What Does He Want From Me?

You are sitting her pondering something yet from the outside this is so incredibly easy to see!! This guy is not “date ready” and has too many issues going on in his life to date SERIOUSLY. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to want companionship and sex from a woman… he’s just not going to be able to COMMIT to her! Which goes right along with having a casual fling with a woman 20 years younger! Makes all the sense in the world actually because if the relationship isn’t going anywhere then you can certainly pick a person who would never work long term such as with a huge age gap. 

In summary he’s in a casual relationship and not committed to anyone so he’s free to text you while he’s also with this girl, and he’s probably texting other women too. It’s just how it works if you’re not ready for a relationship. You just have flings. You can ignore him, block him, tell him you never want to speak to him again or whatever you want to do. But don’t think this means he’s changed his mind about wanting a relationship with you or wanting you back.  

You only have one side of the story- he’s probably not telling the girl he’s sleeping with everything and he’s definitely not telling you really anything. How long have you know each other? How long was he married before he divorced?

Also as one gets older, the desire to get into a settled relationship actually may lessen especially if you’ve been married a long time.

And you are interested in this manwh*re? Why?

Thanks- all! Exactly what I needed to hear, objectively.

Date scheduled with new guy tonight– I’ll let you know my progress and happy since just ended it with another guy, who had performance issues and blamed it on me — My luck has to change! Thanks so much

Lonely and looking for attention by putting out the least amount of effort- that’s why.

Rhonda… STOP.

Be honest, what you’re hoping is this is a sign he secretly likes you and wants you instead of the girl he’s with. It is NOT anything other than him being bored and wanting to keep you in his back pocket. And looks like it’s working.

Let’s say he leaves her and starts dating you. He will do to you exactly what he’s doing to her – attention seeking from other women.

One woman is never going to be enough for him. He’s been very honest about that.

Please stop banging your head against the wall. All you’re going to get is a headache. He isn’t worth your time and energy. Block and ignore. When you do that enough he will go away. You have to genuinely want him to go away though or he will keep this up.

I agree with K and to be honest, you sound a bit naive Rhonda. Men like this just “keep tabs” on multiple women and of course, I don’t know this particular one, but I would bet – you’re not the only one. Liking things on fb is their favorite means – the lowest effort possible. Why not text or call, you ask. Well, because imagine texting or calling all those women. You are puzzled that he does texts you even when he’s with her – I’m not sure what reply did you hope for? Would you like to hear that he likes you so much and actually prefers you to her and that’s why he can’t stop himself from contacting you even if with her? He might like you a lot, her too, he’s just the kind of guy who doesn’t have a great sense of loyality. I know men who not only text other women while with their girlfriends, I’ve seen men actually cheating (kissing/having sex) in the same room as their wife was. So to me, this isn’t a proof of how much he likes you, but a proof of what kind of a man he is. You don’t want people like this in your life in any capacity, let alone romantic. I come across people like this at work, so, like it or not, have to deal with them and I just do my best to keep it purely professional. In short, not worth banging your head against the wall, darling!

Rhonda, you sound unbalanced and really need to work on your issues.

If you use your energy trying to get revenge all you will achieve is to confirm how much he has got to you. The best revenge is to become happy and contented and forget about him.

There’s a Buddhist quote along the lines of, holding on to anger at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s very appropriate in this case. Holding on to your bitterness towards this man will only poison you, not him.

He’s gotten to you all right, but what makes you think he would even care enough about you for you to extract revenge? I’m being harsh with you so you understand. He doesn’t care about you. He’s just looking for an ego boost. Do you really think your “revenge” is going to make him realize the error of his ways and see how wrong he is? You’re fooling yourself. You’re getting worked up over his Facebook “likes”?! Don’t give this man so much power over you! The best revenge would be for you to cut him off and move on and not look back.

I can’t tell from your original post, but did you even meet this guy in person? It sounds like you didn’t. If that’s the case you REALLY need to take a step back from dating. There’s no way you should be this upset over a guy you never met “liking” your stuff on FB.

That should be ***a*** “somewhat sinister” way.

My “a” key is sticking.

Sorry.

Rhonda, you’ve sustained some serious emotional damage from your marriage. You need to go address that with a therapist or you’re going to keep experiencing the same men and same crappy situations over and over. You are talking like a victim. This revenge stuff sounds like a 5 year old’s idea. YOU will get hurt in the end, not him.

Don’t “hope” he won’t contact you again. He will. Tell him one more time that you want nothing more to do with him and if he contacts you again you’re going to file a police report of harassment. Then block him everywhere and if he makes any further contact then call the police and let them handle it. You HAVE to be clearly done, and you don’t sound like you are yet.

The best “revenge” is forgiving yourself your mistakes and completely ignoring him and not giving a damn what he says or does any longer. Dead silence from you will say well more than any words ever could. Your silence says you don’t care about him and have moved on. That will get him more than anything else you would do or say.

Take your power back by working on yourself with a therapist and becoming your best self. Forget him forget any other guy. This is all about you now. Victims point to what was done to them and cry, endlessly. Choose to be better than that and start valuing yourself. It’s not about trusting others. It’s about trusting yourself.

You can learn this now and stand up for yourself and take positive action… or you can keep trying to date online and having train wreck experiences. Your choice entirely.

EMDR and tapping are great therapies. I’m really glad you’re getting help. I’m also glad you heard me and the others who have offered advice. Too many women come here asking questions and then argue or get offended when everyone’s intent is only to help.

Lots of people get out of bad relationships with some trauma. Good on you for seeking out professional assistance to resolve it and get on to live a great life and experience a good relationship. You deserve to be happy.