasionally without having to ask.
I have feelings for him but I am also trying to process the situation as objectively as possible because if that’s how it’s going to continue to be, I can’t see a potential future with him. Or am I being too harsh?
Any advice or perspective would really helpJaime
These would all be red flags in my book. He seems to ask you to invest a lot in this relationship but doesn’t do/offer anything himself.
I’d say trust your instincts. Trust your needs and desires in a relationship. He obviously isn’t meeting them and will lead you down a road of financial grief. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders and see that there are quite a few things that aren’t “adding up”.
Ewa
I agree those are red flags, the fact that he has not introduce you to his friends is a big one.
how often do you see each other ? is there a possibility he might be seeing someone else and spending his money on that person instead?Lujin
These are all red flags sis :( discuss the issue with him and how he responds will honsetly let you know what to do ❤️
T from NY
Nah. He wouldn’t be my bf acting like that
Newbie
I think In these cases you need to play the movie to the end. Is this the kind of partner or father for your kids you want? He is a lazy dud and shady when it comes to how he feels for you. If you make good money already then there is no reason to spend it on a future dead beat dad. I think its good you recognized these red flags so soon already. Now all you have to do is act on it
Anderson
“I just feel like I’m not dating a boyfriend but rather a friend”
Forget friend, even some colleagues treat each other better and exchange small gifts or food. I understand not everyone is innately into gift giving and flowers etc but the honeymoon phase makes you do those things for the other without even thinking/forcing yourself. As if on auto-pilot. His “I have you now. I can relax” would’ve been top-level banter had he followed it up with a surprise date/present. A shame
Your instincts are on point. He seems to belong to this strange and inexplicable trend/category of males I’ve noticed lately who are either moochers or very selfish with their money. Out of curiosity, what made you develop feelings for him?
mama
I think 1 and 4 are red flags. The rest just implies it’s not the best match for you.
You don’t see a potential future with him — that’s not being too harsh at all. That’s just you seeing how this guy doesn’t fit well with what you want. That’s okay! He’s showing you who he is and you don’t like it. Move on dear. :)
tammy
lose him.. not bf material sis
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