What does he want from me?

Wait, I don’t understand this statement: “I know he cheated on me with the ex and it’s only because she was willing. If she wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have cheated”.

Ugh… so it’s all based on his ex’s actions, so she gets to dictate whether he cheats or not? She has a hold on him. If she is willing, then he is gonna cheat on you. Does that even sound right to you?

Shouldn’t it be, whether if his ex is willing or not, he will never cheat on me? He will keep his dick in his pants?

You-I meant Autumn

Because we can’t get past the blatant abuse against you. The guy treated you like crap for your birthday. The stripper club. He has it in him to use sex videos against his ex? Psycho..

You are in love with a psycho.
And what’s scary is that even after writing it out, you don’t realize this.

Wow! I still don’t understand-“if she had not been willing to have sex, he would not have cheated” You say it is odd we don’t see how he is trying. What we see is a cheater,a guy with poor impulse control,a user and generally poorly pricipled,self-centered man. He has made your life hell and shot your self esteem but somehow,you can’t live without him. The drama train will certainly continue. Good luck with all that.

I haven’t read all of the last replies, because just a few after my last reply were enough.

I’m sorry, Autumn, but I think you are just as toxic as he is. Not in a way that you are victim-minded, as I had thought before, but that you create drama, you manipulate, you lie to others and yourself etc.

You were venting to her, because you wanted to keep an enemy close? No healthy people in healthy relationships do this. They don’t even perceive other women as enemies, let alone trying to keep them close, in order to manipulate the situation…. This really speaks volumes about your mindset. And then you say she was causing the drama? Are you sure you didn’t contribute to this?

You believe ‘people in relationships and marriages do this all the time’ – meaning they put up with cheating? Maybe, but only sick, toxic, unhealthy people. I know that there are some women who believe that this is a kind of a man’s right – to cheat. Apparently, you are one of them.

I confided in her about our problems because I felt that she was the only one who understood what I was going through. But now I see that that was a huge mistake. At that time, I felt so broken. I told her many things, mostly things that involved her. But I confided in her. She confided in me and it made me feel like we were becoming friends. She thought it was weird but I didn’t. I make jewelry and made her a necklace to let her know that we would always be connected no matter what. Then she turns around and contacts him behind my back to apologize. I told her I felt hurt and betrayed by her. I guess I don’t unders

Why are we spending so much time with this..,,

The man clearly is treating her with the utmost disrespect. She is trying to rationalize and protect him by saying his ex was willing to have sex with him…that’s why he did. Ad nauseum.

She doesn’t want to leave him.

Period. It’s that simple. Leave her alone.

Whoa! Wait what? You made her a necklace? Why? WTH?????

This is beyond weird. Why would you think it’s okay to give your bfs ex who he was sleeping with throughout your relationship, a NECKLACE? Really? Why confide in her about your troubles in the relationship? Does he know all this?

This is weird all weird. I’ve never heard anything like this before in my LIFE. And now somehow she’s the problem and everything is good? But…but… you gave her a necklace. It sounds like someone else mentioned on here that you were doing your own manipulating…for what? This piece of trash that you call a bf? You said that she betrayed you, but why did you ever think she was your friend in the first place? I really do think you did all of that placing her on a fake pedestal ( or at least letting her believe that) so that when she did something you didn’t approve of, you could make your own self look like a victim and lash out at her because at this point, you had ( still have ) no reason at all to be upset by her. She’s not your friend and you’re were never hers. If I were her, I’d be weirded out by both you AND your precious “man”.

Yeah there is no sense in going on and on with her about this considering she’s choosing to stay. I think at this point, he’d have to dump you for good for you to get a clue that you 2 don’t need to be together. I will not be surprised if he’s just messing around with you until he finds someone he actually WANTS to replace you.

I will apologize in advance for being blatantly honest, but have you ever thought that you might in fact, like being treated in the way you described? More often than not, the ones I have met complaining about their bad or abusive relationships were actually people that subconsciously liked being in such a relationship and consequently, never got rid of their psychologically and emotionally unstable partners. One of my best friends spent months complaining about her allegedly crazy boyfriend, but even after 6 years, she is still with him. Still getting the same old and bad treatment, but hey, she is fine with it.

I would not want to hurt your feelings or be rude, so I apologize if I do. I am just trying to say that the solution of what you wrote is so simple and obvious (that he does not deserve you and you need to get some self-respect and dump him and never contact him again), that only a person alike your boyfriend would think otherwise.

Coming up with an argument that let’s say, you love him a lot and that’s why you cannot get rid of him easily will not hold water for me, because loving someone does not imply a willingness to be in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. Your boyfriend seems to have some unresolved issues and as long as you support him by being with him, I would see that as nothing else, but as if that’s the kind of boyfriend you like being with. So make up your mind! Just remember, no one is irreplaceable and you can fall in love with someone else who will appreciate you and treat you well. :)

Autumn, I feel really bad reading this because your bf is not respectful, selfish, dishonest and useless. He’s taking advantage of you! He knows your soft spots! He wants you to contribute everything, yet he didn’t return anything in any way and he will not. He’s using you for money, he’s using your love! It’s difficult to leave someone you have strong feelings for, but look at the bigger picture, he’s toxic and he’s ruining your life and preventing you from having a normal life! You’re being tortured by him constantly. Please leave him asap! You really have to let this man go! Work on your own issues being single. Why are you with him if you can be better alone?

Really ,the bar he has to hit to treat you “better”, Autumn is pretty damn low-so sad.

@ Devils Advocate, don’t forget, dude wants a threesome with both the current gf and ex!