Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What does he mean his not ready?
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tammy.
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Trixie
I really don’t understand men.
I started seeing this guy through mutual friends. He reached out and we started talking. He told me his ready for a relationship and just been waiting for the right girl to enter his life. At that time I was not ready and told him I’m not sure about getting into a relationship yet, he said it’s ok just take your time.
A few months later he ask me if I was ready for a bf, I said I think I am now, I asked him if his ready for a gf and he said no don’t think so. What is that even mean? We been talking since that conversation but I just can’t stop thinking about that statement, like what does it mean for me?
Maddie
It probably means he likes how things have been without labels so doesn’t want it to change, and if you’re looking for a serious relationship you’re wasting your time.
Trixie
I just don’t understand. I thought we were both looking for someone we can be in a relationship with. I wasn’t ready at the time but I am now, he was ready at the time but now his not? Did he just change his mind just like that or does it mean his not interested in me that way? But he still constantly talking to me.
I don’t know what I should do. I like him and I want us to be more official soon, but it doesn’t seem like he want to.
tammy
he has told you he is not interested in a relationship just like you said some time back. maybe the timing is off or maybe he has changed his mind abt being in a relationship with you. whatever the reason, nothing much you can do when the guy says no. stop wasting your time and move on if you want to be in a relationship.
Liz Lemon
I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t “the right girl” for him. He said he’s open to a relationship with the right person. You are not it.
Guys need several months of dating to decide if they want to be with a woman long term. If you read this forum you’ll see a lot of posts from women who’ve been dating a guy for a few months (say 3-4 on average), & the guy suddenly decides he doesn’t want a relationship. That’s how guys fall in love. It takes them time to decide. In the meantime you date and he can be really sweet and seem very into you, but you don’t really know whether he will invest in a long term relationship until a few months have passed.
There’s nothing you can do to force a guy to be official if he doesn’t want to. So in this case unfortunately you have to accept what he’s saying and move on, if you want a relationship.
Liz Lemon
As for him “still constantly talking” to you– I’m sure he enjoys your company and attention. He’ll probably happily continue to date you casually/without labels if you let him. He just doesn’t feel strongly enough to commit. That’s up to you to decide.
Trixie
I’m starting to really like him so I’m finding it’s really hard to just walk away now. I want to wait it out but also scare that nothing will come of it. His been really sweet and thoughtful with taking me out, his a very kind and caring person as well to his friends and family. But at the same time I feel a distance with him because I don’t feel like he prioritise me. Im scare that if I let go of this great guy I won’t be able to find someone like him again. I just feel very conflicted.
tammy
hes not interested and hes showing by his actions that hes not interested. but you like him. you can wait for him. u can pursue him. upto you. who knows maybe he may change his mind? or he may get irritated and tell you that hes not interested. or just block you. anything can happen. but usually when we realise its one sided we walk away. choice is yours. all the best.
Erin
He’s open to a relationship, but just not with you. It’s cold but it happens that someone is looking for a relationship, it doesn’t mean they want it with you
He won’t give you what you want. There is no point in waiting for someone to make up their mind about you. You have a life, start living it.
Start seeing other guys.
As the quite goes
“I don’t know” means “NO!”
“I don’t know” means “I’m too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can’t deal with confrontation.”
“I don’t know” means please do the dirty work for me because I don’t want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.”Trixie
So last week he said he couldn’t wait to see me on the weekend but I remind him that he got family stuff on that weekend. He said he probably wanted to see me more then his family that’s why he forgot about the family gathering. I was really happy to hear that, we made plan to see each other after work this week instead. But then he call up and said his tired so let just cancel the date this week. I was really upset, what happen to can’t wait to see me. He didn’t even plan a replacement date, just left it as that and started talking about other stuff.
Somehow I feel really upset about this, even though he doesn’t think I should. Then he said he was in light of seeing me again but for me to be upset it’s not right. Then he was being sarcastic and said maybe he won’t bother planning date since it can upset me. He said all that knowing I’m upset.
