Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › What does it mean when he says friends is a great start?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
Molly27.
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Molly27
I started talking to a guy, and he messaged me all day everyday for weeks. When we talked about what we’re both looking for, he said to be honest he doesn’t know what he wants right now, but that friends is a great start. I shut down the conversation out of fear of rejection. We talked a little more and I just had to ask if he’d even consider exploring things. He said to be completely honest it would just be platonic, for now. He said he’s been pushed in the past when he wasn’t ready and it hurt the friendship and he didn’t want that to be the case here. I haven’t had a serious relationship since my abusive ex, and I get really nervous about being used, led on, etc. We haven’t really talked since then, and I actually have regrets. What did he mean, and is it worth it to reach out again?
Raven
Do you really need another ‘friend?’
Andrea
He’s stringing you along.
Maddie
Messaging all day every day for weeks without making plans to meet you means he wants a pen pal. It’s safe and feels like companionship without the responsibility. It’s not on you if he’s not ready, so keep looking for what you want. I don’t think he’s trying to lie or lead you on, but you’re both looking for different things right now. So it’s not worth getting invested in him instead of moving on.
Molly27
He told our mutual friends he wanted to meet me. We really hit it off and talked non-stop. He told me he wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he thinks friends is a great start. He said in the past year he’s had people that really pushed him and he wasn’t ready, and it really hurt the friendship. He hoped that wouldn’t be the case between him and I. He wanted to meet up and get drinks, but then he had to work so it didn’t happen. After both of these things, I shut down and wouldn’t even continue conversation with him. We texted one more full day and then he got distant. I did apologize and own up to reacting out of emotion. He responded but we haven’t talked since. Was he wanting to get to know me better first, or completely friend-zoning me. I want to keep talking to him, but when I don’t understand what someone wants it triggers a deep fear of hurt.
Maddie
Telling your mutual friends he wanted to meet you means zero if he didn’t follow through with you and make it happen. Starting something new by fixating on the negatives (which he is doing, on his fears) is also bad. He’s projecting his past onto you and trying to control things before you even get started. Friendship first can be okay, but telling you not to push him when you haven’t even met yet or done anything of the sort? That’s him showing you his baggage is still driving him. I think trying to get through all this with him will get you a lot of hot and cold confusion. In a healthy situation, it shouldn’t be this hard just to get to a first date.
Molly27
I appreciate that, and it was kind of my thinking as well. It’s a bummer, he seems like a good guy. However, I’ve been in the position of still healing from a past hurt, and I agree that until you deal with your own baggage head on and own it you will never heal and be ready to date again. I’ve worked hard on me, and I want someone whose love is stronger than my walls and who strives to make things work. He’s an unhealed dude.
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