What does he want from me?

Marie, you are more than welcome to not reply if you feel like I am multiple people ( which I am not, thats ridiculous).

Shoshannah, I know that sounds weird but at the end but I pretty much have one foot in and the other foot halfway out the door.

Its nice you got good advice, its just too bad you didnt see that most of us here want more and better things for you than you do. Take care and keep your eyes open

Why do you care about why he ‘wants’ you?

And you want to wait to find out if he goes back to his ex you will leave him?

It’s mind boggling…

Wow.

I figured you were probably going to stay. It sounded like it in your replies.

It IS quite funny how he doesn’t have a distraction right now and is “focused” on you. Ok sure, the ex may be gone and he may be done with the ex but what about the MILLIONS of OTHER women out there that he could get “distracted” from? I’m not trying to be negative but this guy doesn’t seem to love you. And so you say the ex didn’t help contribute to bills so that’s why he’s with you because you do? Did it stop him from buying her furniture while he was with you? Come on, it didn’t bother him too much if he was still F**king with her while yall were in a relationship. And I guess you really ARE fabulous with paying bills considering he had YOU pay for your own dinner….. in front of your own family? Seriously? I’m a little iffy about that situation though… why would he make you pay in front of your own family? What do they think of your “boyfriend”?

you really go hard at the ex and I don’t know why.

Autumn,

You are in denial right now…not uncommon at all.
You are one of many women, who tend to place full blame on the other woman,
in causing the destruction of a relationship.

I know you’re in love, but I think one day it will all hit you in the face, hard, as to how badly you’re being treated.

You’re half way there, just by reaching out for advice…you obviously are aware there is something is wrong

I hope that day of a ‘rude awakening ‘comes soon…
I hate to see a good woman waste her life on an emotionally abusive man, who obviously hasn’t any respect for women.

I wish you nothing but the best x

Autumn,

You think he is improving. I hope you’re right and that he will continue to improve into the man he should be….

I doubt he will improve much though. Any small improvements you see in him will very likely not last long. Just reading your first post was sickening, the way he treats you.

If you were to be no contact with him say at least 90 days it would give you a chance to reflect and also hopefully change your mindset about him. Get a good counsellor…show her/ him this entire thread if you will.

You have been enabling him to treat you this way, this is the way he is…this is his character.

I wish you all the best.

Deane,

Forgive me for responding to people who reply to a post I made. If you feel it’s fake, I will not sit here and continue to convince some of you of the realness in my situation.

Yes she’s the blame for continuing on with bringing drama into our lives, not the strip clubs or the money.

We’ve talked about things involving the money. He and I share rental property to where I pay the bills at the property and buys the equipment that needs to be repaired. Since we are in this together, he can only do so much financially. I’m the one who expected him to more than he actually should. I only give 400 a month at the house. Yes we have our issues outside of the ex, I cant ever deny that. But the strip club night was him being a man. I don’t mind him going to a strip club, the fact that he wanted me to go with him and not without, lets me know he was considering our relationship. I’ve already discussed with him about him rubbing on the dancers. When we went home the day of his birthday weekend, of course he argued with me but he knows where I stand with things. So he chose not to go at all, though he assumed i was trying to change him ( that;s not the case) I was only trying to express to HIM how it made me feel and wanted him to respect our relationship.

He couldn’t afford to pay for everyone at my birthday dinner because of all the money going out. These are instances where I need to think about how I am being towards him. And to answer Cari’s question ( forgive me for responding to people in a thread I made lol) my family hasn’t really said much about him and know that I am a grown woman who will understand that I am capable of making my own decisions with men.

I know he cheated on me with the ex and it’s only because she was willing. If she wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have cheated. I don’t think he’s going out there trying to find another girl to cheat on me with. Hence my issues with the ex. I know she was the last girl he was involved with and I know that he doesn’t have the greatest opinion of himself. I don’t know how he genuinely feels about the ex but I will say that whatever they HAD, is gone. He’s shown me that these past few months. I know in my heart he knows what he’ll lose if I walk out that door, which is why he is trying to work things out with me and no one else.

He said that I treat him better than he’s been treated in a very long time by a woman. So the ex clearly wasn’t doing her part. He knows what he hes with me, I have to believe that he finally sees what he has.

Crisula,

thank you for your reply. I do hope he continues to improve everyday. I have to believe he will.

And to anyone who feels my whole posts is fake, don’t come in here or respond to me. Simple as that, right?

You are desperate to have this man in your life. So be it.

You said from the first post and in the title you don’t know why this wonderful and charming man wants to be with you. You of all the women out there. Even his ex!

Your conclusion seems to be that it’s because you somehow are better than the ex. Which is a really odd way of justifying the reason for being with a man. In fact it’s downright crazy. So if a man treats you poorly you beleive it has to do with him trying to decide between you and the ex? And in the end you win this piece of work?

You stated early on your issues are bigger than a dating forum can handle, and I fully agree. You need major professional help.

Good luck. Hope you can find yourself to a better place in self esteem and love life. Right now everything about this is just a recipe for ongoing stress, heartbreak and self destruction.

No I pay all the bills at the rental property and only contribute 400 a month at the house we share. He pays the remaining of the bills. And he pays for the equipment to replace things like heaters in the apartments and things of that nature. Plus he does the repairs himself.

I’ve already mentioned that I love him. But I have to see if we have a future together. That’s all. Though he will never admit to the cheating, I have to put that in the past and move on. People in relationships and marriages do that all of the time. I guess I’m starting to see that he truly does care about me and wants for things to work out. It just seems different now.

I agree that I deserve better and all I wanted was for HIM to give me that better. He’s seeming to do that. We have alot invested in our relationship. I must do my part and see if we can work.

Oh and you 2 have a future alright, but it may not be the one you expect.

Again, like it’s been mentioned SEVERAL TIMES in this posting alone, the ex is NOT the problem here. You just want her to be. It’s easier for her to be painted as the problem when the problem is right there with the guy you are laying next to every night. I’m pretty sure you don’t trust him, still. I’m sure that everytime he walks out the door or is coming home late, you’re questioning where he actually was. Something you should consider….. why go through all of that? I really do hope he’s doing better by you. But even if you haven’t heard from the ex or he hasn’t or whatever the case may be, what if she DID contact him? Who cares what SHE DOES, it’s all about what HE DOES and how HE HANDLES IT. He could have told her where to go in their last conversation. Did he tell you if he told her he was happy with you and for her to not contact you again?

I’m not going to get in to anything else. I just came on here to say that he and I are doing better and to thank everyone for their advice, thoughts and opinions on my situation. Most of you have been very supportive. I guess don’t see how some of you cant see that he can do better by me. I am a good woman and I know he knows that. So maybe, just maybe he wants us to work just as much as I want us to work. I can’t say that I trust him 100% but I will get there if he continues on this path.

Plus our mutual friend saw the text messages where it was incriminating to my bf. He saw them with his own eyes on his phone. And this friend is a mutual friend who would have no reasons at all to lie to me about things. She gave it to him for “insurance” I guess. But never gave it to me because though I wanted to have it, I didn’t probe for it much. In the heat of the moment, she was going to message me the texts because she and my bf were going back and forth arguing ( this is when he was going to send out sex videos to people of those 2). But then she told me she didn’t want me to see them because they were “horrible”.

Oh and I missed the sex video part…bonus!