what does he want from me?

NO!!!
Strike one you work with him, strike two he has a girlfriend, strike three you just broke it off with your bf and you’re vulnerable.

Three strikes and he’s out.

Don’t even go there with this guy or even entertain anything further.
I promise you this will blow up in your face if you do.

Talk is cheap. For example, he SAYS he’s unhappy with his gf but he hasn’t broken up with her. Pay attention to his actions. When his actions and words MATCH, that is when you believe him. When they don’t, then you believe the worse of the two.

Him talking to you about personal things is not something you should read into. There are men who pay prostitutes not for sex but just for the companionship and someone to talk to. And guess what, they still go home to their wives after.

This is just a bad situation all around. Don’t be that girl.

I guess that I see it slightly differently only because I give him credit for being very honest and open with you. Honestly he also seems more serious and I like it about him that he did not make a move on you but offered to spend more time together to get to know each other. One of the things that bothers me is that he keeps talking about a FWB arrangement but granted he did not act that way now.

But while I could say that as long as you could resist and he can stop himself then I think it may not be so terrible, problem is that even if he says so now, most likely you will end up in bed with him on the next date or the one after.

I think for now just give him space, do not see him outside work and if you, please let him know that he should figure out what he wants first and then once he has he can let you know and you can decide whether you want to see him.

But I also agree with the others that timing is really wrong for both of you, you are vulnerable now. I would actually give it some time, you said anyway that you are not interested in a relationship at the moment and also you will be going to college soon where you will meet lots of new potential boyfriends.

I’m sorry i’m going to be direct. Girls like you sicken me. He HAS A GF. Don’t be the other woman what the hell. That is just plain rude. He wants to have sex with you- there you go. What type of woman wants to have a guy cheat with her. You disgust me.

DUNDUNDUN: saying sorry before saying something like that doesn’t mean it’s not offensive, and i think your tone was unnecessary. “no offense” doesn’t really cancel out, “you sicken me”. your input would be more likely to help me if you could phrase it respectfully.

i was concerned about the fact that he had a girlfriend, but the first time we talked about it, he said things weren’t going well, i thought they might not even be staying together too much longer. i realize this was naive and idealistic of me. but i’m ok with the fact that i make mistakes. i learn from them. yet, i didn’t actually hook up with him. i understand that i’m not a saint just for doing the right thing, but at the same time, i’m at a disadvantage here for a few reasons.

first, although i understand that the betrayed partner can place their anger on their partner’s lover because of jealousy. that makes total sense. but when you really think about it, the other woman didn’t force your partner to cheat. your partner made that decision. both parties are certainly in the wrong, but the cheater made the choice to be unfaithful.

additionally, this guy is older than me, and therefore has the advantage of maturity and life experience. no matter how mature for my age i may be, it’s still a little suspicious when an older guy is interested in a teenager. i think guys like that often take advantage of younger women. i’m not unintelligent, i just haven’t lived as long as he has, and he should know better than to be pursuing me. i do not excuse myself from all blame, i’m simply saying that it’s a difficult situation i’m not yet equipped to deal with, and i think your words were a little harsh considering that.

He has a girlfriend. I don’t see what’s so confusing about it. Leave him alone.

Going forward please don’t even get emotionally attached to a guy that is in a relationship (Even if it is on the verge of a break), it will result in only complication, just like your situation. I’d say keep busy and keep it only professional with this guy. In the event that he breaks up with his girlfriend, you could continue getting to know him better in a platonic way (to make sure you are not the rebound) and then see how it goes! xx

I don’t feel responsible for other peoples relationships. I’m not part of a big sisterhood. But i still wouldn’t mess with a guy who has a gf, for the simple reason they cant be trusted and its messy.

Here’s my take:

This guy already told you he has a girlfriend. If you do hook up with him you have to deal with the fact that you might be helping him cheat. Personally I wouldn’t do it.

He sounds pretty sketchy- he has a girlfriend, yet he is clearly trying to hook up with you. He also told you he is looking for a FWB. I don’t think anything serious will come out of this. Don’t be fooled into thinking he will leave his girlfriend and want to date you instead.

The fact that he didn’t try to hook up with you right away shows that he has respect for you. Maybe because he likes you, he works with you, he thinks you’re smart. But that doesn’t change the fact that he is not trying to date you.

And I think you were spot on about the older guy taking advantage of younger women thing. He thinks he can get what he wants from you because you are less experienced and more willing to experiment and explore things.

Also, don’t focus so much on what HE wants. Focus on what YOU want from the situation, then act accordingly.