What does this mean?

He doesn’t seem bothered either way. I think you’ve posted about this guy before and the general consensus was that he was showing a lack of interest. I don’t know why he is saying what he is rather than just using this opportunity to be blunt but he really doesn’t sound like he is bothered whether you continue to see each other or not. Anything but a yes is a no in my opinion

I realize i maybe sound too harsh. Its not my intention to make you feel bad but for you to realize you deserve so much better but it takes times to be ready and i hope you take that time. Otherwise its running from clown to clown and i wish better things for you

But the problem is, you only had one date with this guy, he disappeared, you dragged him back and now you got him to say you will hang out. Which wont happen.
You are way too invested early on. If you read this forum you can see how many times a gal is all in after a few date but the guy disappears. You need to go with what you want. If you want casual partners youre on the right track, but also dont overinvest. If you want to find a good partner be way more picky and dont chase a guy. Or hand him all the power by saying its your call if you want to call this quits or not.

“Yeah, we can hang out…” = Have sex

I remember your last thing and honestly I think that this might be a you problem and not a man problem. You need a sniffer of truth time:

Why on earth are you complaining to a man you don’t even know and doesn’t owe you a darn thing? You shouldn’t be texting him, you shouldn’t be calling him, you shouldn’t be doing anything other than giving zero F’s until a man is your boyfriend.. You sit back wait to see if he does the work, and if he doesn’t your life is awesome enough that it doesn’t matter. Men don’t like to be criticized especially when they’re not even in a relationship. You aren’t standing up for yourself by doing this. You are not showing your value. You’re expressing unrealistic expectations of someone you don’t even know and have no relationship with. Your job is to sit back let him do the work, and if he doesn’t do the work you have the rest of your life to enjoy and it doesn’t matter. And if he is doing work that you don’t like you walk away.

You are creating this drama by trying to push for something a man who is not in a relationship with you is not giving you. And pushing and pushing and not paying attention to what he is telling you both by behavior and words. Why would you do that?

You go on a date. He suggests you go out again. You wait to see if he asks or not. If he just texts you are responsive, but not really engaging. You don’t: call him out on a disappearing when you were not in a relationship so he is not disappearing. You don’t text at all asking if you are going out again. You don’t ask if he wants to keep talking. You don’t argue with him when he tells you it is over, which you forced him into by asking all this crap when he told you with his behaviors he was not that into you.

Okay. I know what dating is. I have a date with a different guy in a week. I know it’s not a relationship. But I did really like him and I wanted to know if he wanted to keep seeing me or not. And I was cool if he wanted to go our separate ways. I told him so. I was the one who suggested cutting communication if he wanted. Not him. We are both adults and could be civil about everything and he doesn’t have to worry about my feelings. I told him so. He said he wanted to see me again and talked about hanging out tonight.

He told me women usually have to approach him and initiate things. He also said he doesn’t want to rush things with anyone because all relationships he’s been in were rushed and they didn’t work out.

I don’t really see anything wrong with a woman telling a guy what she wants or that she likes him. I kind of feel like the guy can say yes they are interested or no they are not. I did make it easy for him to say no he wasn’t.

I get it is probably wrong to have communication expectations at this time with our lives being as crazy as they are. We talked about that. A few guys I talked to before that were huge texters and he is not. Not all guys are the same. Plus we have no labels right now and we are just talking right now so no one should have expectations.

And no I haven’t slept with him.

I am not going to tell you to not be you. But your current approach is very very very agressive and will limit who is into you. It is not about right or wrong, it is about effective or not.

You insist on knowing everything right up front and most men need 5-12 weeks to decide.

What you are doing is like: do you like me, do you like me. It’s ok to tell me you don’t like me. IT IS OK TO TELL ME YOU DONT LIKE ME! But the energy is that it is not at all ok to interact with you. It is very intense. Men will do anything not to hurt a woman’s feelings and you will be better served to read their actions and not demand words from men at less than 5 dates in. He showed you with his actions he was not that interested. No need to actually ask him.

You give off insecure… because secure is ok with let’s just take this one date at a time, and I am ok if you leave without a goodbye proclamation.

Yes, you can tell a man you like him… on the date say « I am having a really nice time », and wanting to see him again is done by saying “I would love that” when he suggests a date.

You are giving off very insecure masculine energy. If that is your intention, feel free.

I am sorry to be so direct, but you keep having the same problems.

It doesn’t matter how much you liked him. You had ONE DATE. And then the majority of your communication with him since then has been badgering him into defining his intentions. AFTER ONE DATE. He doesn’t know his intentions, and honestly neither should you — especially after ONE DATE.

Newbie was correct in that you are being destructive. You can’t water a flower seed and expect a full bloom immediately. You also can’t drown it and expect it to thrive.

You’ve basically harassed and nagged him into something he really doesn’t want to pursue. Or at least his wasn’t sure after ONE DATE, but now your actions are making him feel obligated. That’s not hopeful. None of his actions at this point are genuine or inspired by his own feelings.

Take a huge step back and try to refrain from obsessing over someone you had one date with.

Mama,

I do agree that my actions were the wrong way to go about things. I also did already own up to them. And I do totally get what you are saying and I do agree with you.

He did tell me he wouldn’t talk to me again if he did want to or see me again if he didn’t want when we talked. So I don’t think he feels obligated, however you never know what a guy is really thinking. He maybe thinking this is going to be sex which it is not because I’m just getting to know him. It’s possible there could be many reasons behind him seeing me at this point.

I won’t push it though. I guess time will tell as things reveal themselves.

On another not the other guy I spoke about I had been texting last year did try reaching out at the beginning of this year. I ignored him. All three of his text messages.

No man is real until he is your boyfriend. Until that time you need to give 0 fs. They come, they go…. not invested, but warm and receptive. Leave if it not escalating…. not with a bitch out, but with a …. thanks, but we are not aligned in what we want, best of luck.

Never ask a man yes or no question unless you are sure of or can take the answer. It in general is not a great idea to push anyone for a binary answer while they are still considering. You will push them to a no.

You guys are so right. I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. I kind of hate that I did that looking back. I won’t ever do this again with anyone.

It’s better just to go with the natural flow of things. If it works out it works out. If it don’t then it wasn’t meant to be.

But putting someone on the spot is never the answer. I know I can’t change what I did. Just apologize continue on. Just back off and if it works out great or move on to the next guy. Learn from this mistake:)