I think you’re right, his not that interested in me or else he wouldn’t of say those stuff knowing how upset I was. I stop talking to him now. I just need some time to find the courage to walk away completely. Men are so confusing, I feel really hurt right now by everything that happened. Feel like maybe I shouldn’t of just said ok when he canceled the plan instead of having all these drama.
Ewa
men are not confusing, he can be open to a relationship but not with you and don’t take it personally.
I think what happened here is that he got to know you bit better and decided it is not for him or maybe he wasn’t looking for a relationship at all and just said it so you could fall for him and since you said you weren’t looking for one he was ok with dating you…Liz Lemon
As we’ve all been saying– he’s not that into you. If he were into you, he’d be eager to see you. He wouldn’t be “too tired” or if he were, he would immediately reschedule.
There is nothing confusing about this. The guy is showing you loud and clear that he isn’t that interested in you. After several months of dating, he should be escalating things (seeing you more, getting more serious about you), but instead this guy is slowing it down. And to top it off, he’s sarcastic with you about being upset about him cancelling the date. This is not a guy who cares about your feelings.
Don’t listen to what he says (that he’s looking forward to seeing you, etc….), look at what he does. Actions speak louder than words. A man who wants you will make an effort to see you and, more importantly, he will make you feel wanted. This guy is not prioritizing you, as you said. His lack of interest is making you feel bad. Don’t settle for that.
Lane
Trixie, he clearly told you he was open to a relationship IF he met the right lady. He spent time with you, I believe with the right intentions but just couldn’t fall in love like he needs to in order to progress it. I’ve been in this situation countless times where I like the guy, it feels very promising in the beginning but then over time I stop feeling it, and know in my heart of hearts he’s ‘not the one.’
The difference between men and women, is that, women when they stop ‘feeling it’ drop the guy. Men on the other hand have the biological ability to keeps seeing the lady even though, he knows, it will abruptly end when a certain event happens, such as: 1) he meets someone he wants to try with; 2) the lady gets too ‘needy’; 3) the lady wants more; 4) He wants to date around…you get the gist.
The event that triggered him to start the process of ending it with you, is you getting upset because he cancelled. In his mind, he is not your BF, he can change his mind if he wants to, and you getting upset is considered “drama.” Yes, you were in your right to be upset but he’s in his right to cancel, so its not a matter of who’s right or not, its a case of this was going to end, and its time to end it.
Trixie
Thank you everyone for your comments and sharing your experiences with me. I think I knew deep down he is no longer that interested in me or making as much effort as he did from the beginning, but I just didn’t want to face the truth. I did ask my friends and they told me that he is making an effort, he still msg you everyday and take you out on dates, connection and feelings will take time. I think their comments made me avoid facing what was actually happening.
I told him that this doesn’t seem to be working since we want different things. He didn’t want to end it at first but eventually after talking for a while, he apologised and said he is sorry that his not in a place where his ready for a relationship. It hurt a lot ending it but I know it’s for the best. Part of me still wonder if I stick it out a bit longer will things change between us, but I know I shouldn’t be wasting my time on ‘what if’.
After reading a lot of other people posts and seeing a lot of them with similar situation, made me realised that I’m not alone and there a lot of advices and support here. I want to thanks again for giving me that reality check and a push to get out of this situation.
Sandra
Trixie, it definitely hurts but just think how much more it will hurt every day you stay hoping he will come around only to realize one day what he had told you all along. He isn’t ready. If one day things change and he looks for you with intentions of trying to see if a relationship will work it will be up to you to decide what you want to do. Just don’t hold your breath. Go out and live your life.
Trixie
I posted on here a few hours ago to thanks everyone for their comments and advice. It said there are 15 posts but I can’t see the one I posted or any post after my last post.
Trixie
It just got updated, I can see all the posts now.
@Sandra, thank you for your comment. I agree with what you’ve said. It’s not good to be waiting around and might end up with the same answer and ended up wasting more time. I will try and move on and live my life. It’s weird but even though I’m not in love with him, I still feel heartbroken.
tammy
ofcrse your upset. you wanted to give things a shot with him. nothing much you can do if he doesnt feel it. atleast its over before you spent too much time over him.
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